on. I was pleased to see it was only James arriving home from a drumming engagement and I smiled sweetly at my oldest brother. He took one look at me and said, ‘You’re drunk, Fatso, get to bed, I’m telling Mum in the morning.’
I started to protest my innocence but gave up in disgust. I staggered to bed and flaked out. I had to face the music the following morning but I managed to convince Edith that I was not drunk, ‘I was extremely tired I’d been in bed asleep when I heard a noise and came out into the hallway when James turned the light on me and nearly blinded me.’
Another Saturday night I went to the pictures with Roslyn and Carmen. After the movie a whole mob of us decided to walk to the local school which was at least two kilometres away. There was about twenty of us I guess, we were all laughing and joking and singing and we decided to link arms and spread across the entire width of the street. Some of us had our arms around each other’s waists, others placed their arms around the shoulders of the person next to them. We got about three quarters of the length of the street away from the picture theatre when I placed my arm around a girl by the name of Pat. As she was at least six inches taller than me, my arm rested on her backside. I could feel that she was wearing a corset and I patted her bum and said,
‘Are you wearing a corset?’ She was quite a big girl, certainly a lot thicker set than I was. She shrugged away and snapped very aggressively, ‘No, I most certainly am not.’
She shrugged my arm off her and moved away from me. I being a stirrer caught up with her and patted her again to make sure I did feel a corset and I said, ‘You are so. Hey everybody, Pat’s wearing a corset.’ Everyone laughed and the next thing I felt a surging pain on my face. Pat had punched me with a fist right on my nose. I staggered back and I could feel a stinging, burning sensation all over my cheeks. My eyes were involuntarily streaming with tears. I didn’t stop to think I just dived at her like a front row forward and tackled her to the ground. Legs, arms and fists were being thrust around like violent whirligigs whilst the crowd stood back and encouraged us with advice of where to punch next. I knew I was winning because I had landed the most punches and the crowd was chanting my name. Pat took her stiletto heeled shoes off and was about to hammer one into my head. I somehow managed to knock the shoe from her hand. As she struggled to grab hold of it again, I kicked my own shoes off and proceeded to hammer the two-inch high, thick heel onto her head with several hard blows. Someone grabbed me and pulled me away from her. The crowd congratulated me on a job well done and they said that she deserved everything I had given her and more. It was then that I learnt that she wasn’t very well liked. No one had bothered to tell her to bugger off because she had a very bad habit of turning nasty. I managed to sneak into the house without waking anyone and I slept like a baby even though my entire body felt like a steamroller had hit it.
On waking the following morning, I could hardly move without wincing in pain, but I managed to get dressed and walk to the breakfast table as if there was nothing wrong. As I sat down, I could feel everyone’s eyes staring at me. I looked around
Amelia ‘What’s wrong?’
James broke the silence, ‘Where did you go to last night?’
Amelia ‘To the pictures.’
Edward (laughing) ‘Pull the other leg it plays jingle bells.’
I was stunned by the fact that they didn’t believe me and I looked around at Edith and she had a disgusted look on her face. James and Edward were smirking and continued to just sit there and stare at me.
Amelia ‘What? What’s wrong with all of you, why are you all looking at me like that for?’
James (laughing) ‘How did you get the black eye, from looking too hard at the screen?’
I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and looked at my face and I nearly fell over in shock when I saw that my right eye was almost as black as the ace of spades. I went back to the kitchen and told them the entire story. Edith shook her head in disgust and was horrified, but James and Edward were in their glory and they encouraged me to tell them every move blow by blow. The more I told, the more they laughed. I loved that Sunday morning, hearing my two brothers laugh made me feel good.
I managed to hide most of the bruising of my eye with make-up and I didn’t miss any time off work. Although my co-workers knew that I was hiding a black eye, none of them bothered to ask. A customer came up to me a few days later and asked if I was Amelia Long, I replied that I was and she introduced herself as being Pat’s Mother. She told me that I had fractured Pat’s skull when I had hit her with my shoe and that she was going to see a solicitor to press charges against me. I was sick with worry and my hands were dripping wet with perspiration, but I very calmly told her that her daughter had attacked me first and that I had to defend myself and that I had about twenty witnesses to prove it. Everyone in the shop heard our discussion, which embarrassed me more than anything, but still no one said a word. About two weeks went by and the Ekka was on. Roslyn, Carmen and I went, and we saw Pat. She had found a couple of new friends to hang around with, and she challenged me to a rematch because she reckoned that I had fought dirty. I was absolutely terrified of her seeing her in daylight as I realised how big she was. She was about five feet six inches tall and weighed at least twelve stone. I was five feet tall and was flat out being eight stone. But I didn’t want to appear to be chicken, so with as much bravado I could muster I said, ‘You name the time and the place and I’ll be there,’ We agreed to meet two weeks from the following Saturday at the little park alongside the Fire Station near where we had fought. I packed death for the next two and a half weeks. I bought myself a big knuckle duster ring from Woolworths. I remember the setting had six small pink stones set in thick chunky silver. I had figured that a large stone could fall out on impact and the claws holding the stone could turn and cut into my hand. I wanted a strong thick metal that could withstand a pounding, as well as add weight to my hand. The ring I bought was wide, thick, solid and ugly. I wore it for about ten days to get used to the feel of it on my hand. Every waking moment I thought about that fight and I would imagine myself blocking her punches and what I could or wouldn’t do if she hit me in certain places. All the while I secretly prayed that she wouldn’t show up and the thought crossed my mind several times that I wouldn’t show up, but deep down I knew that neither of us would want to be called chicken. The big night finally arrived and as I arrived at the little park, I could not believe the size of the crowd that was waiting there. The word had spread the length and breadth of Brisbane, Ipswich and Redcliffe that there was to be a catfight. There were motorbike gangs from just about every area. There were at least two hundred people there to watch me thrash it out with this overgrown Amazon of a girl. We stood there facing each other, if you could call it that. She towered over me and someone instructed us to shake hands and come out fighting. We both refused to shake hands but I noticed that she was wearing a ring with a stone the size of the rock of Gibraltar when she thrust her fist towards me. She missed me by a country mile and I moved to the side and dived into the air as if I was on the springboard at the baths. I grabbed her hair and entwined it around my fingers and kept pulling and pulling as hard as I could. I brought her to her knees and she was screaming top note to let go. There was no way I was going to, I knew if I did, she would’ve overpowered me and that would’ve meant goodnight nurse for me.
I managed to punch her with my left fist but that would have had the impact of a dab of melted butter. She twisted herself around and lifted her hands to claw at my face and eyes. I felt her nails go down my cheeks and just as I had done a few years earlier with my dentist, I opened my mouth and sunk my fangs onto her thumb. I held onto her hair and my teeth clasped her thumb as tight as a grey nurse shark. She was screaming and the crowd was cheering. The next thing, I felt more than heard, a large cracking noise. I was biting with such ferocity that my false teeth snapped in half. I let go of her thumb and yelled, ‘I’ve busted my false teeth,’ Someone yelled above the roar of the crowd, ‘Spit them out.’ But I wouldn’t and I said, No one sees me without my teeth, I’m giving up.’ The crowd went wild telling me not to give up because I was winning. They tried their hardest to make me spit my teeth out with promises of, ‘No one will laugh at you.’
But I was adamant, I’d had enough taunts when