Perry Ritthaler

Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes


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or war took place. Much like the people in charge understood what stocks to buy prior to the 911 attacks create by others in the world; long before I entered the picture.

      Wall Street and Allan Greenspan loved the way I mixed and blended companies and science. During my work I watched the stock market soar. The DOW Jones industrial average went from sixty five hundred to ninety seven hundred.

      My propaganda movies became the government’s worst headache; when I was not paid any money; I made copies of every propaganda movie I made. The copies of my work are my only link to the government; and I have hidden seven cd copies on the island where I live. Sometimes I secretly hide a cd when I am riding around on my bicycle.

      When I wanted to hide a cd; I suddenly turn off the road into the bush and make it look like I am really looking at something. Some of my best research work empowering the Bush Administration is buried on Siesta Key in Florida.

      A digital cd has a one hundred-year life span; and I am a hard guy to follow on a bicycle. In the past month I feel like I have turned into the perfect spy. I have never been caught hiding one of my cd copies.

      Sean has agreed to help me buy a bus ticket to Texas. I am going to leave everything I own behind with Sean; and go to see my friend Sarge in Texas. Then I will ride a bus home to my mom and dad’s in Canada.

      My last two days in Florida feel painful and are very hard on me. This morning I awoke to the sound of many big black vulture birds in the front yard. The birds sounded strange to me.

      I stood up in my bed on the floor; and when I looked out the window I could tell the government was angry with me for leaving Florida in the middle of the Enron crisis.

      I can see five big ugly black vultures tearing a small cat apart on the grass. The black birds are tearing different parts of the cat; the big birds are eating the cat alive.

      I know the government is trying to psychologically torment me because they know I love cats.

      The government is telling me my cat is next and they are the birds.

      Besides I told the government people in my television; “who would ever believe I was the one helping them solve the finacial crisis and security crisis after the 911 attack”.

      I felt the pain in my heart watching the cat’s submission to death in the yard; and I know I am walking down a similar path.

      I am almost out of cash; I am still trying to work with the government. I am starting to realize how powerful the government is and every day I feel more afraid of the government.

      My government code name is the Northern Alliance; and I have chosen this name because I am from the north and I create strategies to help the rebels in Afghanistan align while they fight the Taleban.

      I find the maps of Afghanistan region on television very useful to see; and I am slowly getting used to how the Don Rumsfeld and the people in the government he controls.

      I hold my cat every chance I get; and every time I do tears fall down my face. I have tears in my eyes when I ask my landlady if she will adopt my cat; when I have to leave; and then I start to cry while I am holding my cat. I am speaking to my landlady; Ginger is a nice lady and she agreed to be my cat’s new family.

      I am going to miss my old brown cat.

      I hold my cat often and I cry like a baby being pulled away from its mother. My cat has been my companion for two happy years on the island. I cuddled my cat every hour; and I think he knows that I am going crazy. He watches me talk out loud to the television when I talk to the voices trapped deep inside my mind.

      I may be only one man; however I have a large footprint; and when I leave if others fail to fill my footprint properly Enron will fall.

      I miss being held by Kathy; she is my girlfriend; and I hurt inside my heart every time I think of not being with Kathy. My heart feels like it is tortured internally by my brain breaking into a thousand pieces.

      I try not to show my emotions because I do not want the government to get that much satisfaction. The government has tried to break me psychologically; and when I look at my reflection in the mirror I think they have succeeded.

      My mind feels like a broken crystal glass thrown onto a grey concrete floor. I am afraid the government is going to build a legal case against me and brain farm me locked away in a dungeon.

      I think the government will want to put me on trial for the Enron scandal if it falls. I know that the government is trying to frame me for a crime I did not physically touch to commit. I think framing me for a crime is the only way the government can hold me in Florida; unless they believe I am insane; and then who wants to be around crazy people.

      The last ten weeks have been very hard on me; and I no longer want to listen to the voices in my head telling me to work longer hours for the government.

      In the beginning I wanted be like Napoleon Hill in nineteen forties; when he lived in the basement of the White House. I have quietly trained myself for years waiting for the opportunity to recreate history emulating how Napoleon Hill advised the generals and President on how to invade countries and build economies; and in doing so personally help orchestrate control of huge parts of the world.

      I want to leave the covert spy job behind me in Florida. I am sure the government led by a jealous Dick Cheney has replaced me with one of their own people like Mr. Rove.

      Besides government agents did not smoke marijuana all the time like me. Like I spoke out loud many times; “who would ever believe a pot head is helping the President run the USA”?

      I feel psychologically triggered by pressure of shadow running the country; deep inside my brain; and this massive pressure is constantly pushing me to the edge of my abilities in my brain.

      I have to get out of Florida and away from the government covert manipulations. I am speaking to Sean and he agreed to pack some of my belongings into a storage locker when I leave Florida.

      Sean tried to talk me into staying at his house; and I declined Sean’s invitation because I know the government has bugged Sean’s home. I am too afraid of the government C.I.A knock program that never pays cash for my services.

      I hear the doorbell ring and I answer the door for Sean.

      I look up and I can see Kathy has tracked me down; and when Kathy looked at me; she had love in her eyes.

      I stepped outside of the house; and into Kathy’s open arms.

      I have shot my mouth off too often pointing out the security failures of the country; and now my mind is at war with the military hawks and Secret Service and C.I.A knock program; and Dick Cheney’s special team of the NSA.

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      Suddenly I remembered all of the love that Kathy and I have shared together. Kathy’s familiar perfume smells so good to me.

      I tell Kathy that this is my last night in Florida.

      Kathy grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. Kathy asked me; what is wrong with you; why are you leaving me?

      I pulled Kathy closer into my arms as tears rolled down my face. I told Kathy that she would not understand; I could see Kathy is trying to be patient with me.

      Kathy and I went for a walk around the block with heavy hearts; and tears rolling down our faces.

      My heart was overflowing with lost love. I kept holding Kathy’s hand while I pulled her firm body closer to mine. We would stop from time to time gazing into each other’s eyes; and then look at the brilliant stars that cascade across the universe.

      I am deeply in love with Kathy; and I am afraid the government will hurt her if I do not obey the voices sent to me through digital software signals in my head.

      I wish I never got involved with the government because the President feels like a brother I never