Beloved Daughter
One Woman’s Shadow Journey to find value in herself, that brought healing and forgiveness.
How she changed her story from being a victim of childhood abuse into a powerful celebration of being a woman
Joyce B. Boudreau
Copyright 2011 Joyce Boudreau,
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by Joyce B. Boudreau
Converted by http://www.eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-0-9878-5151-2
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to Cathy D’Entremont, my official editor. Your professional eye certainly helped this book become what it is today. Your wonderful suggestions were very insightful and enabled this book to become a clearer and richer story. Thank you for the dedication and support you give to writers. It is truly appreciated.
To Felicity at “First Choice Books;” I have learned a great deal and want to especially acknowledge you for not only for your professionalism but your patience and kindness you have given me through this publishing process.
Thank you to Roseanne, Patricia and Barb who also contributed to the formatting and editing of this book.
To dear Nikki; our older son’s beautiful partner. Thank you so much for your contribution to this book. Your keen eye and editing skills made for a much easier read. Also thank you for the amazing photos, you captured my vision on each one. Also thank you Nikki’s Dad, Terry Deveau for providing the picture of the ocean fury.
I want to acknowledge most of all, my family for having the courage to allow me to tell our story. Especially to my mother Helen; her courage is boundless. This is our story of healing, survival and forgiveness.
Introduction
This is a story of childhood abuse and domestic violence but most important, it is a transformational story. This story is about healing, acceptance and forgiveness. This is the shadow journey of one woman’s quest to discover the value of herself as a woman, but this story is for anyone, whether you have suffered abuse or not. Each of us on this planet is placed here for a journey of discovery: a discovery of authenticity. At some point in each person’s life we ask ourselves “Who am I really and what is my purpose in life?” “Why do I feel so stuck?” “I want to make changes but I don’t know where to begin”. If you are exploring these or other questions this book is for you. This amazing journey I call the shadow journey inspired me to train and become a certified Integrative Life Coach in three models of shadow coaching. These models were developed and taught by best-selling author Debbie Ford. I am honored and constantly humbled by how shadow coaching opens the door to healing.
The shadow journey is a compassionate in-depth look inside ourselves. It is about uncovering and healing those parts of us that we deem unacceptable or that we deny: both the dark and the light. We have all created patterns of beliefs and thoughts that come from our experience in this world. They are created mostly in our childhood. These beliefs come from the adults in our world when we are children. These are mostly unintentionally because as adults we think it is for our children’s own sake. It can be as “simple” as a negative message either nonverbally or verbally from a teacher, caretaker, or parent. Sayings such as “children should be seen and not heard” or ignoring our children because we are so overwhelmed with life to the absolute worst pain of emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Often these unconscious beliefs are well hidden and drive our everyday actions. They do not serve us well as adults. We find ourselves stuck in damaging patterns, blaming others, beating ourselves up, and staying stuck in a life that can be unfulfilling and often destructive. Even worse, when children witness or are the product of abuse, it burns indelible memories that can create protective scars around the heart. This can set up a lifetime of running from your true self, for those scars create a false sense of protection and unworthiness. When we are willing to look at ourselves, no matter what our history, both the light and the dark, we find peace and forgiveness both with ourselves and the world. A shadow journey is about being 100% responsible for our lives, no matter what challenges or struggles we have in our lives. I am constantly reminded that this is a journey and not a destination. Shadow work is ongoing and ever healing; as long as we are willing to continue honestly looking with gentle compassion at our reflections. Even as a shadow coach I am reminded daily that my journey is a continuous uncovering of new layers. I would not want it any other way.
This book is one person’s shadow journey yet this journey can be chosen by anyone who wants to find a true reflection of love and acceptance in the mirror.
Very few choose this path. As Confucius says, “The mirror reflects all objects without being sullied”.
The truth of who we are, both light and dark, is not always easy, yet is the most freeing! It is very hard to accept for most that everything we dislike or even hate in others is also in ourselves. Some of us may hide it better than others but nonetheless it is in us. It is easy to point a finger at others. The more courageous act is to concentrate on the other three fingers pointing back at ourselves.
This journey is about becoming an observer of your life, which means not blaming or judging our behavior as wrong or bad; simply it means learning to step back and listen and see what it is you really need. This means when we fall back into old dark negative behaviors we do not make ourselves wrong. Instead we simply observe the behavior and learn to ask ourselves loving questions. In time as we love ourselves more and stopping judging others these behaviors begin to dissipate.
Sometimes even harder to accept is that even those light traits we envy or wish we had in others are in fact already in us, just waiting to be uncovered. When we accept that life can be a wonderful teacher it can lead us to deep forgiveness and acceptance of ourselves and others; we are free! Just imagine a world where people stop trying to fix and control others and look only to ways of improving themselves and uplifting others. If we understand that we hold up mirrors to others as a reflection of what we think of ourselves, we then can start to let go of this illusion that somehow we are not connected to each other. Only when we can find value in ourselves can we truly reflect to others their value.
I use the word mirror for many reasons. I believe that our surroundings and our circumstances in life are a direct reflection of the way we see the world around us, the way we feel and the beliefs we have about them. When we tend to see only negative things in life, about ourselves and others we are holding on to unconscious beliefs that we were taught and we remain a victim. We often surrender to the belief that “nothing will ever change” so of course it will not.
Gregg Braden a New York Times best-selling author and scientist who is internationally renowned as a pioneer in bridging science and spirituality says. "Feeling is the Prayer: Ancient traditions remind us that the world around us is nothing more and nothing less than the mirror of what we've become in our lives, what we feel about our relationships with ourselves, one another and, ultimately, God. Scientific evidence now suggests precisely the same thing: What we feel inside our bodies is carried into the world beyond our bodies".
When we take time to think about this concept it is easier to understand. If you are a negative person you will repel really positive people