Carl Weber

So You Call Yourself A Man


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my wife Jessica was probably just finishing up breakfast for the kids. I was about to pull out my cell and give her a call, but before I could get it out of my jacket, I was knocked to the ground by two middle-aged white guys in suits. They didn’t even look back to see if I was all right. All I heard from one of them was, “Sorry,” as he raced past me. Well, there was no question I wasn’t in Seattle anymore, that was for sure. I was back in my hometown of New York City, where rudeness rules, everything is more expensive, and life just seems to move at a quicker pace. God, do I love this city.

      I brushed myself off and continued toward the baggage claim. I thought about calling Jessica again but decided against it when I saw that she’d left three text messages on my phone. I’d only been in New York a few minutes, and it was probably better if I let her and the kids have a chance to miss me for a while. Besides, she’d call back. That I was sure of. Jessica couldn’t go more than a few hours without talking to me.

      A half-hour later, I was standing on the sidewalk outside the baggage claim area, smoking a cigarette. As I predicted, Jessica had called back not once but twice, and now that we’d hung up, I was doing some window-shopping. New York might be fast, but it had some of the best window-shopping in the world. “Window-shopping” was a term I came up with after Jessica and I got married and she would catch me looking at another woman’s ass. Let’s get something straight, though. I never cheated on my wife. Hell, I was too damn busy trying to keep her happy so she wouldn’t cheat on me. You see, I’m an ass man. I can’t help looking when a nice booty walks by me, but I don’t touch. When Jessica caught me checking out someone’s rear, I told her, “Don’t worry, baby. I’m just window-shopping. A brother’s got no intentions to buy generic when he’s got brand-name at home.” Then I’d slap her playfully on what quite honestly might be the most beautiful butt I’d ever seen. She never gave me any argument about that, probably because she knew how much I loved her and how committed I was to her and our family. I was about as devoted a family man as you can get. That was the main reason I was back in New York looking for a job. I needed to take care of my family properly.

      “Sonnyyyyyyyyyy!”

      I looked up and saw the resident pretty boy, one of my best friends, Brent Williams, headed my way through the crowd. After all these years, he was still probably the most handsome brother I’d ever met, and it had been that way since we were in grade school. When Brent was around, it was the women who did the window-shopping, and that’s what most of them standing outside the baggage claim area were doing as he walked by. I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched all the turned heads and not-so-subtle double takes. That Brent drove women crazy.

      A good six feet three inches tall, Brent had chiseled bronze features with a low military cut and a body that women lusted after. Even under his suit jacket, it was obvious to anyone within eyesight that he was ripped. The thing I liked about Brent was that unlike most pretty boys, he didn’t let his good looks go to his head. Oh, he’d had his share of women over the years—lots of women—but he never made a big deal about his looks or the attention women gave him. To be honest, he seemed to resent it at times. I guess that’s why he had so much trouble keeping a steady relationship. He wanted someone who was attracted to the man inside, someone who shared his interests and wasn’t just looking for an arm ornament she could show off to her girlfriends. I know it almost sounds like what a woman looks for in a man, but you’d be surprised how hard a good woman is to find, and Brent had been searching for his Mrs. Right for quite a while. That’s why James and I were so happy when he met Alison. She’s a little big for my taste, but she’s the perfect woman for Brent, especially with her being a Sunday school teacher and him recently being saved and wanting to go into the clergy.

      “Sonny! Man, it’s good to see you.” Brent wrapped his arms around me and gave me a brotherly hug. “I missed you, man. Dag-gone, I wish you’d move back to New York.”

      I smiled as I hugged him back. “I missed you too, bro. And believe it or not, I might be moving back to New York sooner than you think if James can get me a job as a driver working at UPS.”

      Brent straightened his back, cynicism written across his face. I was too embarrassed to tell him I’d been out of work the past three months and that James was my only hope for employment. “And Jessica is cool with that? She’s actually going to let you be a driver?”

      I let out an aggravated sigh. Brent and James didn’t like my wife because they thought she was too high-maintenance and controlling. They were under the impression that Jessica had me henpecked. They believed she moved me to Seattle three years ago so that I would be away from their influence.

      I looked him straight in the eyes. “It was her idea. She knows how much I miss you guys and New York. Contrary to popular belief, she wants me to be happy, Brent.”

      “I hear you, man. God does say, let those without sin cast the first stone.” Brent released me and picked up one of my bags. “Maybe I misjudged her, Sonny.”

      “There ain’t no maybe to it, bro. You and James been misjudging my wife since day one. She’s a good woman, Brent, the best, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. I’ve only been away from her half a day and I already feel lost. I just wish you guys could understand that.”

      “I hear you, man, and I’m glad you’re happy.” His voice was less enthusiastic than his words.

      “Excuse me.” I glanced toward the voice to see this fine, brown-skinned flight attendant staring directly into Brent’s face like he was a rock star or something, but it wasn’t just her face I was looking at, ’cause the girl had an ass like Jennifer Lopez. Brent turned his head to acknowledge her presence, but his eyes never acknowledged her beauty or her phenomenal ass.

      “Can I help you?” he asked.

      She smiled seductively, her eyes locked on his. “Maybe we can help each other. My name’s Yvonne. I’m from Atlanta, but my crew is on an eighteen-hour layover. I’m staying over at the airport Ramada and wanted to know if you’d like to join me for a drink.” She removed a small business card from her bag, and without even waiting for Brent’s answer, she offered it to him. He accepted it with his free hand. “Here’s my card. My cell phone number is on the back. You can call me anytime.” She winked, this time waiting for his answer.

      The way she was looking at him screamed, I’m gonna rock your world, and made me wanna say, “Damn, can he bring a friend? All I wanna do is watch.”

      Brent glanced at the card then at me. “Yvonne, is it?”

      “Yes.” She nodded, her smile growing wide, like a fisherman who’d just caught the big one. Only this fish was the one that got away, because Brent pushed the card back in her hand.

      “What are you doing?” Her smile had disappeared.

      “I’m flattered. Believe me, I’m flattered.” He answered. “But I’m engaged, and I’m sure my fiancée wouldn’t be too happy with me taking you out for a drink or calling you, no mater what time it is.” He wasn’t being rude, but there was a definite seriousness to his voice.

      Yvonne obviously didn’t want to accept defeat. “Well, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, will it?” She took a step closer and tried to push the card back into his hand. “And I sure as hell ain’t gonna tell her, so you ain’t got nothin’ to worry about.”

      “I didn’t have anything to worry about in the first place because I’m not meeting you,” Brent told her with finality. He turned to me. “You ready to go, Sonny?”

      “Yeah, sure.”

      “Good, ’cause James is waiting in the car, and for some reason he’s got a stick up his butt.” He reached down and picked up my other bag. “Oh, and Ms. Yvonne, you have a blessed day, and remember, keep Jesus first.”

      I looked at the woman, who looked like she was picking her ego up off the ground. “Don’t feel bad. He does that to all the pretty girls.”

      As we walked away, I glanced at Brent. He seemed unfazed by what had just transpired. Damn, now that’s what