trying to help you. We love you so much, Lizzie. We...” Her voice cracks. “We don’t want to lose you.”
I lie down on the bed and pull the pillow over my head. I don’t care what they have to say. There’s no justification for what they’re doing. I wouldn’t be sneaking out if they let me have some freedom. Scarlett’s parents don’t hold her down and she never sneaks out. If she goes to a party, she tells them. If she gets drunk, she can call them and they’ll come pick her up. And the truth is she rarely gets drunk, because they’ll let her have the occasional beer or glass of wine. It’s my parents’ fault I’m this way. They’ve made me into this girl—the one who doesn’t listen, the one who sneaks and lies and breaks promises, loses her virginity to some stranger.
I dig my face into the mattress as hot shame roils through me. I hate them. I hate Rachel. I hate myself most of all.
Because of my actions, the sweet animals at the shelter are going to suffer. Who’s going to take the doggies for a walk? Who’s going to feed Opie his medicine? I’m the only one that can handle the rottie. He hates everyone else at the clinic. And George, the snake? The techs there are scared of the python.
The sound of metal clanking against metal and the whirring of a drill grab my attention. I sit up and search for the source of the construction sounds.
My eyes clash with my dad’s, visible above the door he’s holding. He glares grimly at me before walking away. I gape at the open doorway. He removed my door. He fucking removed my fucking door.
I leap to my feet and rush over to the desk that’s still in the doorway. “What are you doing?” I say helplessly.
Mom appears in the hallway. “Sweetheart, please.”
“Are you serious?” I reach out, still in disbelief that my dad removed the door from the wall, but the empty hinges hang there in mocking proof.
“This is only temporary,” she says.
“It’ll be permanent if she can’t clean up her act,” Dad yells from below.
“Mom. I’m seventeen. I need a door to my bedroom.” I can’t believe my voice is so stable when my insides are rioting. “Even prisoners have a door!”
Her gaze falls to the floor. “It’s only temporary,” she repeats. “Until we can trust you again.”
I stumble back. “I can’t believe this. I can’t fucking believe this.”
“Don’t curse,” she snaps. “You know how much I hate that.”
“Right, because Rachel never cursed.”
“It’s not about Rachel.”
“Of course it is. Everything in my life is about Rachel. You let Rachel do whatever she wanted. She didn’t have to follow a single rule and it backfired on you, so now you’re doing the exact opposite with me,” I spit out. “You’ve kept me on a leash since she died, and now the collar’s so tight it’s going to choke me to death.”
“Don’t say that.” Mom’s eyes glitter dangerously. She advances, stopped only by the desk. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you say that word.”
“Or what?” I challenge. “You’re going to hit me again?”
Her face collapses. “I’m sorry I did that,” she whispers. “I—”
“What’s going on?” Dad has returned. He looks at me and then at Mom.
“Nothing,” we say at the same time.
And then we all fall silent because there’s nothing left on our tongues but caustic, hurtful words and we’ve done enough to inflict pain on each other. I return to my bed, shut my eyes and ignore the grunts from my father as he lifts the desk away from the doorway, the mewling noises of my mother as she frets over how our household is a war zone.
This is my life now. I’m imprisoned in my own home, with no privacy and no escape. Graduation can’t come soon enough.
The bus stinks of nerves and cold sweat. The freshmen are huddled toward the front, but the smell of their fear drifts all the way to the back. Next to me, Sarah Bunting chatters on about her new manicure and the “lit as fuck” Converse sneakers she scored at the Premium Outlets in Rosemont.
I turn my music up even louder and slouch down in the seat. Seventeen, licensed, has her own car, but still rides the bus. How lowering.
I keep my head down as I walk to my locker in the seniors’ wing. I don’t greet anyone and whether it’s the surly look on my face or something else, everyone leaves me alone.
I spin the locker combination, jerk my door open and stuff my backpack inside. My first class is AP Calc. Woo-hoo. At least there won’t be some long lecture—only a bunch of practice problems. I grab my supplies for the next three classes and slam the door shut. Scarlett’s face appears and I try not to jump in surprise.
“Hey,” I mutter.
“I’m so sorry.” She looks genuinely regretful.
First thing I did this morning was IM her with the heads-up that I’d been busted. With my parents having evidence that Scar and I have sneaked out to parties before, I had to warn her in case my parents snitched to hers.
“Forget it.” It’s not her fault, really.
“Everything is just going to shit, huh?” She sighs. “You’re having the worst luck—first your parents and TextGate, and now this.”
I guess she means the grounding. “They took my phone away, too,” I say glumly.
“Oh, okay, so that’s why you haven’t responded to the million messages I’ve sent you.”
“Yup.”
She clucks her tongue sympathetically. “I don’t know, maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have a phone right now. I can’t imagine what people are texting you. Kids can be so dumb.”
My cheeks feel hot. Why would anyone be texting me? Did someone see me at the party? Did they know what happened with me and Chase? Do they know what’s going on in my house? Did my parents actually tell other parents that they took the door off my room? God, this year is going to be nothing but one set of humiliations after another, all courtesy of my parents.
“Whatever.” I force one shoulder up in a careless gesture. “It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. After this year, we probably won’t see half these kids ever again.”
“Gosh, I hope not.” Scarlett tugs on my books. “Let me carry those.”
“Why? I can carry my books.”
“I know you can. I just... Forget it.” She slips her arm through mine. “Let’s go to Calc.”
“Why did we ever decide taking AP Calc was a good move?”
“Something about it looking good on our college apps. Have you decided what visits you’re going to do this fall?”
My mood dives even lower thinking of the applications Mom has stolen. Guess what. I’m going to get new ones and reapply. The problem is I can’t do it online because I need a credit card to pay the fees. I was able to mail a money order. I’m not sure how I’m going to pull off future applications, but I’m going to make it happen. Somehow.
“USC, Florida, Miami, San Diego State.” I rattle off my dream destinations. Granted, I have no clue what I want to major in, but at least I’ve got the location category confidently checked off.
Scarlett grins. “Hmm. I’m sensing a beach theme.”
“You’re so smart, Scar.”
“I