She had to face facts. They had to start walking soon.
When he returned to the stoop, she wasn’t there. He found her inside sitting on the bed. He handed her the ladle from the bucket and she drank. He was trying his best not to stare at her in his T-shirt. Even after being attacked by dogs, she looked better in it than he ever had.
He set the bucket on the floor. “Rachel...”
“I’m tired, Egan, and I just want to rest.”
“You can’t spend the rest of your life avoiding your family.”
“Don’t lecture me.” Anger coated her words for the first time. He was getting a reaction. That was good. He had to keep pushing.
“I’m not your hero. I’m just a man who got caught up in your life, and the sooner I get you back to your family, the sooner I can get back to mine. And please don’t weave a fantasy around me. I’m not a fairy-tale type guy.”
“I know,” she snapped. “You told me. You’re an ex-con. Do you expect me to run away screeching in terror?”
“No, but I expect you to understand that we need to go now.”
She stretched out on the bed. “But I’m so tired and I feel weak. Please let me rest. Then we’ll do what you want.”
Her voice was low and troubling. He reached out to touch her forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”
She pulled the duster around her. “I just need to rest. My nerves are all tied in knots.”
Egan gave up. He couldn’t push her if she didn’t feel well. Glancing outside, he saw the shadows lengthening. It was getting late. Too late for them to start walking. They’d have to spend the night here.
There was an old wooden rocker in the cabin and he pulled it forward and sat in it. “Do you feel sick to your stomach?”
“No.”
“Do you have a headache?”
“No, but you’re giving me one.”
He let that pass. “In a little while I’ll need to put whiskey on the scratches and bites again.”
“Okay.”
She closed her eyes and he thought she was asleep. But then her voice came, soft and inquisitive, “What did you do that you had to go to prison? You’re so gentle I just can’t imagine you doing anything bad.”
“It was a long time ago and I don’t like to talk about it.”
Using her hands as a pillow beneath the side of her face, she got comfy and asked, “How old were you?”
“I was twenty and in college.” He hadn’t meant to answer, but the words slipped out.
“In college, kids drink a lot. Did you do something while you were drunk?”
He hated the memories as bad as anything in his life, but something in him had a need to tell her so she would understand.
“Yes.” That was the only word that came out of his dry mouth, and he hoped she would drop the subject.
“I told you my deep dark secret, so you can talk to me. What we say here stays here.”
“We’re not in Vegas.”
Her lips curved into an enchanting smile. “That would be nice to share with you.”
“Rachel, please stop seeing me as someone you’d like to have a relationship with.”
“Why?”
He had to tell her. It was the only way to stop the fantasy in her head. “I was twenty years old and enjoying college life, like all kids that age. It was the end of the school year and summer beckoned. Celebration parties were going on everywhere. I attended one with my friend and got drunk, way too drunk. He hooked up with someone and I didn’t have a ride home, so these two guys said they would drop me off at my dorm. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed under arrest.”
She sat up, her eyes enormous. “What happened?”
“Seemed the two idiots decided to rob a liquor store. They were high on crack and killed the man inside. I was passed out drunk in the backseat. I didn’t really know these guys and had no idea of their plans.”
“But you didn’t do anything.”
“No, I didn’t. Even after the toxicology report came back and showed I didn’t have any crack in my system, only booze, the judge didn’t buy it. My friends at the party testified that I had just gotten a ride home from them. The judge thought I needed to be taught a lesson about how to choose my friends and how to have more control over what I drink. And to be more responsible. He could have given me probation and community service, but he sentenced me to a year in prison.”
“How awful. Oh, Egan, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” Before he could stop her she slipped off the bed and onto his lap. He tensed. She’d blindsided him with her reaction and he didn’t want to react. He wanted her to...
Her arms went around his neck and she rested her forehead against the side of his. “That must have been terrible for a young man.”
He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her and the fragrance that lingered in her hair. All feminine. All intoxicating. All he wanted at that moment.
Then from the deepest, darkest part of his soul the words came, words he’d never said to anyone, not his brothers, not his mother, not anyone.
“It was hell on earth. When they drove us into the prison and those big gates closed behind the van, I knew I was in the worst possible place. Everything was taken from me. I was stripped of my clothes, my pride, my life. Then they ushered me down long halls with cell after cinder-block cell. I was pushed into one, and as the steel door clanged shut, I was frightened beyond anything I’ve ever felt in my life. There was no way out. I was trapped like an animal, with other animals who had no qualms about inflicting pain. They called me pretty boy. I made a friend, Jericho, and he saved me many times. But daily I lived in fear for my life. I can’t tell you how that changes a man. I—”
“Shh.” She kissed his cheek. “Don’t relive it. You don’t have to. You’re free now.” Her mouth trailed to the corner of his and he turned his head to meet her lips. He groaned at the sweetness of her and deepened the kiss. His arms tightened around her and the earth stood still as, for the first time, he let someone else share the pain of that time. Allowed someone to console him. She tasted of spaghetti and liquor, and it was the best taste he’d ever had. He wanted more and more and more...
His hand trailed beneath the T-shirt to caress the softness of her breast. Somewhere in the rational part of his mind, he knew this was wrong. He had to stop it. Now!
“Rach...”
“How long did you have to stay there?”
He withdrew his hand from her breast. He had to gain control. “My mother hired another attorney and he collected more evidence, damning evidence. The crime had happened in Waco, Texas, and the judge was a visiting one. My lawyer at the time had advised me to let the judge decide my sentence instead of going through a jury trial. My family and I agreed. Being familiar with my family and Horseshoe, the judge should have recused himself. He chose not to. My new lawyer brought this out in an appeal and the original sentence was overturned. I was finally exonerated, the charges were dropped and I was released after three months. But three months scarred me for life.”
“Egan...”
“I’m telling you this so you’ll understand where I’m coming from when I say you and I will never have any kind of relationship. I will get you back to your family, but that’s it.”
She went still in his arms. “I don’t understand. I don’t think any less of you for what happened, and you shouldn’t, either.”
“We’ve