The Feud. Kimberley Chambers

and Ricky?’ she asked.

      Eddie laughed. ‘I told ’em they could have one can of lager and I’m sure the little bastards had about three. I had to help them into bed about an hour ago. I put ’em in Joey’s room.’

      Jessica giggled. It had been their first proper get-together in their new home and she had loved every single minute of it.

      Whether it was due to the amount of sherry she’d drunk, Joyce wasn’t sure, but for the first time in years, she felt amorous. ‘Stanley, wake up,’ she said, poking her husband in the ribs.

      Receiving no response, she moved her hand around a bit. ‘Stanley,’ she said seductively.

      Aware of a hand around his cobblers, Stanley jumped up like a bush kangaroo. ‘What the fuck! What are you doing, woman? Have you gone mad?’

      Jessica just happened to be passing the guest room as her father bolted out in his Y-fronts.

      ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ she asked, noticing his shocked expression.

      Stanley held his hand over his parcel. ‘It’s your mother – she’s having a funny turn.’

      ‘What, is she ill?’ Jessica said, panicking.

      ‘No, not that kind of funny turn,’ Stanley said, embarrassed.

      Realising what had happened, Eddie grabbed Jessica and dragged her into their bedroom. Hysterical, he could barely speak for laughing.

      ‘Your mother’s after a bunk-up.’

      ‘Oh, don’t say that,’ Jessica said, mortified.

      Hearing raised voices, Jessica poked her head around the bedroom door.

      ‘I mean it, Joycie, if you touch me again in that way, I’ll go and sleep downstairs in the armchair,’ she heard her father say.

      Hand over her mouth, Jessica stood in stupefied shock. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said to Eddie.

      Unable to stop laughing, Eddie grabbed her and threw her onto the bed. ‘You are so naive, Jessica Mitchell, and do you know what? I fucking well love you for it.’