Richard L. Holm

The Craft We Chose: My Life in the CIA


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      Whatever the answer, the SEALs just kept going. We later learned they had arrived first on the beach, well before midnight. However imprudent they might have been, watching those men run by raised our already high regard for them.

      Despite the conditions—hard ground, bugs and intermittent rain—I slept well. Fatigue will do that. Someone shook me lightly just before dawn and I rolled out and put my boots on—we had all slept in our fatigues. Much to the concern of the rest of us, Mike L. had not taken off his boots. He said he was having trouble with his feet and didn’t want to look at them until we got to the beach. We had all argued that some air and dry socks would be a good thing, but he wouldn’t listen.

      We were already walking as dawn broke, and our spirits were high. This would be the last day of the course and the end of a tough two weeks in Panama. The sleep, fitful for some, had done us all good, and there was a spring again in our steps.

      Mike Deuel took the point and set a good pace. We all wanted to get this over with. A pretty blue sky appeared over the jungle canopy, and it looked like yet another sunny day. The terrain grew less difficult as we approached the rendezvous point. It took only a couple of hours to cover the rest of the way. We reached the beach and checked in by 8:30.

      I looked forward to a long hot shower and some hot food.

      The military had watched and graded everyone during those two weeks. Even though we were civilians they included us in the evaluations, which turned out to be advantageous. We had done very well both individually and as a group. They awarded us points for our performance in each exercise, and total points determined how we finished. Above certain levels they awarded badges of distinction.

      I left with a Jungle Expert badge, meaning I had performed at the highest level. So did all but five in our group.

      The badge aside, I also left with a much greater respect for the jungle environment and how to deal with it. That turned out to be very important. What I had learned and experienced in Panama would serve me well and soon.

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