to amuse Shuli on those days when he had no choice but to take her in with him. It occurred to him that maybe that was what the child had wanted all along: to see Jane. He glanced at the clock, wondering what on earth was taking her so long.
Shuli crawled up onto his lap. ‘Read it now, Daddy.’
‘Please,’ he said, automatically correcting her.
‘Please, Daddy,’ she said. And smiled. She was the very image of her mother. He could almost hear her voice pleading with him. “Please, Mark…let me go…”
The sound of a car pulling up in front of the house released him from the painful memory as, story forgotten, the child slid down and hurtled towards the door. He followed, opening it, and Shuli flung herself at Jane’s knees, hugging them.
‘You wouldn’t consider swapping jobs would you? You’d be the best-paid nanny in the county.’
‘No, thanks. Besides, she doesn’t need a nanny.’ Jane put down the files and her laptop and picked up the child to give her a proper hug. She got a big sticky kiss back. ‘She needs a mother.’ She put the child into his arms and took off her jacket. ‘I’m sorry I was so long. The traffic was a nightmare. I need coffee. Urgently.’
‘Help yourself. You know where everything is.’
She hooked the jacket over the newel post at the foot of the stairs and headed for the kitchen. Putting Shuli down, he followed her. ‘What about you?’ she asked, turning to him as she filled the kettle. ‘Coffee? Or would you prefer tea?’
‘Coffee, thanks.’
Shuli was at her knees again, and she looked down. ‘What about you, sweetheart? Do you want something to drink?’
She giggled. ‘Coffee, thanks,’ she said, imitating her father.
‘And would that be orange juice coffee, or apple juice coffee?’ Shuli giggled as Jane opened her bag and produced a wrapped chocolate biscuit finger. ‘And how about this?’
‘Is she supposed to have stuff like that?’ Mark asked.
Jane glanced up, surprised. ‘You don’t ever buy her chocolate?’
Her rebuke, mild though it was, took him by surprise. ‘Of course not. It’s bad for her teeth.’ He and Caroline had read all the books. Theirs was going to be the perfectly raised child. No junk food. No eating between meals. No sweets…‘Isn’t it?’ he asked, suddenly less certain.
‘I imagine she has a toothbrush?’
‘Yes, yes, of course. I’ll, um, be in the study.’
‘We’ll be right with you.’
Jane placed the tray on the desk out of Shuli’s reach and then settled her at a table with a pile of paper and crayons. ‘Daddy and I are going to be busy for a while. What I’d like you to do for me is draw a picture that I can pin up in my office. Will you do that?’
‘Okay.’
‘Good girl.’ She turned and saw that Mark was watching her with a faintly baffled expression. She poured the coffee and they went quickly through the morning post. ‘I’ve dealt with most of it.’
‘As always. That’s it?’
She took a moment to compose herself. She knew what she had to say. She’d nearly missed her exit on the motor-way rehearsing her lines.
‘Not quite.’ He waited. ‘There’s this.’ Heart hammering, she handed him a broadsheet newspaper folded back at an inside page.
‘Connections?’ he queried, looking up. ‘What is this?’
He couldn’t be that dense. Or then again…‘It’s a dating column. I’ve prepared a draft advertisement for you.’
He took the sheet of paper she offered.
“‘Widower, 34, with small daughter, WLTM warm, caring woman, N/S, GSOH, for LTR.’” He looked up. ‘WLTM?’
‘Would like to meet.’ Seeing his blank expression, she added, ‘Non-smoker with good sense of humour for long-term relationship.’
‘Oh.’
‘On the day you hired me, Mark, you said I was someone who saw what needed to be done and got on with it. That’s what I’m doing now. For Shuli’s sake. I’ve written the ad for you. I’ll even filter the replies if you want me to. All you have to do is tell me to go ahead and place it.’
He glanced at the newspaper again, read some of the ads. ‘This one wants a “lady of class and intelligence for romance and precious moments”.’ He cocked a wry eyebrow in her direction. ‘Does that mean what I think it means?’
‘Undoubtedly,’ she said, absolutely refusing to blush, or to laugh, which was what he hoped she’d do. Laugh and forget it, so that they could move on to the important business of life. Work. She cocked an eyebrow back at him. ‘You can draft your own specifications if you’d prefer. Just don’t forget the LTR.’
‘Jane, please…You can’t be serious.’
‘No? Your daughter has rejected four perfectly competent, kind and caring nannies in as many months. She’s trying to tell you, in the only way she can, that she needs more.’
‘More?’
‘More than you’re giving her. Someone who puts her first. Someone who she knows is going to be there for her every morning when she wakes up, every night to read her a story.’
‘I do what I can, but I have to work…’ He wasn’t laughing now. He couldn’t even quite meet her gaze. ‘People depend on me. My partners, everyone in the office—you, even. If I don’t work, Jane, no one gets paid.’
It was more than that; they both knew it. But if he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, do the job himself, he must offer a surrogate. ‘Then, I repeat, she needs a mother. You are the only person who can provide her with one. I appreciate that finding time to look for yourself is difficult, hence the ad. Or you could use an agency. Lots of people in your situation take this route.’
‘Maybe they do. Maybe you’re right.’ He tossed the advertisement she’d drafted on the desk and then raised one hand in a gesture of helplessness at the silver frame containing a photograph of Shuli’s mother. ‘I appreciate your concern and I’ll give it some thought, but can we move on, please?’ He picked up a file.
‘It’s three years, Mark,’ she said, refusing to let the subject drop. ‘Caroline would expect you to move on. She’d want Shuli to have what all children need.’
He was beginning to look haunted. ‘Where in the world would I find the kind of woman who’d take on someone else’s child?’
‘It’s not that uncommon these days. With the high divorce rate.’
But that wasn’t the problem and they both knew it. The problem was that no one could ever be as wonderful as Caroline…as perfect as Caroline…as beautiful as Caroline.
‘Very well,’ he conceded, finally accepting that she wasn’t going to let the subject drop. ‘The kind of woman who’d be prepared to accept the one-way relationship which is all I could offer?’ That he’d said it out loud, admitted it, was the first step, Jane knew. He glanced at the child, quietly working at her drawing. ‘I know you mean well, but I couldn’t ask it of any woman. Certainly not one with all the great qualities I’d want for Shuli.’
Jane felt his pain, physically hurting for the man. She wanted to reach across the desk, take his dear face in her hands and tell him that everything would be fine if only he’d trust her…
Keeping her voice brisk and businesslike, she said, ‘Don’t underrate yourself, Mark. You can offer a lovely home, a comfortable life, friendship. A lot of women would be happy to settle for that.’
‘Would