Weightless. Gregg McBride

pieces of Mud Pie

      4 Diet Cokes

      I found that Elizabeth had an addiction, too, just not to food, though we joked that our version of sex was sharing the chocolate fudge cake at Jerry’s Diner.

      Elizabeth’s addiction was to committed men. Whether it was the married, engaged, or simply having a steady girlfriend, these committed men would constantly turn their attention to her; and Elizabeth found this attention difficult to resist. Between my obesity and her dalliances we often found ourselves very alone. Luckily we got to spend that “alone time” together.

      Elizabeth was a truly kindhearted soul. And she had a roommate, Gwen, who was very obese. Like me, Gwen was constantly dieting and bingeing and she was also the “funny girl.” Once she tried to join the Navy because she liked their uniforms. I guess she didn’t realize white garments weren’t the best fashion choice for the normal-size-challenged.

      The Navy wouldn’t let Gwen join because of her weight.

      Elizabeth, Gwen, and I became quite the threesome. As a member of this jolly trio I was looking forward to the time my mom’s boyfriend-of-the-minute, John, was coming to town to visit me for a few days. I decided the four of us would go out for dinner.

      Little did I know that all through dinner, John was coming onto Elizabeth by playing “footsie” under the table and that he even propositioned her later that night over the phone. Elizabeth hadn’t wanted to tell me—but she finally did.

      I was disgusted with John. But it got worse.

      The next day, John and I were at brunch by ourselves. I was not bringing up the fact that I knew he was making passes at Elizabeth, but in an attempt to make him uncomfortable, I kept the topic of conversation on my mom.

      Only my strategy backfired when the discomfort turned out to be my own thanks to John talking about how my mom loved me just like I was her own child—as if I weren’t adopted.

      I couldn’t believe it. My mom was still telling people I wasn’t her real son. I pretended that I suddenly felt ill and told John that I had to leave the restaurant. As soon as I was alone, I called Elizabeth. She consoled me as best she could.

      Later that night Elizabeth and I got together, over dinner, to discuss the problems with my mother, my belly, and Elizabeth’s love life.

      Meanwhile, Gwen, who was nowhere near as large as I was, still struggled with her weight, and finally announced that she was going to take drastic measures and have her stomach stapled.

      Everyone in Gwen’s life, including Elizabeth, thought it was a wonderful idea. I was the only one who didn’t. I felt like it was unnatural to have a metal puncture put into your stomach in order to stop eating so much.