haven’t seen him in years, I reminded myself. He could be a completely different person by now, with a hundred bad habits you don’t know about.
As I pulled up behind Cora’s car, Cora looked up in surprise. Her face was tight with concern. But a smile lit her face as she recognised me.
I got out of the car and pulled my jacket a little tighter against the chill. Dallin nodded to me but stayed distant while he finished his cigarette.
‘Morning,’ I said.
‘This is a lovely surprise,’ Cora said. ‘Everything okay?’
Now I was closer, I could see the gauntness of her face. She looked like she hadn’t slept. I drew a breath then asked, ‘I wondered if you could use an extra set of eyes today?’
‘Oh, wow, yes, definitely. Are you sure? I don’t think the weather’s going to get much better than it is right now.’
‘I’d like to help.’ It was the truth. I’d sat up for half the night thinking about her story. I still didn’t think we’d find anything, but I wanted to help her look.
‘That’s really kind. Thank you.’
Her smile made warmth rise to my face. I made a pretence of looking at the road we’d come in on. ‘Did you get here okay?’ I asked. ‘I forgot to warn you about the road.’
‘Yeah, that was a bit of an adventure. It was like Wages of Fear finding this place.’ She adjusted her bobble hat, tucking loose strands of blonde hair out of the way. ‘I thought this was a fairly popular spot. For walkers and stuff? Why don’t they maintain the road?’
Dallin laughed. ‘This is completely average for the roads over here. I’ve seen potholes you could lose a Smart car in. Are we ready?’
In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if I was ready. The morning had a weird sense of unreality hanging over it. I tried not to think too hard about what we were doing here or what we hoped to find. If I avoided that, I could pretend this was a normal outing. No big deal.
Except that’s a lie too. When was the last time you went on an outing with anyone?
‘I’ve got the maps here,’ Cora said. She’d spread them out in the boot. ‘We’re going to try to cover sections A12 through A27, then back along B28 through B11 this morning. Once we get back to the road—’
‘What’s that in English?’ Dallin asked.
‘We’re going to start at the top of the map, roughly in the middle where the road cuts through and work our way across, left to right, then back again. English enough for you?’
Cora held out one of the maps so I could see. The hand-drawn squares were marked with letters and numbers. A1 was in the top left; Q39 at the bottom right. I saw at once the route she’d described, running from the road eastward through the curraghs until it came almost to the field boundary, then doubling back on itself.
‘Once we get back to the road,’ Cora said, ‘we’ll assess how much we’ve done and figure out whether we have to pick up the pace or not.’ She looped a dark green scarf around her neck and tucked the ends down the front of her waterproof jacket. ‘Weather forecast is changeable, but we hopefully won’t get rained on until later this afternoon. Be aware it might get warmer. Hope everyone wore layers.’
Dallin rolled his eyes. ‘She wouldn’t let me out of the tent this morning until I proved I was wearing at least three layers,’ he said. ‘She’s like a mother-hen.’
‘I’m sure your mother would kick me in the shins if she thought I was letting you catch a cold out here,’ Cora replied. I saw Dallin wince.
I picked up my own backpack from my car. I’d been worried the others wouldn’t think to bring snacks and water, but now I saw I’d been concerned for nothing. Cora was better prepared than I was. As well as the maps, she had two bottles of water, a large bar of chocolate, a small first aid kid, and a torch shoved into her bag. She adjusted the water bottles so they wouldn’t dig into her back, then swung the bag onto her shoulder.
‘Which way first?’ I asked.
The car park was little more than a slightly wider bend in the road. If more than a few cars arrived at the same time, the road could get completely blocked. On all sides the trees hemmed us in. Off to the left, a faded noticeboard showed a map of the main route through the curraghs, as well as a few diagrams of the local wildlife. Beyond it, the path cut through the trees towards a five-bar gate, which led to the main track.
I’d assumed we would be starting from the main track, but Cora paced off up the road in the direction we’d come.
‘Are you really planning to go cross-country right from the off?’ I asked. I snuck another look at the map before Cora tucked it into a pocket of her backpack. ‘I don’t know if there are any real paths at that end of the curraghs. At least, not any that’ll go right the way through and back again.’
‘We’ll have to go cross-country at some point,’ Cora said. ‘Might as well get used to it.’
I fell into step beside her. I wasn’t sure it was such a great idea to stray off the main trails on the first day. The going would be tough, if not impossible in places. It might be enough to discourage Cora from her search before it’d even begun.
I glanced down. Cora wore decent wellies, with waterproof trousers tucked into them. None of her gear looked new. Either she did a lot of hiking, or she’d borrowed good clothes from someone who knew what they were doing. Either way it was reassuring. She’d done her homework and she’d come prepared.
Out of interest, I glanced back at Dallin. He wore a bright blue waterproof jacket that still had the sheen of newness, but also jeans and scuffed trainers. He’d have to take care where he trod, or he would spend the day with wet feet. I wondered if no one had bothered to tell him to dress appropriately … or if he’d deliberately not listened.
I shrugged off the question. Dallin had grown up playing in the wetlands. If he didn’t know to wear wellies, it wasn’t any of my business.
At least he’s wearing layers. I started to smile, then stopped as I remembered his offhand comment. Dallin had made it sound like him and Cora were sharing a tent. Was that true? I watched them both as we walked, looking for clues as to whether they were something more than friends. I told myself I was just curious.
No one spoke as we marched off towards our starting point. It occurred to me Cora hadn’t asked if I had anything else to do that day – like going to work or seeing friends. Maybe Dallin had already briefed her on my situation.
I glanced again at Dallin. It stung a little, to think of him talking to people about me, telling them my private life. How much had he said? Did Cora know about my mum and dad? Did she know about Beth?
And then I wondered who else he’d spoken to. Perhaps everyone in his life knew about his sister who lived, broken and alone, in her house in the curraghs.
I shoved my hands into my pockets. For the last year, I’d felt safe and forgotten. No one came to visit anymore. The few friends I’d had – Beth’s friends – had phoned and texted and emailed, with less and less frequency as time went on, until at last, no one checked in with me anymore. I’d ignored my social media accounts for so long they’d probably been deactivated.
I still received those letters, of course, in their plain handwritten envelopes. Nothing could stop them arriving.
Possibly it was being out here in the curraghs which had so quickly soured my mood. Me and Beth had walked those pathways so often. It felt weird being there without her. I hadn’t properly taken that into consideration before leaving my house that morning.
Cora was consulting her smartwatch. She slowed, stopped, took two more paces then a shuffling half-step. ‘That’s us,’ she said. ‘Right here.’
We’d all but