too much to see how they ripped you apart emotionally. Physically. Especially after that last attempt.’
He swallowed hard, forcing the words out. ‘I thought you were going to die, Anna. And in the end, that’s why I agreed to leave.’
‘What?’ The shock on her face was unmistakable.
He nodded. ‘I’ve never done anything harder than walk through that door. The only thing that kept my feet moving was the thought that I might be saving your life. With me gone, you’d have no reason to go through any more treatments.’
‘I—I never knew.’
If he’d been hoping she’d leap into his arms after that revelation, he was mistaken. Instead, she looked down at the journal in her hands, smoothing her fingers over the embossed cover. ‘You hurt me, Max, when you came into that bathroom all those years ago and issued an edict that it was over. That I wasn’t to try to get pregnant any more. I felt I had no control over anything, not even my own decisions.’
He knew he’d hurt her. ‘You’re right. We should have discussed it together.’ He stood and walked towards a bank of windows that overlooked a park, stuffing his hands into his front pockets. ‘It’s just that seeing you in such torment... Well, it ripped my heart out.’
‘And it killed me that I couldn’t give you what you wanted.’
‘What I wanted?’ He turned back towards her.
‘A family. You used to talk about how you wanted a big family, just like mine. So you could give our children what your parents hadn’t given to you. And I wanted so desperately for you to have that. Then, when it came down to it—’ her voice cracked ‘—I couldn’t give it to you.’
He sat down next to her on the couch, horrified by her words. Had she really thought that? ‘Anna, you were my family. Yes, I was disappointed that you couldn’t get pregnant. But only because it seemed to be something you wanted so desperately.’
‘I wanted it because of you.’
Could it be? Had he misread the signs all those years ago? Had he been so focused on the fights that had swirled around her efforts at conceiving that he’d missed the real reason she’d been so anguished after each failed attempt?
‘I had no idea.’ He took one of her hands.
‘I asked you to leave because I was hurt and trying to protect myself the only way I knew how. I took the coward’s way out.’
‘You’re not a coward.’ He took the journal from her, his thumb rubbing the edges of the little book. ‘I am. Because I love you too much to watch you go through this again.’
‘You love me?’
He stared at her. ‘You didn’t know?’
‘I thought I did. At one time. But now?’ She swallowed. ‘I’m not sure.’
He set the journal on the coffee table and caught her face in his hands. ‘I’m so sorry, Anna. Hell, I...’ He bowed his head, trying to control the stinging in his eyes. Then he looked back up at her. ‘I screwed everything up back then. And I screwed it up again at the flat yesterday morning.’
‘So you don’t want a divorce?’
He had to tread carefully. He wanted there to be no more misunderstandings. ‘I don’t. But I have to be sure of what you want out of life.’
‘You aren’t the only one who screwed up, Max. I wanted so badly to give you the things you didn’t get as a child: roots and a huge amount of love.’
‘You gave me those when you married me. That, along with your amazing, crazy family.’
‘They all love you, you know. It’s one of the reasons I couldn’t bring myself to tell them about the divorce.’ His eyes weren’t the only ones stinging, evidently, judging from the moisture that appeared in hers. ‘So where do we go from here?’
He thought for a minute.
‘Maybe we should look at counselling. Find out how to handle everything we’ve been through. And after that?’ He picked up her left hand and kissed the empty ring finger. ‘I’d love to put something back on this.’
‘I still have my rings.’ She smiled. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever quite given up on us. It’s why I never asked my solicitor to find you and demand those signed papers back. I think I was hoping that one day you would find your way home. And you did.’
He smiled back, linking his fingers with hers. ‘It would seem we have fate—and Sienna McDonald—to thank for that. Although I would like to think I would have come to my senses if your solicitor ever had hunted me down.’
She leaned her head on his shoulder. ‘I guess I should have sicced him on you sooner, then.’
‘Maybe you should have.’ He dropped a kiss on her temple. ‘I have to tell you that picture of us in your parents’ dining room brought back memories of how happy we were. Of how things could have been had not things got so...’
‘Insane.’ She finished the sentence for him.
‘I don’t mean that in a bad way.’
‘I know. But it was.’ She lifted her head and motioned to the packet. ‘That brings me back to my original question. Do you want me to hold onto these just in case it doesn’t work out?’
‘No.’ Max got up from his seat and went over to a cabinet under his television. Opening the door, he retrieved an envelope that looked identical to hers. He sat back down, but didn’t take the papers out. Instead, he folded the packet in half, trapping the journal in between. ‘May I?’
He held out a hand for her envelope. When she gave it to him, he opened the flap and dropped the other items inside. Then he got up from the sofa. ‘What I really want to do is toss these into the fireplace and watch them burn to ashes, but, since it’s a gas fireplace, I’m afraid I’d set the cottage on fire.’
‘That wouldn’t be good.’
‘No, it wouldn’t. Especially since I’m hoping to move out of it very soon. I might not get my security deposit back.’
‘Y-you’re moving?’ The fear on her face was enough to make him pull her from the sofa and enfold her in his arms.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean I was moving away. I’m just hoping to change locations.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Well, it might seem a little odd to your family and everyone at the hospital if you put your rings on and we continue living in separate homes, don’t you think?’
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed herself against him. ‘Yes. It would. If you’re thinking of coming to live at my place, I have to warn you that it’s not as fancy as our flat in London, and—’
‘It will be perfect, Anna. Just like you.’
With that he led her into the kitchen and stopped in front of the rubbish bin. Pushing the foot pedal, he waited until the top lifted all the way up. ‘It’s not as impressive as sending them up in a puff of smoke, but it’ll be just as permanent. Once this lid falls, I don’t want to mention these papers ever again.’
‘Deal. But let’s both do it.’ She held one side of the envelope, while Max kept hold of the other end. Then they dropped it, along with all the hurts from the past, right where they belonged. Where they could never again poison their relationship.
Max released the pedal and let the lid drop back into place. ‘Maybe in a couple of years we could move back to London. Or talk about adoption.’
‘Adoption? You’d be okay with that?’
‘As long as you are. I know with your sister—’
‘I’m definitely