help me. I don’t think I can do this.
Immediately, the suffocating weight disappeared and she was able to breathe again.
There was a light rap on the passenger window of her car. Leah dared to look over and saw Olivia’s smiling face looking in at her. She slid out of the car and tested her knees, wondering if they were going to do their job and hold her upright.
“Your car is a funny color.”
Now Olivia was right beside her, her eyes bright and curious. Her finger traced a crooked path down the hood of the car.
Leah felt hot tears prickle her eyes as her heart struggled to absorb every detail about Olivia Cavanaugh. She was small for her age. Her hair had been expertly braided into matching pigtails. She was missing a front tooth. Her fingernails were coated with pink polish.
“Charlie is a little different.” Leah forced herself to concentrate.
“Charlie?” Olivia’s head tilted to one side, reminding Leah of a little bird.
“That’s its name. And your name must be Olivia.”
“Yup. But our car doesn’t have a name.” Olivia giggled.
As used to the sound of childish giggles as she was, this one went straight to her heart. Leah had expected Olivia to be shy, perhaps even resentful, of the woman taking Mrs. Baker’s place. She hadn’t expected the little girl to be so open and friendly.
When Olivia slipped her hand into Leah’s, Leah caught her breath.
“My daddy told me all about you,” Olivia chattered as they made their way up the sidewalk. She lowered her voice a little. “He said you don’t like the slide.”
“I think that for you I’d be willing to give it a try again,” Leah said, allowing Olivia to tow her into the house.
“We can go down like a train,” Olivia said. “Then you won’t be scared.”
Without warning, they turned a corner and Leah came face-to-face with Ben. He was standing in the kitchen beside the sink, obviously cleaning up from supper. Even dressed in work clothes, with his dark hair brushing the collar of his denim shirt, he looked like he’d just stepped out of a magazine cologne ad.
“Daddy, Miss Paxson said she’d go down the slide with me!”
Leah was glad that Olivia’s presence deflected the attention away from her, because she wasn’t sure she was good at pretending.
“Are you feeling all right, Miss Paxson?” He frowned at her.
Obviously she wasn’t as good at pretending as she’d hoped!
“I’m fine.” She forced her eyes to meet his.
He didn’t look convinced.
Fortunately, Olivia was anxious to show her to her room and Leah was able to escape Ben’s intense, brown-eyed gaze.
“Your room is next to mine,” Olivia told her as they reached the top of the stairs and walked down the narrow hallway. “There’s a door between them, but Nanny B didn’t want me to use it unless it was an emergency.”
“I see.” Leah hid a smile.
“Do you think thunderstorms are emergencies?” Olivia slid an anxious look at her.
“Definitely.”
“What about bad dreams?”
“Those, too.”
Olivia’s eyes reflected her relief. “Really?”
“And I think that cold toes and spelling tests and needing to talk are all emergencies, too.”
“You do?” Olivia squeaked.
Leah resisted the urge to sweep the little girl into her arms. Memories that she’d tucked away for seven years began to surface. The last time she’d held this child in her arms was hours after she’d given birth to her, when a sympathetic young nurse had brought her into Leah’s room to say goodbye. Her baby’s face was etched in her memory, the velvety skin of her cheek and the tuft of golden-brown hair on her head.
Olivia was patting her arm. “Do you like it?”
Leah snapped back to the present and realized Olivia was asking her about the room.
“It’s perfect,” Leah said, studying the small bedroom. There was a single bed positioned against one wall, made up with a pale green comforter and matching shams. At the foot of the bed was a beautiful trunk fitted with brass hinges. She wondered if Ben had made it. The floral curtains on the window were faded, but Leah thought they only added to the room’s overall charm.
“This was Uncle Eli’s room,” Olivia said. “Daddy said the walls used to be brown.” She made a face.
“Is Uncle Eli your father’s brother?” Leah was anxious to piece together a picture of the Cavanaugh family.
“He’s a doctor.” Olivia bounced onto the bed, toppling a pyramid of stuffed animals that had been resting on the pillow. “He married Aunt Rachel. Aunt Rachel has pretty hair. She likes to braid mine.” Olivia gave a long-suffering sigh. “I let her.”
Leah chuckled. “I hope I get a chance to meet them.”
“Aunt Rachel invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner,” Olivia informed her. “Uncle Eli told me I’d have to help make the pies because Aunt Rachel only knows how to order them from the cate…” Olivia stumbled over the unfamiliar word.
“Caterer?” Leah guessed.
“Yup. And Grammy and Papa are coming from Florida to eat turkey with us. Papa always brings me a new shell for my collection.”
Leah tamped down the butterflies that had taken flight in her stomach once again. In the past, the families she worked for had always given her holidays off. She’d never been included in the actual celebrations, and even though she and Ben hadn’t worked out the specifics of her contract yet, she was sure that the Cavanaughs wouldn’t be any different.
Olivia skipped across the room and opened a narrow door centered in the wall. “Do you want to see my room?”
“I’d love to.”
Leah followed her into a little girl’s wonderland. From the ruffled valances that framed the windows to the fluffy comforter on the bed, everything was iced in pink.
Over the past five years, Leah had learned to tell a lot about the children in her life by their bedrooms. With a quick glance around the room, she could see that Olivia loved books, stuffed animals and music.
She could also see that Olivia was well-loved but not overly indulged. There was no computer, expensive stereo or television in her room like there had been in some of the bedrooms of the children she’d cared for. Instead, there was an artist’s easel, a bin overflowing with ink pads and rubber stamps and a microphone attached to a tiny boom box. On a nightstand next to bed, one lone goldfish with a filmy tail resided in a very clean bowl.
Her respect for Ben Cavanaugh rose even more. He was a good father.
Thank You, Lord. The simple words took wing from deep inside her. Ben Cavanaugh was exactly the kind of father she had prayed for for Olivia. The kind of father she hadn’t had. And even though he seemed a bit rigid and controlled, she wondered if that hadn’t come from losing his wife at such a young age.
For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The verse swept into her thoughts and Leah clung to it, just like she had the first time she’d heard it, shortly after she’d given her baby up for adoption. Her future had looked bleak. She was exhausted from carrying the guilt that weighted down her heart. But then she’d discovered that God loved her and had a plan for her. Those were the words that had brought healing to her life.