travel so far, unless it was to get as far away from me as possible?”
Nicola looked thoughtful. “Well, that is strange,” she admitted. “But it could happen. People end up all over the world for all sorts of different reasons. Just look at us—a couple of girls from the States. Who would have thought we’d end up living in the middle of the Caribbean?”
“Yeah, I guess so...” When Kiki pulled her T-shirt up to dab at her eyes, Nicola went to the kitchen to grab her a paper towel. Then she sank down on the sofa beside her again. “What?” Kiki asked when she felt her friend’s eyes on the side of her face.
“Just waiting, that’s all. There’s something else you’re not telling me.”
“My God, you’re a pain in the ass.” Kiki sighed deeply. “Okay. This is kind of crazy, but Dev offered me a job today. His tour assistant just quit and he needs a new one. Would you please stop fucking smiling?” Kiki threw her hands up in annoyance. “I said no, of course. But here’s the crazy part. His tour will take him to Sydney. And I—I really can’t afford to go otherwise. I mean, to spend that kind of money to go and check out a remote possibility? It’s just not going to happen on my bartending tips.”
“So it’s a sign!” Nicola said, clapping her hands together. “Come on—you have to accept!”
“But I can’t! It’s—it’s Dev! We had a...a thing, and that messes everything up. I mean, watching him get swarmed by groupies for weeks on end? No thank you. And besides, I have a life here...” she ended weakly, thinking that did have a life here felt more accurate right now.
“Listen, sweetie. I know it might not be the perfect scenario, but this is a lifetime opportunity. Eventually you have to get back to the real world anyway, and this is your chance to start a new career. Remember—the Kiki I met in LA was a go-getter with big career goals! But more important, this is a chance to find your mother, and you can’t pass that up. No matter what may or may not happen between you and Dev,” she added when she saw the protest forming on Kiki’s face.
Oh, God. Nicola was right, Kiki knew, but just the thought of it—leaving the safety of her island world and her easygoing job, working side by side with Dev, confronting the woman who had abandoned her as a child—was enough to tie her stomach in knots.
“You are a survivor,” Nicola went on, her voice strong with emotion. “And you’ve never been one to take the safe route. Even if I don’t know the details of what happened between you and Jack, I know that by moving here and shaking your life up, you took a huge risk to find happiness. This might scare you more than anything you’ve ever done, but fear won’t stop you. It never has.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Brené Brown.” Kiki smiled weakly as a knock sounded at the door. Knowing it was Alex back from the store, she quickly flicked her tears away and ran a hand over her hair. Nicola rose to greet him, but though the aqua eyes belonging to the man on the landing were identical to Alex’s, this man had a power over Kiki that his brother didn’t have.
Dev.
“Hi there,” he said, transferring the Beats he was wearing on his ears to around his neck. His gaze rested on Kiki, making her belly flop over. “I hope I’m not...?”
“No, it’s fine,” Kiki said. Nicola stepped aside, and Dev walked over the threshold. There was a rock star in her house. Kiki almost laughed aloud as she cast a glance around, comparing her tiny combined kitchen, living and dining area to his sprawling beachside home.
“Listen,” he said. “I just—there was something I didn’t say to you today, and I couldn’t leave without being honest.”
“I think you were pretty damned honest,” Kiki said as she stood. “If I recall.”
Nicola grabbed her handbag from the coffee table. “I’ll just—”
“No,” Dev said quickly. “You’re her best friend, and I’m fine for you to hear this. Just...” He took a breath. “A tour is a really intense experience, and I need the right people to get me through it. I know I’ve just sprung this on you out of nowhere, but I want you to know that the real reason I want you with me is because I trust you. And that’s hard for me to come by.”
Kiki absorbed his words. “But...you don’t know me well enough to trust me.”
“I know, and that’s the crazy thing. I can’t explain it, but I felt it the moment I met you.” He shook his head. “I’m making this weird for you. I don’t want you to accept because you feel obligated to. But if you do, it’s your terms, okay? Business only—if that’s what you want.”
Kiki swallowed hard. There were so many reasons to accept and only one reason not to. But that reason was huge, because it was Dev. It would take every bit of her strength to make it to the end of six weeks with her virtue intact, not to mention her heart. The only way this would work would be for her to develop a resolve of steel.
Dev was looking at her with something close to pleading in his eyes. It’s still a no, she opened her mouth to say, but it didn’t come out. “I, uh...”
“—accept your offer, for double my regular salary,” Nicola coached her with a mischievous grin. “Right, Kiki?”
Kiki nodded slowly as Dev’s mouth turned upward into a grin. Holy shit—was she actually going to do this? “I guess so,” she said hesitantly. “But I’ll have to meet up with you in a week or so. I have to tie things up here, make sure my boss can get someone to cover for me...” She stopped when she saw the sheepish expression on Dev’s face. “What is it?”
He squeezed his eyes shut as if he were in pain, and then he directed them at the floor. “I might have just come from talking to him. And I might have also arranged to cover your portion of the rent while you’re away. Which means you can theoretically fly out with me on Tuesday...” He finally lifted his eyes to Kiki, cringing as if he expected her to hit him.
Which was exactly what she should do. She jumped up furiously. “You have got some nerve. Let’s make one thing perfectly clear, okay? You are not in charge in my life. And if you ever pull something like this again, I’ll be on the first flight back here—no matter where in the world we are.”
“Of course,” Dev agreed. “I’m sorry, I just, um...so this means I’ll see you on Tues—?”
Kiki made an exasperated sound in her throat and marched toward her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Then she leaned against it, trying to process what she’d just committed to. A new job. The possibility of finding her mother. And Dev...oh, God.
Just breathe. You’ll be fine. Just breathe.
Dev repeated the mantra in his head as he stood in the bathroom of the private Learjet 40 en route to London. But the familiar feeling of panic was setting in even earlier than it usually did. He hadn’t even begun rehearsals and he was already a mess. A month ago he’d entertained the idea that he might get through this tour drug-free, but the futility of that thought was now all too obvious. In his whole career, he hadn’t made it through a single performance without some kind of helper.
No point in suffering with relief so close at hand, Dev thought. Reaching into his jeans pocket, he pulled out the bottle of pills. He spilled them onto his hand and counted five. This batch was left over from his last tour, and the label informed him that the tablets had expired a month ago. But they would do until Bix gave him a new supply in a few days. Dev could always count on Bix to take care of the details. Sure, he could have gone to a doctor for the prescription himself, but that was how secrets got out—and this was one he planned on taking to the grave.
He dropped four pills back into the bottle and held one in his hand. Xanax. His little helper for the past three years, ever since he’d built up enough tolerance to Valium to make