AN ARCHAEOLOGY
OF YEARNING
ALSO BY BRUCE MILLS
Cultural Reformations: Lydia Maria Child and the Literature of Reform
Editor, Letters from New-York, by Lydia Maria Child
Poe, Fuller, and the Mesmeric Arts: Transition States in the American Renaissance
Co-Editor with Debra L. Cumberland, Siblings and Autism: Stories Spanning Generations and Cultures
AN ARCHAEOLOGY
OF YEARNING
A MEMOIR BY
BRUCE MILLS
etruscan press
© 2013 by Bruce Mills
All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher:
Etruscan Press
Wilkes University
84 West South Street
Wilkes-Barre, PA 18766
(570) 408-4546
Published 2013 by Etruscan Press
Cover design by Michael Ress
Interior design and typesetting by Julianne Popovec
The text of this book is set in Minion Pro.
First Edition
13 14 15 16 17 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Mills, Bruce, 1958-
An archaeology of yearning : a memoir / by Bruce Mills. -- First edition.
pages cm
1. Mills, Bruce, 1958---Biography. 2. Autistic children--Biography. 3. Autistic children--Family relationships. 4. Fathers and sons--Biography. 5. Parents of autistic children--Psychology. I. Title.
RJ506.A9M588 2013
618.92’85882--dc23
2013019861
ISBN: 978-0-98869-222-0
Please turn to the back of this book for a list of the sustaining funders of Etruscan Press.
For Mary, Sarah, and Jacob
and my parents, Herb and Elaine Mills
Archaeology is our voyage to the past, where we discover who we were and therefore who we are.
—Camilla Paglia
I must begin with an account of our starting point and recall and describe the first period, in order that the progress we have made may be better appreciated. By thus contrasting the past with the present, we can determine what ought to be expected from the future.
—Jean Marc Gaspard Itard
As long as you yearn, you can’t congeal: there is a forward motion to yearning.
—Gail Godwin
AN ARCHAEOLOGY OF YEARNING
Part II — Sites
Croyden Avenue School
Flood Plain
The Wild Days
Part III — Layers
The Meltdown
Goodness
The Tower Story
Part IV — Artifacts
Fallen Fruit
Clutter
An Archaeology of Yearning
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I have received support, large and small, from many people. At Kalamazoo College, I owe a special debt to Andy Mozina, whose close attention to the manuscript as a whole can be felt throughout the book. Along the way, Con Hilberry, Marion Hilberry, Jim VanSweden and Amy Smith provided timely reflections on early chapters. Through annual campus readings, Gail Griffin, Marin Heinritz, Amelia Katanski, Diane Seuss, and Babli Sinha voiced ongoing encouragement. As for those colleagues who have moved on, I thank Glenn Deutsch, Kathy Crown, Lisbeth Gant-Britton, and Ellen Caldwell for their feedback and faith in the writing.
Over the years, I have also drawn from conversations with many students in my first-year seminar, Autism and Other Ways of Knowing.
Both indirectly and directly, I have also been fortunate to see my work through the eyes of many writers who, for personal or professional reasons, have found themselves among those on the autism spectrum: Kristina Chew, Debra Cumberland, James Fisher, Vicki Forman, Mark Osteen, and Ralph Savarese. My book is richer for this re-seeing through their experiences and insights.
During my time at the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference as the B. Frank Vogel Scholar in Nonfiction, I benefited from the feedback of Garrett Hongo, Rus Bradburd, and my fellow nonfiction scholars, Fred Bahnson and Kimberly Meyers.
A special thanks as well to PJ Mark, who helped me get the manuscript into a shape more fitting for publication.
I gratefully acknowledge the previous venues for three pieces: “An Archaeology of Yearning,” The Georgia Review; “Sleeping with Jacob,” New England Review; and “The Meltdown,” Gravity Pulls You In: Perspectives on Parenting Children on the Autism Spectrum. I am especially indebted to Stephen Donadio and Carolyn Kuebler at NER for their support.
To Philip Brady, executive editor at Etruscan Press, who enthusiastically embraced the book and to Starr Troup, managing editor, who clearly understood and effectively shepherded this project to its publication, I also owe deep thanks. You have helped complete a long journey.
Finally, I wish to acknowledge my daughter, Sarah, and partner, Mary, for their patience and love, and my son, Jacob, whose own love and rituals of living compel me to write and to reconsider all that I think I know.
AN ARCHAEOLOGY
OF YEARNING