must have gone to a lot of trouble, arranging it…”
“And you wish I hadn’t.”
“Yes. I wish you hadn’t.”
“I don’t understand.” Tears rose in her eyes, threatened to spill down her cheeks. “I only wanted to make you happy, darling.”
“I know. But—” But what? Could a man really be angry at a woman for caring about him enough to want to give him a surprise party? “But,” he said gently, “I never celebrate my birthday, Adrianna.”
“That’s just plain silly.”
“It’s fact.”
“Oh, pooh.” The tears that had threatened vanished in an instant. She smiled and put her palms flat against his chest. “We’ll change all that.”
“No.” He caught her hands again, this time being careful not to apply any pressure. “No, we won’t.”
“Of course we will. Next year—”
“There isn’t going to be a next year, Adrianna.” He let go of her, ran his fingers through his dark hair. “Look, I’m trying my damnedest not to hurt your feelings, but—”
“My feelings? My feelings? Dammit, Tyler!” Her voice rose and he looked at her in surprise. He’d never heard her speak so stridently before. “Don’t you dare patronize me. You don’t give a rat’s tail about my feelings.” She lifted her hand, poked it, hard, into his chest. “You’re just angry because I got tired of waiting for you to move our relationship on to the next phase.”
Tyler’s green eyes grew cool. “There is no next phase, Adrianna.”
“Of course there is. All this nonsense, not letting me leave some of my things here, not ever spending the whole night at my place…” Her chin rose. “Acting as if letting me know those silly gate and door codes would violate national security.”
His gaze went from cool to frigid. “I told you, right upfront, how things were going to be.”
“No commitment. No forever-after.”
“The no forever-after was your contribution.”
“Maybe so. That was the way I felt, at the time—but I changed my mind.”
“That’s not my fault, baby,” Tyler snapped. “I kept my end of the deal.”
“And you’re known for that, aren’t you? For always keeping your end of the deal. Cool-headed Tyler Kincaid, never undermined by sentiment, in business or in his dealings with women.”
Tyler puffed out a breath in exasperation. “Look, there’s no point to this. I don’t want to quarrel with you—”
“No. You just want to tell me I overstepped my bounds, that I had no right to waltz into your house, into your life.”
“Dammit!” Tyler threaded his hand through his hair again. “Look, if I’d wanted a birthday party, I’d have thrown one for myself.”
Adrianna rolled her eyes. “Good God, what a sin! Arranging a party—”
“Don’t you get it? I didn’t want a party.”
“A party to which I invited a bunch of your friends—”
“They’re not my friends.”
“Of course they are!”
“They’re people I know, that’s all. They only bother with me because of what I can give them.”
“Which is precious little, Tyler.”
Tyler’s mouth thinned. “What in hell is that supposed to mean?”
Adrianna swung away from him and stalked into the bathroom. “That magazine article the other week called you ‘brilliant.’ Figure it out for yourself.”
He strode after her, watched as she stripped off the gown, pulled a T-shirt and jeans from her nightcase and put them on.
“I’ve set up deals for half the men who were here tonight,” he growled, “and the other half wishes I would. You think that’s giving them precious little, huh?”
“Is that what you think people want from you? Deals? Money? Power?”
Tyler stared at his mistress. She was fully dressed now, still wearing those high heels. Now, strangely, they struck him not as sexy but sad.
“Look,” he said, struggling to sound calm, “it’s late. We’re both tired. I think it’s best if I drive you home.”
“I’m perfectly capable of driving myself home, thank you.”
She was, and he knew it. Tyler shrugged his shoulders, folded his arms and leaned against the wall.
“Suit yourself.”
“I intend to.” Adrianna shot him a glittering smile. “It would never have worked, Tyler. I guess I always knew that, in my heart. After a while, whenever I looked at you, I’d see the look in your eyes that says ‘Keep Out,’ and it would have killed me.”
Her words drained the anger from him.
“It isn’t you,” he said softly. “Despite anything I said, it isn’t you.”
“Sometimes…” She drew a deep breath. “Sometimes, I wonder if there’s anybody inside you, Tyler. If you feel things, like the rest of us.”
“Adrianna…”
“The thing is…” she said, with a little laugh. “The thing is, I fell in love with you. And I know you could never fall in love with me.”
He thought of lying to her, of softening the blow, but he knew, too, that the one thing he could give her now was the truth. He reached out, tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear.
“No,” he said gently, “I couldn’t. I wish it were different. I really wish—”
Adrianna put her hand lightly over his mouth. “Don’t lie to either of us, Tyler. That isn’t your wish. We both know that I’m not the woman for you. I’m not the one you’re looking for.”
Tyler gave a mocking laugh. “I’m not looking for a woman. Not now, not ever.”
“Everyone’s looking for someone, whether they know it or not.”
“You’re wrong.”
Adrianna smiled gently, rose on her toes and pressed a light kiss to his mouth.
“Goodbye, darling,” she whispered.
Tyler watched her walk from the room. He sank down on the edge of the bed, listened to the distant click-click of those ridiculous high heels fading, then to the even more distant sound of her car. At last, he stood and walked slowly to the window.
The moon was setting, dipping into the branches of the old oak just outside his bedroom.
There was nobody inside him, Adrianna had said, but she was wrong. Tyler smiled bitterly. The boy named John Smith was still there, whether he liked it or not. There was an emptiness in his heart, a yearning sometimes that he couldn’t put a name to or get rid of by burying himself in his work, or even by pounding his gloved fists against the body bag at his gym.
She was wrong about him looking for a woman, too. How could a man look for a woman when he was still searching for himself?
He stood at the window for hours, watching as night gave way to dawn. At six, exhausted, he fell on his bed and slept. When he opened his eyes, it was after nine.
Tyler reached for the telephone.
“Carol,” he said, when his secretary answered, “you remember that private detective we used last year? The one who found out who was selling our research plans to our competitors?