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Ambition and performance trap: love and respect for everyone?
// By Simone Janson
The desire to be the best, always and everywhere, arises from a mixture of ambition and fear. It is reinforced by brooding. Caused by parenting mistakes. And ultimately there is a very simple reason: everyone wants to be loved.
Pondering makes problems worse
Science has proved that the longer and more detailed we ponder on a problem, the more difficult it is to find a solution to the problem. For example, because we and the consequences are far worse than they are - we are catastrophic. Panic arises. You get even more scared.
This is already a way to a solution: if you know that it doesn't necessarily lead to a better result, if you try harder, you can leave it alone. You can get this mechanism clear with a simple signal - every time you start pondering, according to “Stop!” say. Or attach a rubber band to your wrist and pull it.
Simply switch off and disassociate!
Or Simply switch off. To make a sport. Relaxation exercises or yoga. So that you can balance your stress hormones.
Realize that things may not be as bad as expected. For example, also linguistically: You tend to exaggerate like “this is all totally terrible”. Because our brains are categorized out of convenience so that new things can be processed more quickly.
The brain outlined. Just ask where exactly the problem now looks. Less black and white thinking. The Problemberg, which one may perhaps see before him, divide. This makes the problem smaller, decatising.
If then…
A last, very important aspect: for these fears there may also be a very banal cause. Everyone wants to be loved and acknowledged. But if you learned very early in your childhood that you are only loved, if you do a lot, then you might have the calculation in mind:
If I do everything really great and perfect, I get recognition, that is, love from the boss and colleagues. Only then will I be worth something Or: If