Charles Bukowski

The Pleasures of the Damned


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the old actors, the retired directors,

       the ancient script writers, the aged cameramen, the prop men, stunt men, the old

       actresses, all of whom were also there

       waiting to die; they enjoyed his verve,

       his antics, he was harmless and he took them back to the time when they

       were still in the business.

      then the doctors in authority decided that Tarzan was possibly dangerous

       and one day he was shipped off to a mental institution.

       he vanished as suddenly as if he’d been eaten by a

       lion.

       and the other patients were outraged, they instituted legal proceedings

       to have him returned at once but

       it took some months.

      when Tarzan returned he was changed.

       he would not leave his room.

       he just sat by the window as if he had

       forgotten

       his old role

       and the other patients missed

       his antics, his verve, and

       they too felt somehow defeated and

       diminished.

       they complained about the change in Tarzan

       doped and drugged in his room

       and they knew he would soon die like that

       and then he did

       and then he was back in that other jungle

       (to where we will all someday retire)

       unleashing the joyful primal call they could no longer

       hear.

      there were some small notices in the

       newspapers

       and the paint continued to chip from the hospital

       walls,

       many plants died, there was an unfortunate

       suicide,

       a growing lack of trust and

       hope, and

       a pervasive sadness:

       it wasn’t so much Tarzan’s death the others mourned,

       it was the cold, willful attitude of the

       young and powerful doctors

       despite the wishes of the

       helpless old.

      and finally they knew the truth

       while sitting in their rooms

       that it wasn’t only the attitude of the doctors

       they had to fear,

       and that as silly as all those Tarzan films had been,

       and as much as they would miss their own lost

       Tarzan,

       that all that was much kinder than the final vigil

       they would now have to sit and patiently endure

       alone.

       something about a woman

      ah, Merryman,

       a fighter on the docks,

       killed a man while they were unloading

       bananas.

       I mean the man he killed

       clubbed him first

       from behind

       with an anchor chain

       (something about a woman)

       and we all circled around

       while

       Merryman

       did him in

       under a hard-on sun,

       finally strangling him to death

       throwing him into the

       ocean.

       Merryman leaped to the dock

       and walked

       away, nobody tried to stop

       him.

       then we went back to work and

       unloaded the rest of the bananas.

       nothing was ever said about the murder

       between any of us

       and I never saw anything about it

       in the papers.

       although I saw some of the bananas

       later in the

       markets:

       2 lbs. for a quarter

       they seemed a

       bargain.

       (uncollected)

       Sunday lunch at the Holy Mission

      he got knifed in broad daylight, came up the street

       holding his hands over his gut, dripping red

       on the pavement.

       nobody waiting in line left their place to help him.

       he made it to the Mission doorway, collapsed in the

       lobby where the desk clerk screamed, “hey, you

       son-of-a-bitch, what are you doing?”

       then he called an ambulance but the man was dead

       when they got there.

       the police came and circled the spots of blood

       on the pavement

       with white chalk

       photographed everything

       then asked the men waiting for their Sunday meal

       if they had seen anything

       if they knew anything.

       they all said “no” to both.

      while the police strutted in their uniforms

       the others finally loaded the body into an ambulance.

      afterwards the homeless men rolled cigarettes

       as they waited for their meal

       talking about the action

       blowing farts and smoke

       enjoying the sun

       feeling quite like

       celebrities.

       trashcan lives

      the wind blows hard tonight

       and it’s a cold wind

       and I think about

       the boys on the row.

       I hope some of them have a bottle

       of red.

      it’s when you’re on the row

       that you notice that

       everything is owned and that there are locks on everything. this is the way a democracy works: you get what you can, try to keep that and add to it if possible.

      this is the way a dictatorship

       works too

       only they either enslave or