special.”
She didn’t believe that for a second. “Look, I’m not saying college is, like, nirvana or something, but it sure as hell beats working at a car wash.”
“College costs all kinds of dough I don’t have.”
“That’s what scholarships are for.” She flashed on the year-end assembly that had taken place a few weeks earlier. She would have skipped out, except the alumni magazine had needed her to take pictures. Some military guys had given a presentation on how to get paid to go to school. She’d zoned out during the presentation, but the topic had stuck with her. “Then get into the ROTC. Reserve Officer Training Corps. The military picks up the cost of your schooling. Earn while you learn, that’s what they said.”
“Yeah, but there’s a catch. There’s always a catch. They send you to war.”
“They’d probably let you do more than bungee jumping.”
“What are you, a recruiter for these guys?”
“Just telling you what I know.” She didn’t really care whether or not this kid went to college. For that matter, she didn’t really care whether or not she got into college. Pot tended to make her chatty. She put the now-cold joint into a Ziploc bag to save for later. Maybe to save for somebody who wanted to get high with her. The trouble was, she really only felt like hanging out with Julian. There was something about him. “It must be weird to go to a high school where no one helps you get into college,” she said. “But just because no one’s helping you doesn’t mean you can’t help yourself.”
“Sure.” He tossed another dry branch on the fire. “Thanks for the public service announcement.”
“You’ve got a chip on your shoulder,” she said.
“And you’ve got your head in the clouds.”
Daisy laughed aloud, tilting back her head as she imagined the notes of her voice floating upward with the sparks and smoke from the fire. She felt wonderful around him, and it wasn’t the pot. She liked him. She really, really liked this guy. He was different and special and kind of mysterious. He didn’t touch her, though she wanted him to. He didn’t kiss her, though she wanted that, too. He simply sat back and offered a subtle, slightly lopsided smile.
Those eyes, she thought, feeling a peculiar warmth shudder through her. She looked into them and thought, Hello, other half of my soul. It’s good to finally meet you.
Present Day
Daisy pondered her history with Julian far more than she should, especially at times like this, the middle of the night, when she was all by herself, her body aching for a human touch. If her life had followed a movie script, everything would have been simple after that first unlikely, electrifying meeting. The music would swell, the birds would sing, and that would be that. Go directly to happily ever after. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go.
It was a lot of baggage to lay on the first meeting of two teenagers, she acknowledged. The wilderness camp had been the ideal setup for a summer romance—two star-crossed kids, attracted to each other against all common sense … forced apart at summer’s end by families who didn’t understand them. Perfect.
Except things hadn’t played out that way. Instead, Daisy and Julian had done the impossible. Resisting the heady rush of revved up hormones, they had spent the summer in an agony of yearning, and by some miracle they hadn’t hooked up. It wasn’t really a miracle, but Julian’s self-restraint. He’d made a vow to his brother to stay out of trouble, and it hadn’t taken her long to realize he was a man of his word. At summer’s end, they had gone their separate ways, resigning themselves to circumstances.
She should have realized they never had a chance to be more to each other than a summer memory. Back in Manhattan that fall, Daisy went a little nuts at the start of her senior year in high school. She’d made an incredibly bad decision that had resulted in an incredibly precious gift—Charlie, born the summer after graduation. But just because she’d had a baby didn’t mean she could forget Julian. She never had. She kept waiting and hoping their time would come. But she had a kid, and Julian had a dream of his own to follow.
She tried to read between the lines of the invitation to his commissioning ceremony, a futile endeavor, since it was printed, like all the others had been. The words on the back could be interpreted in a variety of ways. Did he really want to see her, or was he simply being polite?
She didn’t know, because she was in a weird place with him, like always. Despite a mutual, undeniable attraction, she tried to stay resigned to the fact that she and Julian were destined to go their own ways. He was a graduating senior at Cornell, focusing on school and on his ROTC program, as well he should. She lived in Avalon now, a place that had seemed as bleak as Siberia when she’d first seen it that first summer at Camp Kioga. These days, she called it home because it was close to family, the best place to raise Charlie.
There didn’t seem to be any way for her and Julian to be together without one of them sacrificing everything. Some things, she told herself often, simply weren’t meant to be. Still, she couldn’t help but dream, and in the deepest, most sleepless hours of the night, she caught herself wondering if her time would ever come, if she’d ever experience the searing joy of love her camera captured, wedding after wedding.
A small inner voice reminded her that she’d had her chance, not so long ago. There had been a ring, a proposal … but she’d been too scared and confused to even consider it. She’d opted instead for a year of studying abroad with Charlie, which ultimately proved to her how very much she needed her family.
Oh, Daisy, she thought. Figure out your own heart. How hard could it be?
Torn and restless, she set down the invitation and walked away, her chest already squeezing tight with emotion. Julian had always had that effect on her, from the first moment they’d met as teenagers.
Yet in spite of the diverging paths their lives took, their connection persisted. During their college years—she at SUNY New Paltz, he at Cornell—they managed to see each other on rare occasions. Whenever their school holidays synched up and didn’t bump up against his ROTC training and duties, they stole time together. And on each occasion, the yearning that had begun all those summers ago flared, more intense than ever. It seemed to grow despite all the life events that intervened. They continued to seek each other out, but it was never enough. She didn’t understand it, tried to rationalize it away, because being with a guy like Julian seemed so impossible. Their lives kept leading them away from each other. He had the ROTC and Cornell, and she had Charlie, work and … Charlie’s dad. No wonder things had never worked out for her and Julian.
Sometimes when Daisy fantasized about being with Julian, she tried to imagine him and Charlie together, like father and son.
But the painful fact was, Julian seemed adamant about not taking on that role. He was nice enough to Charlie, yet she could see Julian keeping his distance. She recalled a time when Charlie had slipped and called Julian “Daddy.” Julian had winced visibly and said, “I’m not your daddy, boy.”
Little had he known the remark would give rise to a nickname. From that day onward, Charlie had dubbed Julian “Daddy-boy.”
When you were a single mom, Daisy reminded herself, your life was dictated by the needs of your child. Charlie needed a dad, not a daddy-boy.
Against all expectations, Logan was a pretty great dad. Like Daisy, he’d earned his degree from SUNY New Paltz and settled in Avalon. He had bought an insurance agency from a guy who was retiring. Business was brisk. Despite hard economic times, people still needed to cover their asses in case something happened. Daisy didn’t know whether or not he felt passionate about his career, but he was totally devoted to Charlie. So far, their unconventional arrangement was working out.
Sometimes she caught herself wondering if this was really supposed to be her life.
She sighed, picked up the invitation once more, and turned