Nigel Smith

Nathalia Buttface and the Most Epically Embarrassing Trip Ever


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       Copyright

      First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2015

      HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd,

      HarperCollins Publishers

      1 London Bridge Street

      London, SE1 9GF

      The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

       Nathalia Buttface and the Most Epically Embarrassing Trip Ever

      Text copyright © Nigel Smith 2015

      Cover illustration © Sarah Horne 2015

      Nigel Smith and Sarah Horne assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

      Source ISBN: 9780007545230

      Ebook Edition © 2015 ISBN: 9780007545247

      Version: 2015-02-13

       To Michèle. Because mums who live with embarrassing dads suffer just as much.

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

      Copyright

       Dedication

      Chapter One

      Chapter Two

      Chapter Three

      Chapter Four

      Chapter Five

       Chapter Eight

       Chapter Nine

       Chapter Ten

       Chapter Eleven

       Chapter Twelve

       Chapter Thirteen

       Chapter Fourteen

       Chapter Fifteen

       Chapter Sixteen

       Chapter Seventeen

       Chapter Eighteen

       Chapter Nineteen

       Chapter Twenty

       Chapter Twenty-one

       Chapter Twenty-two

       Chapter Twenty-three

       Chapter Twenty-four

       Chapter Twenty-five

       Chapter Twenty-six

       Chapter Twenty-seven

       Chapter Twenty-eight

       Chapter Twenty-nine

       Chapter Thirty

       Chapter Thirty-one

       Chapter Thirty-two

       Chapter Thirty-three

       Chapter Thirty-four

       Chapter Thirty-five

       Chapter Thirty-six

       The Bit After the Book’s Finished

       A Sneek Preview from Nathalia Buttface

       Also by Nigel Smith

       About the Author

       About the Publisher

       Image Missing

      Image Missing’m not going on holiday to France, Dad,” said Nathalia Bumolé, crossly. “It’s rubbish.”

      The Most Embarrassing Dad in the World paused. He hadn’t expected this reaction. In fact, he had come home from the pub with his Great French Holiday Idea feeling really pleased with himself.

      Dad liked France. He liked the weather and the food and the wine and talking to local people.

      “You wear STUPID shorts, your bald spot goes pink and peely, you drink red wine every day and get silly and even more embarrassing than usual and your teeth look like a vampire’s,” Nat went on, not pausing for breath, “and THE VERY WORST thing is, you talk in a funny accent.”

      “It’s called speaking French.”

      “It is not, Dad, it’s called ‘speaking English in a silly voice’. You don’t even bother to change the words. You are literally supposed to change the words to actual French ones. I know that and I’m eleven. BUT I didn’t know it at my primary school, did I? In my first French lesson.”

      Dad put the kettle on. He knew what was coming; he’d heard this story about Nat’s first French lesson a lot. He looked around the kitchen for support from Mum but she was in the living room. She was pretending to do emails, but she was really playing a game on her phone and having a quiet giggle at Dad being in trouble again.

      “Cos of you, when Madame Hérisson asked us who could speak any French, I put my hand up.”

      “Biscuit?” said Dad, still trying to avoid the story. “There might be one left as your nan’s not been here for a couple of days.”

      But Nat wasn’t going to let him escape. She was an angry blur of stick arms and legs and flying blonde hair. Dad was already regretting getting her out of bed to tell her about the Great French Holiday Idea.

      Nat