Jim Smith

I am still not a Loser


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      First published in Great Britain 2013

       by Jelly Pie, an imprint of Egmont UK Ltd

       The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN

      Text and illustration copyright © Jim Smith 2013

      The moral rights of the author-illustrator have been asserted.

      ISBN 978 1 4052 6032 9

       eISBN 978 1 7803 1324 5

       www.egmont.co.uk

       barryloser.com

      A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

      Please note: Any website addresses listed in this book are correct at the time of going to print. However, Egmont cannot take responsibility for any third party content or advertising. Please be aware that online content can be subject to change and websites can contain content that is unsuitable for children. We advise that all children are supervised when using the internet.

      Contents

       Cover

       Title page

       Copyright

       Praise for my first book

       Hoverpoos

       Grandpa Hodgepodge

       Jealous little hairs

       Feeko’s Supermarket

       Cola Flavour Not Birds

       The Poo Chair

       Barold Loser

       The walk of loserness

       Mr & Mrs Smugly

       Noseypoos

       Rubbishest Sat ever

       Zeditis

       Playing it oodle

       Benjamin Bottle

       Mogden Museum

       Mogden Man

       Thingy-majigs

       White chocolate Not Bird moon

       Mr Scrapey-foot McLoser

       Three Thumb Barry

       Million Thumbs Barry

       The scary doorbell

       Ooooohs and Arrrgghhs

       Scrapey shoe marks

       The scream test

       Still the scream test

       Plastic leaves

       Self-checkout robot mum

       Thend

       About the comma putter-innerer

      You know when someone’s horrible to you in a dream and you wake up really annoyed with them? That’s what happened to me with my best friend Bunky.

      In the dream I was my favourite TV character, Future Ratboy, and Bunky was his annoying sidekick Not Bird.

      We were in the mayor’s office, which looked exactly like my granny’s house.

      ‘You’re the only ones who can save us from the hoverpoos!’ said the mayor, who was played by my teacher, Mr Hodgepodge.

      Hoverpoos were the invention of Professor Smugly, who in the dream was Gordon