in spirit and help him to sort out his head.
After a reluctantly eaten family breakfast cooked by his mum, Tom headed back to his cottage by the sea on the pretext that he needed to change; the truth was he needed some solitude to get a grip on things. His steps slowed as he walked past Number Three; was Ali home he wondered? He couldn’t see her car. Or had she already gone back to her husband. No matter, she was long gone from his life and that was a good thing...wasn’t it? It had to be, nothing more to it.
* * *
ALI WAS DRIVING through the village. She passed by so many people, some somberly dressed in black but others making a statement by wearing bright colors to celebrate Bobby’s life. She liked that, she decided, slowing down to let a group of young men in their fishing gear cross the road.
On a whim she pulled over near the village green and parked her car at the side of the road just down from the church. No matter what anyone thought, she decided, she needed to be here.
At eleven forty-five the gathered crowd began filing into the small stone country church. She got out of her car and joined them, slipping in at the very back, head down and hands trembling. A sob caught in her throat as she thought about Bobby, and then she remembered what Lily said. We’re going to sing him to heaven. Will you come?
“Yes, Lily,” she murmured. “I will come.”
“You all right dear?” asked the elderly woman on her right.
Ali nodded dumbly, guilt washing over her; she had no right to be there.
The woman placed a hand on her arm. “It’s good that you came,” she said, a smile lighting up her worn features. “Accidents happen all too often, especially in fishing, and retrospect is just a waste of time. Life’s too short for if-onlys... I should know that. Anyway, it’s brave of you to show your face.”
“Thanks,” Ali said. “I realize that everyone around here knows I was on the boat when it happened and I thought everyone would be against me...so your support really means a lot. I’m not brave though. I just had to come because I owe it to Bobby...to say goodbye.”
“Well I’m sure he appreciates it... In fact, who knows, perhaps he’s watching us right now.”
“Do you really believe that?” Ali asked.
Her question was drowned out by the ripple of music that announced the family’s arrival and the entire congregation peered around discreetly. Four members of Search and Rescue, including Ned, carried the gleaming oak coffin on their shoulders, and behind them, walking slowly, his gray head bowed, was Jed Roberts; his wife leaned heavily on his arm, her face pale and drawn.
It was Tom, though, who took Ali’s attention. He looked straight ahead, his jaw set and his eyes dark with emotion as he held on tightly to his sister’s arm. True to her word, determined to make it a celebration, Lily wore a beautiful pale blue dress and had flowers in her hair. Holding her slender form as tall as she could she walked determinedly next to Tom, swaying slightly; her delicate features held an ethereal quality, as if she were one of the angels in the stained-glass windows.
When the family group were almost at the front of the church, Lily turned and peered inquisitively around her. Her gaze fell on Ali and she gave her a dazzling smile of welcome.
“Now that little lass has the right idea,” murmured Ali’s companion. “She’s celebrating his life.”
A myriad of emotions flooded the church as the beautiful service unfolded, especially when Tom and Ned stood up together at the front and talked from the heart about Bobby, bringing him back to life with recollections of their childhood, growing up in Jenny Brown’s Bay. Their memories swung from moving moments to floods of hilarity. As the congregation laughed and cried as one, somehow it helped. The hymns and songs the family had chosen were beautiful, ranging from “All Things Bright and Beautiful” to one of Bobby’s favorites, a bawdy fishing song. Ali joined in with the others, singing her heart out, and felt somehow cleansed. Bobby wouldn’t lay blame; that was one thing she was sure of.
When the service drew to a close, a profound silence filled the church, just before the family slowly filed out after the coffin. Tom looked so regal in his dark suit, so strikingly handsome and so very, very sad that Ali longed to just go to him and offer...what? He looked up as he passed her and caught her eye, holding her gaze as if expecting to find something there. Emotion flickered in his dark eyes and her whole body trembled; she couldn’t stay here, in Jenny Brown’s Bay, even if she wanted to, for she’d be a constant reminder to the Robert’s family, a knife in their wound.
When she watched him walk by, tall and straight and so...honest, she felt lost and alone. Being close to Tom was unbearable, for if she was honest with herself she knew that she wanted way more from him than he could give, and she had no right to anything.
Straight to the point as usual Lily had asked her outright why, if she was still married, she wasn’t with the husband.
And she realized Lily was right. So perhaps it was she who was lacking. Maybe she just wasn’t the kind of woman who could ever maintain a real relationship. She should focus on her career now. That’s what she needed to do. Journalism had meant everything to her once, after all.
Then she’d met her dad again and realized just how important family really was and how empty her life had become. Even her marriage had been almost a convenience that fit in around both she and Jake’s careers; perhaps that was why it had gone so wrong. Meeting and getting to know her dad had made her realize what she’d missed, made her see that if only her mum had been less bitter things could have been so different. Now it was time for her to back track and rethink everything.
Walking slowly out of the church without looking back, she cut along the edge of the graveyard and headed toward her car, trying to think of anything other than Bobby and Tom and all the pain she’d caused.
As she opened the driver’s door she sensed someone behind her.
“Ali...” came Lily’s voice. “Don’t go.”
With a heavy sigh she turned to see Tom’s sister standing forlorn in her beautiful dress.
“Your singing was beautiful, Lily,” she said. “You did Bobby proud.”
Lily beamed at her. “Thank you. Please don’t go.”
Ali shook her head slowly. “I have to, Lily. I’m in the way here.”
“But you will come back?”
Ali gave her a hug, holding her close. “I’ll try, Lily, I really will try.”
TOM WASN’T SURE exactly why he felt so empty inside when he saw Lily saying goodbye to Ali. After everything that had happened he should be glad to see the back of her, angry even that she’d dared to stick around.
When Ali held out her arms, hugging Lily close, Tom let out a sigh. She was wrong for him for so many reasons, quite apart from the stark fact that she’d caused his brother’s death. Anyway, there was no place in his life for a relationship right now Bobby drowning at sea had substantiated that fact. A fisherman’s life was way too unreliable and dangerous to expect any woman to share it.
It was good that Ali was leaving. Being around her held way too many complications... So why then did he still feel a sense of loss? There was just something about her he supposed...the way she held her head...the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled, and her intensity. Never had he met a woman so resolute about what she wanted...like the way she’d insisted on joining their ill-fated fishing trip. Her warm brown eyes had flashed with streaks of flame when they’d had their disagreement about that. Oh how he wished now he’d tried harder to stop her.
There again, he decided, maybe things happened for a reason and that was just how it was meant to be... Fate, he supposed it was. Something deep inside him wished