She’s got hold of my arm and is sweeping me along with her towards the bar before I can object. We don’t stop though. After a brief glimpse over her shoulder to check we’re not under observation, she charges onwards, like a mini rhino on a rampage, and I find myself bundled into the bathroom.
Maybe she has been recruited as a spy, as well as getting married.
She slams the door shut, then spins round.
I’ve never been in such posh loos. Except I’m not getting much opportunity to look round or take photos, as Rachel has me pinned against the dryer, which goes off every time I flinch.
‘Sorry I didn’t warn you before, but …’
‘Warn me? What, about Beth?’
‘No, no. About the situ.’
‘Situ?’ I try to edge away as I’m getting more hot air down my neck than I can cope with. Rachel is so close though, there’s not much room for manoeuvre. It’s either bounce off her boobs or get all hot and bothered.
I duck down and pop up the other side of her.
‘Fuck’s sake, Jane. Will you stand still and listen? We’ve not got long, we’ve got to get back to them, we can’t leave them together.’
‘This was your … What do you mean we can’t leave them together?’ I get an uneasy prickle down my spine and it’s nothing to do with the dryer.
‘It’s awkward, well, I need you to be a bit like …’
‘A bit like …?’
‘Like a, well, a barrier?’
‘A barrier?’ I fold my arms, barrier-like. But she has my interest well and truly piqued. ‘What do you mean a barrier? Between what?’ I frown.
‘Between Sally and Mads,’ hisses Rachel.
‘You’ve invited me out to be a barrier?’ As evenings go, this is not panning out as my best. ‘Is this why you wanted Beth as well, then we’d be a double barrier?’
‘No, no, no. Oh, God.’ She runs her fingers through her blonde bouncy waves. ‘I never thought it would be this complicated, but I wanted all three of you to …’ She sniffs. ‘Please, please say you’ll help me make this work?’
I sigh. ‘What’s happened, Rach?’
‘It’s just that, well, you know Sally and Mads?’ I nod. It’s a strange question seeing as we’ve all just been reacquainted. ‘They’ve not seen each other for like yonks.’
I nod. ‘Same here, bit of a shock actually!’
She ignores me, I think she’s had this speech planned. ‘I mean I’ve seen them separately, but we’ve not all got together.’ I nod. ‘Well, there’s something you need to know.’ There’s a long pause while she waits for the other occupant in the bathroom to wash her hands and leave. ‘Sally got married.’
As bombshells go, that’s a bit of an anti-climax. ‘Good for her.’ So maybe I am totally wrong, maybe she does not run a world dominating company. Maybe she is supreme nappy changer. Flannel ones of course. Expensive monogrammed flannel ones. And a maid to dip them in the bucket. Sal is a shit stirrer, not a washer of shit.
Rachel takes a deep breath, then turns to face me. ‘To Jack.’
My image of Sally in marigolds, dunking nappies in a silver bucket is gone in a millisecond. The world does a hiccup. ‘Jack?’ I can hear the note of suspicion in my voice.
She nods.
‘Jack, Jack?’ I think my lower jaw is dangling. ‘Maddie’s Jack? Are you sure?’
‘Positive. I went to their wedding.’
‘You what?’ I think I might be shouting. ‘But, but, they, we …’
‘Jack and Mads split up like ages ago, when he went to uni, so it’s not like Sal barged in and nicked him or anything, and it was Maddie who did the dumping, but, well, Mads didn’t know they were an item until Sally and Jack moved back into the area after, well, you know … the wedding.’
I cringe. I mean, can you imagine? The love (ex-love) of your life suddenly reappears on the scene. With a wife. Your (soon to be) ex-friend.
Then your old school friend invites you all to a big night out in Brighton.
Whoopee!
I’m not surprised poor Mads looks a bit peaky.
‘Rach, how could you! How could you ask them both here, if you knew …?’
‘I didn’t.’ She gulps. ‘Honest. Well, I knew about Sal and Jack, obviously.’
‘And you didn’t think …’
‘I thought Maddie knew! Sal had told me at the wedding that she was totally cool with it, that it was her who had dumped Jack, and he was the broken-hearted one, and Maddie had moved on!’
‘So?’ I look at her suspiciously.
‘I think Maddie’s still got a bit of thing about him.’ The words tail off. ‘I didn’t realise.’ It comes out a bit plaintively. ‘Honest.’ Pleadingly, if that’s a word. ‘Jack rang me this morning, when he found out from Sal we were all coming here. She went white as a sheet apparently when she saw them in Tesco.’
‘So why the fuck did you ask them both here, at the same time?’
‘Because it was too late, and I love them both, I love all of you, and I need us all together. I need all three of you.’ She’s hanging on to my arm. ‘Please help me. I did tell Maddie that Sally was coming as well, and she said it was fine with her, if I really wanted her to come then she’d come because I’m her friend.’
‘And Sal was fine with it?’ Sal would be, I don’t need to ask.
‘She said it was water under the bridge and we were all adults, and what Jack and Maddie had was just puppy love.’
‘I bet she did.’
We both go back to staring at each other in the mirror. Then my shocked brain (good job it’s not alcohol sodden yet) snaps out of its strange state.
‘Shit. And we’ve left them together?’
‘I need vodka.’ It’s more of a plea than anything as we slide past the bar at full pelt (luckily, the place is quiet), and the rather sexy barman grins as he slams it on the bar. ‘On the tab!’ I don’t even know if we’ve got a tab, but I don’t care. We need to get back.
Rachel is panting down my neck, and I’m a bit breathless myself as she grabs my arm and hisses in my ear.
‘Slow down, slow down, we need to look casual.’
Casual? Ha! I flap my arms away from my body because I’m sure I’ve got sweaty patches forming, and take a deep breath, because I’m wheezing like I’ve just run a marathon.
World war has not broken out. They are sitting slightly woodenly when we saunter up to the table, smiles pasted on our faces; Maddie studying her drink, Sal people watching.
‘Hi! All back, drink!’ I hold it up, to prove the point. ‘Just had to nip to the bathroom’. Did we miss anything?’ There are no visible scars or crumpled up tissues. ‘Everything okay? Ha-ha, why wouldn’t it be? I mean, have you got drinks? Great here isn’t it? Cool! And such a surprise seeing you guys.’ I inwardly cringe. Since when did I call people guys?! ‘Great surprise!’ I’m gabbling and force myself to slow down. Be normal.
Rachel slides out from behind me and sits