times and everything remained fairly constant for a while. We all enjoyed a false sense of security allowing me to believe that everything was under control.
Everything is tentative,
but you have to start somewhere...
…
Reflection
Looking
When you don’t know how to solve a problem, take a look around. It’s surprising how many resources are right in front of you.
Have you ever needed to replace your refrigerator because Old Faithful suddenly gave up the ghost? You look in the ads to see if any store might happen to have a sale on refrigerators because you certainly don’t want to pay more than you have to for such an unglamorous, yet necessary item. Good Fortune has smiled on you and multiple stores chose that week to sell refrigerators at a discounted price. How great is that!
What you don’t realize is that those same stores frequently sell refrigerators at a reduced price. You never noticed before because you weren’t looking.
Life seems to work like that for most anything you need. Give it a try. I bet you’ll realize that resources for helping you and the person you care for were there all the time! You didn’t need them, so you hadn’t noticed before.
Open your eyes and keep looking.
…
Chapter 6
The Hospital
For the first time in our entire married life, my husband and I lived alone. Our life together spanned more than 30 years and we were, for the first time, without children! My stepdaughter had married and was busy with her own family, while our son’s focus remained on designing his life and career.
During those first months after our son left home, my husband and I spent our time getting acquainted with each other, learning to play, and experiencing what it felt like to put each other ahead of everything else in the world. On a whim we could take off for a weekend, enjoy a drive anytime, or talk for hours without interruption. We grew the colorful, wonderful relationship that I had wanted throughout our entire marriage but always had to set aside because of someone else’s needs. Exploring new hobbies, working together, and complementing each other’s skills, cemented a closeness of which we had only dreamt. Finally, each of us had a soft place to fall and life had become exactly what we wanted it to be—just the two of us.
My husband and I took a vacation in September, the eighth month of my parents’ new routine. We drove a few hours to a state lodge where we enjoyed a 3R vacation—rest, relax and refuel. It felt great! Reflecting about our life together, gratitude filled our hearts. Our son’s life was on track. My husband’s business was doing well. My parents were relatively stable and I was busy building my own lucrative design business and teaching lots of classes. Life felt pretty darn good! As long as it lasted, the illusion of smooth sailing was intoxicating.
Only a couple of weeks after returning from our vacation, my bedroom phone jarred me awake in the pre-dawn hours. With my heart pounding wildly, I listened as the unemotional voice from the emergency monitoring service reported, “Your father, suffering severe chest pains, is being transported to the hospital by ambulance and your mother is remaining in the residence. I have another person listed here—another daughter, I believe. When I hang up with you, I will call and tell her what is happening.”
“Thank you,” were the only words I could think of. I dropped the phone, looked at my husband and willed myself to move. Dazed and on the verge of panic, my husband and I hurriedly dressed and headed in opposite directions. I raced to my parents' home to my mother, who was alone and surely frightened, while my husband intercepted Dad at the emergency room.
Rushing through the door, I entered my parents' normally orderly living room and noticed the way the couch and chairs had been pushed aside to clear a path for the gurney. A million thoughts streaked through my mind about what those moments must have been like for my dad. I found Mom, still wearing her nightgown, sitting on the bed, staring at the door.
Anxiously I said, “Mom, let’s get you dressed.”
“Where did they take him? He was so scared…” she said weakly, as tears began to trickle down her cheeks.
“They took Dad to the emergency room so the doctor could help him. What clothes would you like to wear?”
“I don’t know… I don’t know. Do you think he will be okay?” she asked with growing desperation.
“Mom, the only way I will know that, is if we get to the ER. Let me help you put your clothes on so we can leave,” I said, my tone of voice becoming stronger.
“Ok.”
Mom felt like a rag doll as I maneuvered her arms and legs into her clothing. It was as if she had no control over her limbs and didn’t completely understand what we were doing. After what seemed like an eternity, Mom was ready and I guided her toward their car.
When I arrived at the hospital with Mom, we discovered that Dad was already undergoing tests. Knowing that he had survived a heart attack and cardiac bypass surgery many years before and that his heart had been slowly failing for some time, my ability to remain calm was nearly impossible. After several hours of waiting and diagnostic tests, Dad was admitted to the hospital for further observation. He appeared to be resting with plenty of people to care for him, so I turned my focus back to my mother.
After encouraging my husband to go home, I took my mother to her house to eat and rest. Understandably, she had been quite shaken by the arrival of an ambulance in her driveway and strange people taking her husband away. Mom's behavior seemed odd to me, yet I couldn't put my finger on what I was sensing. I watched her eat a few bites and uncharacteristically push the food away, saying that her stomach was upset. She seemed overtaken by weariness, so I guided her away from the table and tucked her into her bed for a nap. Even in her somewhat confused state, Mom insisted that I go home.
Driving across town, I found my husband waiting for me at home.
He greeted me at the door and asked, “What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. I just have to wait and see what happens,” I responded. “Something about Mom is really strange. I know she was terribly upset by everything that happened with Dad, but she just isn’t herself at all.”
After a moment he said softly, “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
“I know,” I said.
Pulling me into his chest with his strong arms, I knew that together we could handle whatever might happen.
Only an hour after I left Mom, she called. When I answered my phone, I heard an almost inaudible voice say, “I think you’d better come back here right away.”
“Mom? What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. I feel… I feel sick.”
I found Mom sitting at the kitchen table staring into space with an assortment of my dad’s belongings in her lap; her abnormal demeanor puzzled me. We packed the odd things that Mom wanted to take to my dad and climbed back into the car. En route to the hospital, I told Mom that I thought we should stop by the emergency room before visiting my dad. I knew that an elderly person, once dehydrated, could quickly become disoriented. Mom was so frail that I was afraid even a minor bout of nausea could be the cause of her problem. I hoped that some fluids and medical attention might resolve the issue. She was mildly resistant, but cooperative as I explained my concern. After arriving at the hospital and getting Mom settled with someone to care for her in the ER, I was given a stack of papers for the second time in only a few hours. As quickly as my shaky hand would write, I entered Mom’s information in the familiar blanks. Turning to a nurse I said, “I’ll be back. I need to check on my dad.”
As