No. I don ’ t want to make things worse. ’
‘ Too upmarket for you, is she? ’
Harry winced. The truth was painful. But that wasn ’ t all of it, not by a long shot. He paused, wondering if he should say more. Hell, if not then, when they were putting their cards on the table, he might never do it.
‘ We saw her, once, before you married. That time we came over to your place. ’
‘ Go on. ’
‘ You was still on duty, so your mum and me went to the beach. She was there, though she didn ’ t see us. ’
‘ And? ’
‘ With a girlfriend. ’ Two lovely women holding hands on an empty stretch of beach. Too far away to recognise them, without the binoculars. Harry often took binoculars to the beach, for seabirds and the like.
‘ So? ’
‘ They were kissing. ’
‘ Girls do. ’
‘ Not like that. ’ Not with tongues, like lovers. Not with their hands on each other ’ s backsides. ‘ She ’ d pushed her knee between the other girl ’ s legs! For God ’ s sake, you was engaged! ’
The boy didn ’ t show any surprise. He just blinked and sipped coffee.
‘ You didn ’ t think to talk it through with me? ’
‘ Every time we saw you after that, you was with her. Never on your own. ’ Jack looked at him, waiting for more. ‘ Maybe one day you ’ ll find out that the hardest part of being a parent is when you see your kid making a mistake, and you can ’ t do nothing about it . Then the edict came about fancy dress for the wedding. ’ Harry swallowed. He never thought he ’ d grovel to his own son. ‘ Maybe I over-reacted. ’
‘ And remind me, thinking about being there, what was your excuse for not coming to my passing-out parade ? ’
‘ I did. Came to watch you get your green beret. So proud, I was. ’ Now the boy was getting picky. Trying to make him squirm.
‘ You came when I passed the Commando Course, yes. You missed my commissioning parade. ’
‘ Something came up at work. ’
‘ Bullshit. ’
Harry wasn ’ t going to respond to that. One more smart-arse swipe and he ’ d walk out.
‘ Was that because you decided I was making another mistake? ’
Harry flinched again at the bitterness in Jack ’ s voice. Jack kept going, driving his point deep.
‘ You ’ ve no idea what that meant to me. Commissioned from the ranks. Chosen to lead the best troops in the world. ’
‘ You weren ’ t meant to be an officer. All that lah -di-dah poncing around. It ’ s not us. I didn ’ t want you to be hurt. ’
‘ And Harry Ahlquist always knows best. ’
‘ Like I said, something came up. ’ Harry stopped when he saw the look in Jack ’ s eyes. There was such hurt and anger there. They glared at each other, cradling coffee, with the sun warm on Harry ’ s head. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm, and nodded down towards Jack ’ s leg.
‘ Are you going to tell me what happened? ’
‘ IED. Underneath a truck. ’
That figured. More casualties in the Middle East were caused by improvised explosive devices than by bullets.
‘ Since when did we have troops on the ground again? ’
‘ There are a few small teams still working with local forces. Trainers, mostly. Some Special Forces. I had to go and see one of the local elders, and made a bad call. They were waiting for us. ’
‘ Anyone else hurt? ’
‘ Two of my men died. ’ Jack was holding himself together, Harry could tell. His voice was tight with emotion.
‘ Do you want to talk about it? ’ Harry tried to sound as understanding as he could.
‘ No! ’ Then, more quietly, ‘ not particularly. ’
The kitchen window behind him reflected a shiny, picture-postcard view of pine trees and blue water, making it hard to see inside, but the fanlight was open and Harry heard a slight sound from within. She was listening. Bitch.
‘ I brought the figurehead back. ’ Harry nodded at the rug roll lying on the table.
‘ It should have been in the coffin. You said you ’ d put it in the coffin. ’
‘ It don ’ t feel right. It feels, well, nasty. ’ Harry couldn ’ t explain. It was the wife who had put her foot down. Went all churchy on him and said they couldn ’ t have a pagan idol in a Christian ceremony. She wouldn ’ t even have it in the house. It was unlike her to come on so strong. Anyway, Old Eddie wouldn ’ t know.
‘ But we could do better. ’ Harry squeezed jollity into his voice. ‘ Why don ’ t we scatter his ashes at sea? From Draca ? ’
A pause. ‘ OK. I think he ’ d like that. ’
‘ You and me? Together? ’
It was the first time Harry had seen the boy smile in a long time. It wasn ’ t a warm smile, not the great beaming grin he had as a kid, but it was a beginning.
‘ I brought the ashes with me as well. They ’ re in the car. ’ Now it was Harry ’ s turn to talk too fast. He almost tripped over the bench as he went to fetch them.
Jack looked shocked when Harry put the container on the table. Stared at it like it might bite. It was a cardboard cube inside a smart carrier bag with a string handle, more like something from an upmarket store than someone ’ s remains, and it was heavy enough to land on the table with a bit of a thump. Jack swallowed before he spoke.
‘ Draca needs a lot of work. It ’ ll be a few months before we can take Grandpa to sea. ’
‘ Old Eddie ain ’ t going anywhere. ’
‘ I thought I might do her up myself. I ’ ve no job to go back to. ’
‘ How will you fund that? ’ Jack wouldn ’ t be able to use Eddie ’ s money until they were granted probate on the will . Harry knew. He ’ d checked.
‘ The bank said they ’ ll lend me money, based on the will and the probate valuations from the solicitor. ’
‘ I still think Eddie was wrong to give you everything. Tilly ’ s awful cut up about it. ’ Maybe he shouldn ’ t have said that, but he ’ d dropped his guard after Jack smiled.
‘ It ’ s what Grandpa wanted. ’ Now Jack was tense again.
‘ He wasn ’ t himself, at the end. You didn ’ t, er , say anything to him? To persuade him? ’
‘ No. ’ Harry wasn ’ t sure whether that tightening of Jack ’ s hands around his coffee mug showed he was angry or defensive.
‘ Tell you what. ’ Harry had been thinking about this. ‘ You share it with Tilly and we ’ ll say no more about it. Nothing for me. Just you and Tilly. Can ’ t say fairer than that. ’
Jack put his mug down and poured coffee into it as if it was a job that took all his concentration.
‘ Restoring Draca will take money. Quite a lot of money. ’
‘ Yeah, but … ’
‘ And I need somewhere to sleep near the boatyard. I can ’ t commute from our flat. Not every day. ’
‘