Relieved, Ruthie thanked her and raced out the door with Gray.
* * *
He’d hoped—since he no longer prayed—that he wouldn’t feel a thing for Ruthie when they met again. Stupid of him to think it for even one short minute. Everything he’d ever felt for her came rushing back the instant he caught sight of those big greenish-brown eyes and those wild freckles. Twenty-nine. There were twenty-nine freckles, and he’d taken delight in counting each and every one, before he’d learned the greater delight of kissing them.
How she’d laughed. But then, that was Ruthie. She always laughed. How could he have forgotten? Fine. He hadn’t forgotten, any more than he’d forgotten her generosity, her business acumen, her... He scowled. The bottomless faith she possessed that kept him from ever taking her for his wife.
They had been good together—like a key in a lock. But then that fateful day in Afghanistan had happened, shaking and even breaking the faith he’d lived by all his life. As a result, he’d lost an important part that had made them fit together so perfectly. Ever the optimist, she had believed they could work through the problem, but he hadn’t wanted to lead her on when he knew that his foundering belief made them incompatible. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her—to hurt either of them—with the hope that their differences could be overcome.
In order to protect her from his own traitorously weak will, he had turned away from her. Refused to answer her letters that asked questions for which he himself did not know the answers.
To be honest, it had been hard to lock away his feelings for Ruthie. To shove his emotions aside and move on, putting one foot in front of the other.
But that was then. He was a different person now, with different beliefs. His time in the army had taken him through some harsh experiences, led him to make some difficult decisions, but it had also taught him to get the assignment done, no matter what was going on inside his head and heart. Being around Ruthie meant he needed to barricade his heart. Not so much for himself as to protect her.
The inconvenient truth was that he still loved her. And for that reason, he could not let her know how much she still meant to him.
On the way to the hospital, Gray tried not to think about the woman in the passenger seat, so he used the short ride to fill her in on the details. Pop had left Naoko in the ground-floor bedroom for only a short time to prepare her favorite meal of udon noodles. When he returned with the lunch tray a short while later, Naoko’s leg had become painful and swollen. Her doctor had warned them of potentially fatal complications after the hip surgery, so Pop had promptly called the rescue squad. A follow-up call revealed that they’d arrived at the hospital and Naoko had been whisked off for tests to see if the clot was starting to move. The worst-case possibility was that it could travel to her lungs and kill her.
When they arrived at the hospital, they were told she was being moved to a room to stay overnight. After she was settled in, someone would give them the room number. He led Ruthie to a quiet corner of the waiting room to wait for Pop to come tell them that Sobo was going to be fine. That was the hope anyway.
Gray leaned back in the waiting room chair and covered his eyes with the crook of his arm. He had no idea what had prompted him to swing by Abundance and pick up Ruthie. At the time, he had told himself it was because her presence would be a comfort to Pop. Gray could have just as easily told her the news and let her find her own way to the hospital, but some inner urge had propelled him to the store Ruthie had opened shortly after their breakup...compelled him to draw her close during this time of need.
Until now he’d been doing so well keeping his distance. Pretending he and Ruthie didn’t mean anything to each other anymore. Now, with this one short exposure to the pretty redhead with the soft-spoken demeanor and gentle encouragement, the years and distance melted away. If he was honest with himself, he’d have to admit he needed her as much as Pop did. Maybe more. The realization made him uncomfortable. For now, he’d stick with the excuse he’d given her on the car ride over here...that Sobo and Pop would want to see her after Sobo came out of the emergency room.
A few minutes later, he felt more than heard Ruthie get up from the couch beside him and pace the floor. Before that she’d been staring at her lap, her lips moving in silent prayer. He doubted her heartfelt pleas would do Sobo any good, but if the lifelong ritual brought Ruthie comfort, that was all that mattered.
“Pop’s been gone a long time.” Concern laced her smooth voice. “I thought all they had to do was wheel Sobo to the in-patient floor and Pop would come tell us her room number. They could have moved her to Tokyo and back by now.”
He dropped his arm and sat upright. “They probably have to hook her up to drips and get her settled first. That always takes time.”
Ruthie stopped pacing and returned to the seat beside him. “I’m glad you came for me,” she said without looking at him. “Sobo and Pop mean a lot to me.”
He studied her while she toyed with an old-fashioned amethyst ring on her right hand. Her left hand remained bare, leading him to wonder who she might be dating now. Although his grandparents occasionally mentioned her in passing, they always steered clear of information that might be too personal...or too painful.
“I know,” he said softly. “And you mean a lot to them.”
With her hazel gaze fixed on him, her steady assessment seemed to be more in response to what he didn’t say than what actually came out of his mouth. To be fair to her, though, he wouldn’t tell her the rest...that she also meant a lot to him.
Even if it was the truth.
He wished he could believe again. It would be so much simpler if he did. But after being abandoned by God during his time of greatest need—an event that had resulted in the death of a young man who’d counted on him and God for protection—Gray saw no point in pretending. And he refused to lie to Ruthie by letting her think he still believed. Why couldn’t he be like other guys? Just tell a girl what she wanted to hear and reap the benefits of her affection. He could have easily continued on with their marriage plans and let her comfort him through the grief he’d endured in that hellish place called Afghanistan. But that wouldn’t have been fair to her. And his daddy hadn’t raised him that way.
Gray had been barely five years old when his father had pulled him aside prior to deployment to Saudi Arabia, explaining that during his absence Gray was to serve as the man of the family. “Your job is to take care of the people you love,” he’d said with great seriousness. “Look after your mother and sister, even when you’d rather play with your race cars.”
His father was retired from the army now and working in a civilian job, but Gray still carried the responsibility—the duty—to protect the ones he loved. Though he may have failed on occasion, it wasn’t from lack of trying. His mouth tightened. There was one person he would never fail. No matter what it took, he’d protect her to the very best of his ability.
He’d never dreamed, though, that taking care of Ruthie would mean having to give her up.
* * *
In Naoko’s room, Ruthie greeted Gray’s parents and his sister, Catie, with hugs, then took a seat on the deep windowsill to leave room for the others. Gray sidled around to Ruthie’s side of the bed and stood beside her. It was weird how his calm presence made her feel that all would turn out well.
Naoko’s pulmonologist came in, listened to her lungs and proceeded to fill the family in on her condition.
“It’s not unusual for patients to develop a thrombus after a hip fracture.” The blond-haired doctor’s shirt gapped at the neck, around which a tie had been tightened to take up the slack. He appeared to be just out of medical school, but he sounded very knowledgeable as he explained the risk from the clot that had developed near Naoko’s surgery site. “A thrombus is a fancy word for blood clot. If it travels to the lungs, then it’s called a pulmonary embolism, which is what we’re concerned about right now.”
Gray leaned forward and touched his grandmother’s hand. “I