doing this alone. I had every chance. Everyone and their brother pointed it out to me.”
Ben looked mystified.
Julie shook her head in exasperation with herself. “It’s a long story, I’m afraid.” She gave him a wry smile.
Ben sat down with his cup. “Believe me, it’ll take Joe at least ten minutes to get dressed. But don’t let me pry.”
“Not at all.” Julie glanced through the kitchen door into the dining room and living room beyond, where both kids were sitting on the couch absorbed in yet another devious plan by the spoiled-rotten Angelica to ruin the babies’ fun. “Marisa and I are just getting to know one another. She still doesn’t quite believe that this is for keeps. She was bounced around so much in the past four years.”
“So she thinks maybe this whole day-care thing is just another way to get rid of her?”
“I think maybe she does. I’ve tried to explain that I’d much rather stay with her all the time but that I don’t have any choice, I have to work. I don’t think she’s buying it.”
Ben gazed at her, thoughtful, giving her some of his calm. “I’ll bet it’s pretty important that I pick them up right on time, isn’t it?”
Grateful, Julie smiled in relief. “I didn’t know how to bring that up.” Already he understood a lot about Marisa.
He grinned. He had a dimple immediately to the left of his mouth. Just the one side, giving him a consistently wry smile. “Afraid it would sound a bit rude to remind me to be punctual? I know how hard you work at being a good mom. If you ever have any other concerns like that, don’t worry about being rude, okay?”
“It’s just that there were so many obstacles to the adoption, and I never knew, right up until the day the papers were finalized, whether or not it would go through.” She shook her head in remembered frustration. “So I didn’t know what to tell Marisa.”
“Why was it so difficult? Because you’re single?”
“That, and that I work long hours sometimes. And I’m younger than most adoptive parents. When I applied to adopt her, I became an interested party, so I couldn’t continue as Marisa’s guardian ad litem. I’d been representing her needs in court for four years, and now they had to assign someone new, who had to do her own investigation.” She sighed. “And Marisa’s last foster mother thought the whole idea was nuts.”
“Helpful of her.”
Julie shook her head. “She did have a point, though. I’d gone over to take Marisa out for the day, and her foster mother told me she and her husband couldn’t keep Marisa any longer. She was trying to talk me into fostering Marisa for a few weeks, so she wouldn’t have to go to a temporary care facility while social services found a new foster home for her.” Julie swallowed hard as the memory ate at her. “I was listing all the reasons it was a bad idea. And then I heard something out in the hallway behind us.”
“Marisa?”
Julie nodded. “I walked into the hall, and she was sitting there on the steps. She’d overheard the whole thing. Or, at least, enough to figure out she’d been rejected again, by both of us.”
The whole horrible scene played out in Julie’s mind as she told Ben the story.
JULIE HAD TAKEN a step toward Marisa and put her hand up to the little girl’s tear-soaked cheek. “You heard us talking.”
Marisa had nodded, her dark eyes filling again with tears.
“What did you hear?”
“I got to go somewhere new.” She’d sobbed, a low keening Julie felt in her own chest.
“Oh, sweetie.” Julie had walked around the railing and up the stairs, climbing to where Marisa sat midway down the flight. She sat down next to the little girl and pulled her into her lap, kissing the part in her shiny dark hair.
“I was good though! I was good! I always picked up my room at cleanup time, and I tried not to splash too much.”
“Marisa, it’s nothing you did.”
“Then why do I got to go somewhere new?”
She hugged Marisa a bit tighter. “Marisa, this could turn out great. Going to a new home means maybe some nice couple might foster you, someone who can adopt you someday.” It didn’t feel right, saying that, but how could she tell the poor kid how unlikely that was?
“When?”
“I’m not sure, exactly.” Marisa’s eyes filled with anxiety again, and Julie kicked herself. For Marisa, uncertainty was the worst of all possible scenarios. “But honey, listen, this next part you’re going to like.”
Marisa looked up at her, eyes full of hope, and Julie suddenly realized this next part might not be all Marisa could have hoped for at all.
But she summoned a smile, hoping it would help Marisa see things in a positive light. “Until we find the new foster home, you’re going to come stay with me.”
“Oh.” Marisa looked down again. “For how long?”
“Well, honey, for as long as it takes. Maybe a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months. I’m going to get you your own bed, and we’ll make popcorn every night. And pretty soon, you’ll have a great new place to live.” The words felt so wrong on Julie’s lips, she felt queasy speaking them.
Marisa still wouldn’t look at her, and as Julie watched, a tear slid down the girl’s already wet cheek, and then another. This was more than just anxiety. Julie bent her head down to look into Marisa’s face.
Marisa’s mouth opened, but before she could speak, she sobbed again. “How come nobody wants me?”
Julie pulled Marisa close, hugged her tight. Her heart broke again for the little girl. What could she say to her? That someone did want her? That eventually she’d be adopted? She couldn’t make promises like that.
Marisa sobbed against her chest, and Julie held her as close as she could.
“I want you, honey. I can’t wait for you to come and stay with me.”
If anything, Marisa cried harder. “Then why don’t you want to adopt me?”
Why didn’t anyone want Marisa? Suddenly the whole question took on a new significance. It was no longer just rhetorical. It was personal. Why didn’t Julie want her? And if Julie wanted her, why didn’t she want her permanently?
Why didn’t Julie adopt Marisa?
There were a million reasons why not. She was too young, she was too busy. She was too broke.
But she was the only person in the world who loved Marisa.
She didn’t know anything about child raising.
But she could learn, couldn’t she?
She was a single woman, with no immediate prospects. Every child deserved two parents. Every child deserved a mommy and a daddy.
But Marisa didn’t even have one parent. She didn’t even have a permanent foster parent, just a long string of temporary ones. She didn’t have anyone. How could one parent be worse than none at all?
Julie couldn’t believe she was doing it. She’d never done anything this impulsive in her entire careful life. But she pulled Marisa away so she could look into her face. “I do want to adopt you, Marisa. And I’m going to.”
Somehow, she’d fix it.
She could learn to be a good parent. She’d take some parenting classes. Read some books. She’d be the best mom she could learn how to be. And eventually maybe she could fix the daddy situation, too.
Julie looked up in time to see Marisa’s foster mother watching them through the banister, her mouth in a shocked O of surprise. She felt a thrill