March 11. My health is much the same. I am pretty well, but have no mental energy.—I have read during the last weeks once more, with as much or more interest than ever, I. and II. of Samuel, and I. and II. of Kings.-I have now, after repeated prayer, come to the conclusion, (if brother Craik, to whom I have written, sees no objection, and if my physician thinks it would be beneficial to my health,) to accompany brother—to Germany, that thus; 1, I might aid him by my advice in reference to the object of his journey; 2, that thus, if the Lord will, through the journey and the benefit of my native air, my health might be benefited; and 3, that I might once more have an opportunity of setting the truth before my father and brother.
March 12. I feel quite comfortable in the prospect of going to Germany. I trust it will prove to be as much of God, as it was shown to have been the last time.
March 13. I had a letter today from brother Craik, who thinks it desirable that I should go to Germany, but my physician says that I should not go for a month or two, for that my mind ought not to be burdened. I am in peace, and from this I see that the Lord has made me willing to do His and not my own will. I wrote to brotherthe result of today, and have now left it with him, whether he will wait, or go on the 21st, as he purposes.
March 1420. During these days, as before, I have continued to read the Scriptures with prayer, i. e. turning what I read into prayer, chiefly with a reference to myself. My days generally pass away in peace. It is a trial to me, to have to care so much about my body; but, on the whole, the Lord gives me grace to submit patiently, yet not always. Today I saw again my medical adviser, who wishes me to stay another week.
March 23, Today I received a letter from brother ——. He is not gone, and will wait for me. I have increased assurance that I shall go to Berlin, and have comfort in the thought.
March 24. A few days ago I had particular comfort in meditating on the Lords prayer in Luke (which came in the course of my meditation), after having been tempted to pass it over, as it had been the subject of my meditation a short time before.—Within the last fortnight I have read with meditation and prayer from the 4th to the 12th chapter of the Gospel by Luke.
April 2. For some time I have been getting weary of my stay here. Yesterday I pleaded especially that word Psalm ciii. 13: "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him." I begged God to pity me, and to release me from the necessity of staying any longer at Leamington, if it might be. Today I saw my physician, and he has allowed me to leave. Thus the Lord has granted my request.
April 3. My dear Mary left for Bristol, and I for London, on my way to Germany. I was led to read, this morning, Psalm cxxi. with my dear wife before we separated, which we both felt to be very appropriate to our circumstances.
April 6. This evening I went on board the steamer for Hamburg.
April 7. All the day ill from sea sickness.
April 8. Lords day. I was able to get up this morning, and to take my meals.—Last night I was led to praise God for having made me His child, considering that I was most likely the only one on board that knew Him. This morning, however, I found a sister in the Lord among the passengers, with whom I had much conversation.—At dinner she manifested more grace, in testifying against evil, than I did. At tea time I had grace, in some measure, to speak of Jesus before the company, and to confess Him as my Lord.
April 9. We arrived at Hamburg about one in the morning, having had a most favourable passage of about 48 hours, and at seven I went on shore. It had been repeatedly my prayer, that I might soon find out brother ——, who had gone three days before me to Hamburg; and immediately after my arrival, in answer to prayer, without any difficulty, I found out where he lodged.
April 14. Berlin. We arrived here the evening before last. Having been yesterday and this morning seeking for lodgings, without being able to obtain any that were suitable, I at last became irritated. Surely there was lack of earnest prayer on my part in this matter, and want of patience in waiting the Lords own time, and want of openness, in not telling brother —— that I was tired, and that, on account of my weakness, I was unable thus to go about from place to place. At last the Lord directed us to two suitable rooms, and I feel now again comfortable, in my quiet retirement, after having confessed my sin of irritability to the Lord and to brother ——.
April 1521. We met several times during this week with certain brethren who desire to give themselves to Missionary service, and prayed and read the Scriptures with them, and made such remarks as seemed to be important in connexion with the work. In addition to this we saw the brethren privately at our lodgings, two, three, or four at a time. But I have still felt the great weakness of my mental powers, and have been only able to attend to this work about three hours a day.—Since my arrival here I have had two letters from my dear Mary. Harriet Culliford, one of the Orphans, and formerly one of the most unpromising children, has been removed. She died as a true believer, several of the brethren who saw her being quite satisfied about her state. Surely this pays for much trouble and for much expense! My wife also mentions some fresh instances of the Lords blessing resting upon my Narrative.—I am now, after prayer, this day, April 21, quite sure that I should leave Berlin, and go to my father at once, as the work here is too much for my head.
April 22nd. Confirmation-day of the children in Berlin. The son of the person with whom we lodge was confirmed, and in the evening they had the violin and dancing. How awful!-A few days since I heard that a brother in the Lord, an old friend of mine, and one of the two alluded to in the first part of this Narrative, page 15, was in prison on account of his religious views. This brought afresh before me the privileges which the children of God enjoy in England.—I saw a few days since another brother in prison, who, as an unconverted young man, in the university, was once at a political club, and had his name enrolled, in consequence of this, in the list of the political students. Shortly afterwards he was converted, and gave up all connexion with these political students. He finished his university course and afterwards became a tutor to the sons of a baron. In that family he had been for a considerable time, when one night he was fetched by the police out of his bed and taken to prison, on the ground of this his connexion with the political club three or four years before. [The result was that he was for many months in prison. Now he is a Missionary in the East Indies. I have related this circumstance to remind the reader afresh, that though the Lord freely and fully forgives us all our sins at once when we believe, yet He may allow us to suffer the consequences of them in a greater or less degree.]
April 24. Left Berlin last evening for Magdeburg, Had a long conversation with two deists in the mail. God helped me to make a full confession of His dear Son, in answer to prayer for grace to be enabled to do so. This afternoon I arrived at Heimersleben, the small town where my father lives. Once more then I have met with my dear aged parent, who is evidently fast hastening to the grave, and seems to me not likely to live through the next winter. I arrived just at the time when, the Fair was held in the town. How great, how exceedingly great, the difference in me, as to my feelings respecting such things now, from what they were formerly!
April 2528. Stay at Heimersleben. The Lord has given me both an opportunity and grace to speak more fully, more simply, and more to the heart of my father about the things of God, and in particular about the plan of salvation, than I had ever done before. I trust that, in judgment at least, he is convinced that there is something lacking in him. All the time of my stay here he has been most affectionate. I spoke also fully again to my poor brother, who is now completely living in open sin. Oh to grace what a debtor am I!-Brother Knabe, who was the only believer in Heimersleben, as far as I have been able to learn, died about eighteen months since.
April 28. Today I left for Magdeburg. My father accompanied me about eight miles. Both of us, I think, felt, when about to separate, that we were parting from each other, never again to meet on earth. How would it have cheered the separation on both sides, were my dear father a believer! But it made my heart indeed sad to see him, in all human probability, for the last time, without having Scriptural ground for hope respecting his soul.—I arrived in the afternoon at Magdeburg, and went to a brother, a musician in one of the regiments of that fortress, who is on the point of leaving the army to go to the East Indies as a Missionary. In his lodgings I saw another brother,