in the first place. It seemed like she made enough money at her job. She worked at a retirement home, and we never had this happen before. We had had our cable get turned off a couple of times until she got paid, and once our phone was even off for a week. But I never in my life been cold before. I think this is just as bad as being hungry.
School was the same bunch of dumb classes, but at least it was warm. I couldn’t wait until the end of the day, though, so I could go to practice. That was the only thing that made me happy and kept me going, knowing that the talent show was coming up. When I got onstage I didn’t care about anyone saying anything about my teeth or saying I was too skinny. When I sing, no one notices any of that. They only pay attention to my voice. The show was in one week and I couldn’t wait to be on that stage and be special and get all the attention.
At practice this girl name Jackie said she was singing Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart.” She sounded horrible! Her voice didn’t suit the song at all. But she had her heart set on that song and said her mom was getting her a dress made. I told her that was nice, but I wasn’t going that far. I was just wearing a blue dress that I had since last summer. We stayed in rehearsal until Mr. Smith, the janitor, told me he was locking up. I practiced my notes over and over again. I was going to sing perfectly and get a standing ovation.
After I left school I walked to the corner and waited for the C bus. It was not coming, so I started walking. I got about three blocks down and saw the bus approaching. I was in the middle of the block, so I ran to the next corner. I thought the bus was going to pass me. The bus driver saw me, opened the door, and let me on. I put a token in and walked to the back of the crowded bus. There was nowhere to sit, but two stops later a lady got off and I sat in her seat. I finally was able to relax until my stop. I layed my head against the window, closed my eyes, and prayed that the heat was back on and everything was back to normal.
From the corner of my block I saw my dad John’s car. I opened the door and hoped that he had taken care of everything.
“Hey, Dad, you got the gas back on?” I asked.
“No, your mom gonna handle that. I just bought y’all a few kerosene heaters to keep it warm in here,” he said, pouring something into the heaters.
“Oh? Why didn’t you just pay the bill?” I asked.
“Kendra, your mother let the gas get cut off. So she is responsible for getting it back on.”
I corrected him and said, “Well, if you would have paid your child support she probably could have paid the bill.”
“You don’t know what I pay or what I do,” he said, stopping and looking up at me.
“I do know what you don’t do. I know if you wouldn’t have left us, our heat would still be on. I know you care more about Charlotte and her kids than you do about us. I know you don’t ever come see us. You worried about that stupid woman. She got you brainwashed,” I said as I stood over him with my hands on my hips.
“Kendra, your mouth is so damn smart. You going to end up just like your mother—old, miserable, and alone.”
“My mother isn’t old, miserable, or alone. You know what? You real stupid, taking care of Charlotte’s three kids that ain’t yours while you got five here that belong to you.”
“Don’t mind my business. Stay in a child’s place,” he said under his breath.
I let him know I heard what he said. “I’m not a child. I’m almost grown. I don’t know if you remember, but I’ll be eighteen in a month,” I shouted.
“Well, I’m glad you almost grown. Don’t look for anything from me since you so damn grown.”
I wanted to tell my dad, fuck you. But I still had a little respect for him, so I flagged him and said, “Whatever!”
Alanna walked in out of the cold. “Daddy,” she screamed as she ran and hugged the man who didn’t do anything for us. She treated my dad like a king and he loved her treatment.
“Hey, princess,” he said as he gave her a kiss. As mean as Alanna was to everyone else, she adored him. There was something wrong with that girl, but then they say the absent parent gets all the love. I walked out of the living room into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and pulled out some Hawaiian Punch juice, then sat down and started my homework.
After my dad installed and filled the three kerosene heaters, he walked out of the door like he always did. Usually I would start dinner, but with no gas I had to wait until my mother came home, which she did around five-thirty.
“Daddy was here,” I said as she walked through the door.
“What he say?” my mother asked.
“Nothing. He left those kerosene heaters. He got smart with me ’cause I told him he should pay you your child support on time.”
“Your dad does the best he can. At least this will give me some more time until I’ll be able to get the heat on,” she said, a little relieved as she checked out the kerosene heaters.
“You going back out, Mom?” I asked.
“Yeah. Here, order two pizzas. If you need me I’ll be down at the Pearl,” she said as she handed me a twenty.
I ordered the pizza and fed Bubbles and Bilal when they got home from their after-school program. I had to admit it did feel warmer with the kerosene heaters. I didn’t have to walk around with blankets over me, but I still hated my dad. The phone rang. It was Chantel.
“What’s up?”
“Kendra, I called to tell you that Dajuan likes you!”
“No, he don’t.”
“Yes, he do. He told me. You got to get with him. You know he got a car and he having a party Saturday. He told me to tell you to come. You think he cute, right?”
“Yeah, he is cute, but come on. Ain’t he like in the eleventh grade?”
“He really belongs in the twelfth grade, and he goes to night school so he can graduate on time.”
“He’s cute, but I don’t like him like that. I don’t have time for dumb boys. And don’t he go with Andrea?”
“No, they broke up. Think about what you going to wear Saturday, okay?”
“You going to do my hair?” Bubbles asked, interrupting my conversation.
“Wait a minute. When I get off the phone. Go get the comb and grease and tell Bilal to get ready for bed.”
I heard her tell Bilal I said to go to bed and I heard him say, “Man, I’m playing the game.”
“You heard what I said, Bilal,” I screamed up the steps.
“Man, can’t I stay up a little longer?” he yelled back.
“No, ’cause you not gonna want to get up in the morning,” I said as I got back on the phone.
“Chantel, I have to go. I’ll go to the party on Saturday.” I hung up the phone and began to part, grease, and braid Bubble’s hair in five cornrows going back. Then I went upstairs to relax and get ready for bed. I put my Walkman on my head and began to sing along with my Mary J. Blige tape. I’d loved her ever since she came out with “Real Love.” She was so good, and her voice and lyrics were so deep. I pulled out my song book and began writing. I wrote in my book every time I had a thought. I kept it to the side of my bed. My thoughts were rudely interrupted by Alanna. “Why you always got to be singing? Why don’t you shut up sometimes?” She said as she came into our bedroom. I tried to pay her no attention. She was in the room planning her wardrobe for the week like the snob she was.
“Kendra, did you wear my pink and purple striped shirt?”
“No.”
“Yes, you did. How come I can’t find it?”
“Leave