The Four Rs of Parenting
Carmen E. Bynoe Bovell, PhD
Copyright © 2020 Carmen E. Bynoe Bovell, PhD
All rights reserved
First Edition
NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING
320 Broad Street
Red Bank, NJ 07701
First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2020
ISBN 978-1-64531-921-4 (Paperback)
ISBN 978-1-64801-543-4 (Hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-64531-922-1 (Digital)
Printed in the United States of America
Table of Contents
How Parents View the Role of Parenting
Parents Share Their Views on the Value Respect
Parents Share Their Views on the Value Responsibility
Parents Share Their Views on the Value Reciprocity
Parents Share Their Views on the Value Restraint
Parents Give Parenting Advice to Twenty-First-Century Parents
Young Adults Discuss Being Future Parents
Young Adults Discuss the Four Rs
Young Adults Discuss How Children and Youth Can Demonstrate the Four Rs
Young Adults Comment on Personal Responsibility
Elders Express Their Thoughts About Parenting
Elders Provide Advice on Raising Children Based on the Four Rs
Elders Express Concerns Regarding the Four Rs
Elders Provide Parenting Advice
Elders Offer Advice on Supporting Parents
Elders Share Their Views on the Role of the Church in Supporting Parents
To my mother, Ismay Elizabeth Bynoe, and my grandmother, Anne Mahala Ouseley—the two women who raised me—and to all parents who have the extraordinary responsibility of raising the world’s children to be productive citizens.
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
—Proverbs 22:6, Holy Bible
Foreword
Dr. Carmen Bovell is an expert in her field. She has spent more than fifty years in the field of early childhood engaging with, advocating for, and fostering relationships with young children and their families. Most of her years engaging in this work were with Head Start, a locally operated but federally funded program for young children and their families. Therefore, Dr. Bovell is an expert who is steeped in parenting information, parenting advice, and parenting advocacy and is by far the best person to write such a compelling account of what “real parents”—current, past (grandparents), and future parents—have to say about the subject.
Dr. Bovell has held positions both inside and outside of the classroom; therefore, this book and the research she conducted to birth this book required her to return to the basics…back to where it all started—with parents. As we all know, being a parent is the most challenging job that there is. It has been said repeatedly, “Parenting is the hardest job I have ever had!” Parenting is a mystery! Dr. Bovell’s book has taken the mystery out of parenting! In fact, she offers us an assist to help future parents and early childhood professionals serving young children and their parents. In this book, Dr. Bovell coins the term “intentional parenting.”
As an early childhood professional, I am familiar with the term “intentional teaching” coined by Dr. Ann Epstein (2014). According to Epstein, intentional teaching is planful, thoughtful, and purposeful (p. 1). Fundamentally, it means that teachers act with specific outcomes or goals in mind for all children for all developmental domains. In comparison, intentional parenting suggests that parents act with intention. Parents should be thoughtful, purposeful, and strategic as they parent their children with respect, responsibility, reciprocity, and restraint in their interactions with their children. In her book, Dr. Bovell declares that we need to “go back to basics and give priority to how we raise our children.” She further states that “paying attention to parenting practices in our society is not the only solution, but it is a critically important aspect of the problems we face in our society today.
When I read through the chapters of this book, I knew that it was timely and very special. I predict that this book will help a lot of parents. I am happy to be a part of it. When I read the interviews from current parents, grandparents, and future parents, I hear authentic values and beliefs from them. I am excited about getting this book in the hands of a new generation of parents. As a parent and a grandparent, I find the book helpful as I coparent my grandchildren with their parents. This book is about parenting with a purpose! Parenting with the values of respect, responsibility, reciprocity, and restraint is a winning strategy.
Dr. Bovell does a wonderful job of laying out the Four Rs of Parenting and their impact on parenting. Parenting is more challenging today than ever before, but Dr. Bovell addresses how the Four Rs of Parenting can help by going back to basics, as she says so eloquently.
I think this book is critically important, bringing much-needed attention to the mystery of parenting. I hope that parents will read the words of the different parents in these pages and have a powerful standard for parenting for the rest of their lives. This book will help parents as they deal with how to raise their children. In the end, what’s most important in life isn’t going to be how much money you make, how many material things you own, or how many sexual conquests you have. It’s going to be the way you raise your children. They are a reflection on you.
Dr. Marsha Carter McLean
Early Childhood Consultant, Trainer, Mentor, Coach
Building Blocks Learning
http://www.building-blocks-learning.com
Foreword
Dr. Carmen Bovell’s book, The Four Rs of Parenting: Conversations with Parents, Young Adults, and Elders, is a timely addition to the literature of child-rearing which, as we know, comes with no instructions. Oftentimes, parents bring up their offspring the way they were raised. However, in some cases, parents are determined to depart from tradition, especially if their experiences were traumatic. Regardless of this, experiences deep in their subconscious sometimes surface when they least expect it, causing them