what’s changed?’
She thought long and hard about that. ‘I still want them to be happy, but it doesn’t seem fair that I should be the one to tie myself into knots to make that happen. Their happiness is up to them, not me.’
She blinked and a weight lifted from her as she said the words—a load of guilt and pressure she hadn’t even been aware that she carried.
‘Anything else?’
‘I can’t make our friendship go back to the way it was before all this happened. No matter what I do. No matter how much I want it to.’
She pressed a hand to her chest to ease the sudden burning there, drew in a deep breath and blinked hard. When she was sure her voice was steady, she said, ‘Those are the cold, hard facts, I’m afraid, and they need to be faced.’ She couldn’t hide from the truth any longer.
He reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘I’m sorry, Nicola.’
‘Me too.’
They sat like that for a moment. The shade that settled throughout the barn soothed her, as did the whickering of the horses in the nearby stable and the stamping of their feet. It reminded her that she had a ride to look forward to in the morning. A ride she could look forward to for every single day that she remained at Waminda. She might be down, but she wasn’t out.
‘What are you going to do?’ Cade eventually asked.
‘I have to let Diane know—tell her as soon as I can that I can’t be her bridesmaid so she can make other arrangements.’ And she couldn’t do it by email from her laptop. She would have to speak to her friend. If not face to face, then at least ear to ear. ‘Do you mind if I use the satellite phone this evening?’
‘You’re welcome to use it whenever you want.’
‘Thank you.’ She rose. ‘I … um … I really ought to see to Ella and Holly now. But … Cade, thank you. All of this helped and I want you to know that I appreciate it.’
‘You’re welcome.’
She started to walk away and then stopped and turned back. ‘About that kiss …’
He leaned back on his crate and a slow smile hitched up one side of his mouth. ‘I lied. It sure as heck made me feel a whole lot better.’ His body angled towards her in open invitation. Her eyes widened. Her mouth went dry. ‘Any time you want to repeat it, you can bet that I’ll be willing and able.’
She picked up the boxing gloves and hurled them at him. His laughter followed her all the way outside. She found herself grinning as she strode towards the house.
Later that evening, Cade waited for Nicola to emerge from his study. The rest of the family had decided on an early night and the house was quiet and still. Nicola pulled up short when she saw him.
He raked his gaze across her face and his heart clenched. She looked pale and worn out. ‘How did it go?’
He spoke softly, using the same tone he used when handling a spirited horse that had been spooked. Nicola’s shattered confidence, her self-belief, didn’t need another battering, and he’d had no intention of retiring before finding out how her phone call with Diane had gone.
Her face crumpled and he held his arms open. She walked into them and he held her close—felt every breath she took as she fought for composure. He couldn’t believe how right it felt to have her there.
Not that he had any intention of getting used to it—he was being a friend, that was all—but as the scent of strawberry jam drifted around him, all he could remember was the warmth of her lips as they’d touched his this afternoon, and the rush of sweetness that had stolen through him.
Long before he was ready to let her go she stepped back, forcing him to drop his arms. ‘You didn’t have to wait up for me.’
‘Thought you could use a friend.’ He held up two beers. ‘And I thought you could use one of these.’
She eyed the beer hungrily. ‘Bad for the diet,’ she murmured.
‘To hell with the diet.’ He grabbed her hand and hauled her through the nearest set of French windows and outside into the almost cool of the night. Not that it was ever properly cool out here in December.
‘Sit.’ He pointed to the front step and handed her a beer. ‘Drink and enjoy.’
A laugh gurgled out of her. ‘Aye, aye, Captain.’
He planted himself on the step beside her. They cracked their beers open at exactly the same moment, touched them in a silent toast and then drank deeply.
With a sigh, Nicola stretched her legs out and stared up at the night sky, her face pensive. He dragged his gaze from her lips and took another pull on his beer. ‘So it was a bit rough, huh?’
‘She cried. She accused me of wanting to ruin her big day. Once she got over the initial shock she apologised, said she understood, but …’
His beer halted halfway to his mouth. ‘But?’
She glanced at him. ‘It just cemented that our friendship will never be the same again.’
Her sadness tugged at the sore spaces inside him. ‘Maybe not, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still be good friends, that you can’t enjoy each other’s company. It’ll just be different. And I promise it will get easier with time.’
She stared at her beer. ‘I guess you’re right.’
From the light that spilled from the house and the light from the stars, he could see her face clearly. The plump full promise of her lips made things inside him clench up. The question that had been burning through him since she’d landed her punch this afternoon burst free from suddenly dry lips. ‘What about Brad?’
She turned to him. ‘What about him? I didn’t speak to him, if that’s what you mean.’
But had she wanted to? Had she hoped Brad might answer the phone? Did she secretly yearn that more than her friendship with Diane could be salvaged? Did she want Brad back?
Bile rose in his throat. ‘Do you still love him?’
‘I … I still care for him as a friend. He was a big part of my life for two years.’
‘But if he came to you now and said he’d made a mistake and wanted to get back together with you, would you rush back into his arms?’
‘I used to think that’s what I wanted.’
‘But?’
She turned those glorious eyes of hers on him and everything inside him tightened up. She opened her mouth. She closed it again. And then she blinked as if she’d just realised something stupendous. ‘Heavens! It seems the sad fact of the matter is …’ she tilted her beer at him in a kind of salute ‘… is that I miss Diane more than I miss Brad.’
He stared at her.
She stared back.
Then she snorted.
He couldn’t help it. Suddenly his shoulders started to shake, and then they were both flat on their backs on the veranda laughing so hard he thought they’d wake the dead, or at the very least the rest of his family—and he knew exactly what his mother and Dee would make of this—but not even that thought could get his mirth back under control. Every time he thought he had it, she’d snigger, or he would, and they’d be off again.
Somewhere along the way her hand had found its way into his, but he didn’t know if she had initiated the contact or if he had.
He remembered the way her lips had felt on his this afternoon. His lips ached. His groin ached. Damn it, even his skin ached.
Grinning, Nicola pushed up into a sitting position. All of the reserved hardness that she’d stepped off the plane with gone. He remained where he was, his grip around her hand