usually a little drunk and yet I still go over there. Seriously?”
“Do you want to be in a relationship?”
Her lips pursed as she pulled her knit cap down over her ears. “You know, I don’t think so.”
I frowned. “Then why are you so upset because he doesn’t want to be.”
“Because he should want to be in a relationship with me! I’m friggin’ awesome.”
Fighting a grin, I glanced at her. “You are awesome.”
Brit smiled. I’d met Jimmie a couple of times around campus with Brit. He seemed like a pretty okay guy, but I really believed she could do better than some guy that only called her when he was drunk. So I told her that.
“And that’s why we’re friends,” she responded, wiggling her arm through mine. “Man, where did fall go? It’s like winter came out of nowhere and bitch smacked us.”
“I know.” I shuddered as we stopped at the intersection. “I feel sorry for the kids who are about to go trick or treating tomorrow night. They’re going to freeze.”
“Fuck the kids,” she said, causing me to giggle. “I’m dressing as an angel—a slutty angel.”
“Of course.”
“And that means I’m basically wearing lingerie. My nipples will probably freeze and fall off. Speaking of which, don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been avoiding the whole party topic.”
I had no idea how she went from frozen nipples to that.
Outside of the register’s office, she pinned me with a look. “You have to go with us. Everyone is going to be there.”
Looking away, I watched campus police doing a car unlock for an unlucky person. “I don’t know. Not big on Halloween parties.”
“You’re not big on any parties. Come on, you’ve got to come. I need you there. Jimmie will be there and I’ll need you to punch me in the vagina.”
I laughed. “I’m sure Jacob will gladly do that for you.”
“It’s not the same! He doesn’t understand and gives the worst advice. He’d probably tell me to go hook up with him,” she protested, and I had to imagine that was true. “You have to come. Please. Pretty please.”
My resolve to not even consider this party started to crack. Jacob had been talking about it all week. Last night, as Cam and I were finishing up our assignment and in-between him asking me out, he even brought up the party his friend Jase was throwing. Jase was a year younger than Cam and pretty high up in one of the frats, which one I couldn’t remember. I’d seen Cam with him a couple of times, but we’d never spoken. Not that any of that mattered, because even considering going to this party had the beginnings of an ulcer forming in my stomach.
“I got to head in here and take care of the stupid scheduling for next semester.”
She’d been having a hell of a time getting classes. I’d been lucky and got into all the classes I’d wanted. “Are you going to cut a bitch?”
“Maybe.” Brit gave me a quick hug. “Thank you for walking me here.”
“No problem.” I was done for the day, so I didn’t have much else to do.
She started up the wide steps but turned around. “Think about the party. Please? You need to go, not just for me, it will be fun. You’ll get to let loose a little. Okay?”
I took a deep breath. “I’ll think about it.”
“Like really think about?” When I nodded, she said, “Promise?”
“Promise.”
Brit headed into the building and I was probably going to be heading to the store to get some Tums. I was going to need them.
#
There were times in my life when I knew what I was thinking was wrong. Knowing that didn’t make things any easier. Going to a Halloween party shouldn’t have me sitting in my moon chair with a bottle of Tums beside me and a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road in my hands.
A half empty carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
I felt like I was well on my way to becoming the neighborhood cat lady. All I needed were the cats.
Shortly after leaving campus, I had gotten a text from Cam about the party. He wanted me to go. Brit wanted me to go. Jacob wanted me to go. I wanted to go, but….
Groaning, I put the lid on the ice cream and shoved to my feet. I was nineteen years old. Living on my own. I told my mother to suck it and I actually hugged Cam and told him that I missed him. Going to this party shouldn’t be that big of a deal. It was about time that I did something like this. If I didn’t do it now, would I ever do it?
Probably not.
I put the ice cream away and then moved onto the spray bottle stashed under the sink. Spraying the surface of everything in my kitchen, I started cleaning with a wicked vengeance.
I could do it.
My heart flopped in my chest and it felt like my stomach had dropped to my feet.
No, I couldn’t.
Scrubbing the counter by the stove, the light reflected off the silver bracelet, catching my attention. I stopped, unable to look away from something that had become a staple in my every day life. Putting the bottle down and dropping the cloth, I reached out and slid the bracelet off. Turning my arm over, I forced myself to look at the scar. I was ashamed of it, did everything in my power to hide it, but for what? Staying in my apartment, being antisocial and a general loser? Certain things were probably always going be a no go for me or insanely awkward, but going to a fucking party? Was I really that crippled by what happened, that five years later I couldn’t go to one?
I put the bracelet back on as I leaned against the counter.
I had to do this. I needed to do this. At least try to do this. My heart started its panicked thumping as I pushed off the counter and headed into the living room. I dug my phone out of my bag and before I thought about what I was doing, I opened Cam’s text from earlier and sent Okay.
A few seconds passed and then there was a text back. Incoming.
“Incoming?” What in the—?
There was a knock on my door.
Rolling my eyes, I tossed my phone on the couch and went to the door. “You didn’t have to come over.”
Cam strolled right in, twisting his cap on backward.
“Well, help yourself.”
He stopped near the kitchen and frowned. “Why does your apartment smell like Clorox?”
“I was cleaning.”
A brow went up.
“The whole kitchen,” I said sheepishly. “You know, you could’ve saved yourself the trip and just responded to the text.”
Casting me a long look, he sat on the couch. “I needed the exercise.”
Yeah, he did not need the exercise.
He patted the spot beside me. “Come sit with me.”
I stared.
“Come on.”
Muttering under my breath, I stepped over his legs and sat. “Alright, I’m sitting.”
His lashes lowered, and I felt his gaze on my mouth. Warmth spread across my cheeks, and his grin went up a notch. “So you texted me with the word okay. I’ve asked you two things today. So I’m curious to which one you’re finally agreeing to.”
I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around