were just trying to protect my sister,” she said, and he knew it wasn’t an answer to his question. He could see that from her eyes. She didn’t grieve her father, and considering the man’s treatment of the child, he supposed he couldn’t blame her. He wished he could have felt nothing when his parents died. He wished he could feel nothing now.
“What will you do?” he asked curiously.
“The same thing we have always done. He brought in some money, but he spent more of it on drink.”
Yes, William understood that. His family had once prospered, under his grandfather’s reign. He remembered a kind, wrinkled face. He remembered shouting behind closed doors with his father. And he remembered a startling change in lifestyle when his grandfather died. Where had the money gone? What had his father done with it? By the time William had inherited, the accounts hovered just above zero. And after the so-called solicitors had run through them, he’d found nothing but debts.
Strange to think they weren’t so different, the lord of the realm and the daughter of the town drunk. Although they hadn’t been so different as children. She’d played the princess at the highest point in the abbey while he had fought through dragons to rescue her.
A legacy of riches. Beware the ghosts and witches.
He could rescue her now, the way he’d imagined on the old turrets of the abbey. A life of penury awaited her, or worse. He could change that, though his motives were the opposite of pure. The violence of this night should have quelled any desire, but instead he felt it raging back, the lust he’d felt for her as an adolescent youth. And now? He wanted her body, yes, but also her courage, her strength. He wanted her softness, too, and comfort and family and all the things he no longer deserved. An honorable man would leave her here, but hadn’t he given that up when he killed a man?
“Come with me.” It should have been a plea, but it came out a command. He wasn’t strong enough to retract it, not when he wanted her acquiescence. This wasn’t a test for her, but him, to find out exactly how low he would sink in his fall from grace. If his body had any say in the matter, he thought grimly, it would be very far indeed.
Beck followed as wails came from the barn. “My lord.”
William stopped beside his horse, staring into the gray hills.
“Back there,” Beck said. “My lord, it was murder.”
His heart squeezed tight. Murder. “He was going to hurt her. You saw it.”
“He was drunk and unarmed but for a piece of glass. You came to the house with a pistol. It will look like revenge. There are limits to what the law will accept, even for a peer.”
William paused, swallowed. “No. There aren’t.”
A part of him wished Beck was right, that someone would punish William for what he had done, that someone would protect this young woman from his misuse. But that part of him was very small and William spoke the truth. That was the problem with being an earl, even a poor one—there was no one to stop him.
The young woman crossed the marshy grass in her thin nightgown—already halfway to translucence in the rain. She faced him with a blankness he recognized in himself. Shock at what had happened. Acceptance of what was to come.
Sweet little Mercy Lyndhurst, and here he was to defile her.
The last time he’d seen her she’d been a waif of a girl. Now she was all woman. And why shouldn’t he take her? He could have her and help her at the same time.
A poor excuse.
He examined her, struggling for detachment. Already the rain was clearing some of the fog from his mind, allowing rays of sanity to peek through. The thought of going home alone to the empty cavern of a house chilled him. He might as well be a stranger in his own lands for all that he knew anyone here.
He was selfish to take her this way, but concern whispered, too.
What would she do here? Jasper may have been a poor excuse for a caretaker, but a young woman with no means could starve in the next cruel winter. She deserved better than him for a rescuer, but he was all she had.
Another excuse. The simple truth was, he couldn’t quite bring himself to leave her here, in a place that reeked of death.
“Did you send the note?” he asked suddenly. He didn’t know where the idea had come from, but he knew the answer even before she nodded.
She’d sent the note, because she knew there was trouble. She’d used code from their childhood, so that he would understand. And that was as good a reason to take her as any—there were very few people he could trust.
Just her, perhaps.
As he knelt, she placed her slim foot in his hands. She weighed almost nothing as he lifted her up. He mounted behind her and they set off. A soft, slim girl in white backed by a bedraggled man. Traced from the pages of a picture book, a lady and her savior. Except the woman was a sacrifice and the man had just killed her father, casting William into the role of the dragon.
They rode through the mist with Beck following behind. William didn’t give a damn about Beck’s disapproval, but the girl’s fear gave him pause. She was beautiful and brave and everything he wasn’t. He wanted her with an intensity that stole his breath. He wanted to join with her, to sink into her softness and never come out.
He swiped the rainwater from his eyes. “Go.”
“My lord?” she asked.
Damn her, didn’t she understand how close he was to breaking?
“Leave!” He turned to Beck, who rode up beside them. “Take her home.”
Lacking the willpower to watch them go, William stalked up the slick hill. The house was as forbidding as he remembered it, but relief warmed him. Thank God she was safe. From him.
He’d always been so damn careful to leave her alone when they were young. Not to even look at her, when she was sixteen and shy and so lovely it hurt to breathe. It had been a relief when he could finally move to London and never see her. Never be tempted. Mercy. She wasn’t his class. He couldn’t touch her, couldn’t be with her. The only thing he could do was ruin her. The temptation had always been there, through the years. And in that dark moment, in the barn, he had given in to it.
But now that would not happen.
He went to his room upstairs, where a fire heated the hearth and water sat on his dresser. No servants appeared, though apparently they still did their duty.
William peeled the wet clothes from his body and kicked them into a pile in the corner. He would burn them once they dried. Despite the fire, the night air pebbled his skin. He used the lukewarm water to bathe all over. Over and over he washed and rinsed, until the water had turned murky. His skin still felt gritty, soiled.
He looked to the bed, draped by a coverlet, so white, so innocent. A red spray of blood. He blinked and the vision changed again, to thin wet cloth draped over slim curves.
Hell.
He flung back the counterpane and climbed beneath the cool sheets. His mind was as blank as the ceiling. Maybe it would be like this for the rest of his life, going through the motions. A mechanical body and an empty mind. Maybe he’d died along with his parents, in every way that mattered.
A solitary thought pierced the veil of regret—the girl. Even now, he wanted to use her in the most abominable way. She would be somewhere far, far away from him by now.
God. So beautiful, so sweet. Sacrificing herself on the altar of her family, when he hadn’t even been able to save his own.
Chapter Three
Mercy Lyndhurst shivered in her nightgown, the threadbare fabric proving little protection against the chilling winds. Cold rain slashed her skin and wet grass