between his fingers. She regretted that Hercules was dead. She lived in some undefined expectation of a voluptuous and supreme ideal.
The Duchess knew Latin. Then (another fine thing) she was secretly a Catholic. With all that she was a prude. The advantage of prudes is that they disorganize the human race. They deprive it of the honour of their adherence. Beyond all, keep the human species at a distance. This is a point of the greatest importance.
She must eventually marry Lord David, since such was the royal pleasure. It was a necessity, doubtless; but what a pity! They eluded each other.
Lord David was forty. He did not perceive this, and in truth he looked no more than thirty. He considered it more amusing to desire Josiana than to possess her. He possessed others. He had mistresses. On the other hand, Josiana had dreams.
BARKILPHEDRO
It is useful to know what people do, and a certain surveillance is wise. Josiana had Lord David watched by a man, whose name was Barkilphedro. She was sure of him.
Lord David had Josiana discreetly observed by a man, of whom he was sure, and whose name was Barkilphedro as well.
Queen Anne, on her part, kept herself secretly informed of the actions and conduct of the Duchess Josiana, her bastard sister, and of Lord David, her future brother-in-law, by a man, on whom she counted fully, and whose name was Barkilphedro.
A man between two women. What modulations possible! What amalgamation of souls! Barkilphedro was an old servant of the Duke of York. He had tried to be a churchman but had failed. Josiana liked this man of poverty and wit, an interesting combination. She presented him to Lord Dirry-Moir, gave him a shelter in the servants’ hall among her domestics, retained him in her household, was kind to him, and sometimes even spoke to him.
One day Barkilphedro said to Josiana, -
“Would your Grace like to make my fortune?”
“What do you want?”
“An appointment[26].”
“An appointment? for you!”
“Yes, madam.”
“What an idea! You, who are good for nothing.”
“That’s just the reason.”
Josiana burst out laughing.
“Which appointment do you desire?”
“That of cork drawer of the bottles[27] of the ocean.”
“What do you mean thou? You are fooling.”
“No, madam.”
“To amuse myself, I shall answer you seriously,” said the duchess. “What do you wish to be? Repeat it.”
“Uncorker of the bottles of the ocean.”
“Everything is possible at court. Is there an appointment of that kind?”
“Yes, madam.”
“This is news to me. Go on.”
“There is such an appointment at the Admiralty.”
“Then you wish…? Begin again.”
“To uncork the bottles of the ocean.”
“It is like grooming a bronze horse.”
“Very nearly.”
“Nothing to do. Well you are good for that much.”
“You see I am good for something.”
“Come! you are talking nonsense. Is there such an appointment?”
“Your Grace the sea is boundless: there is always something floating. This appointment is vacant now. The appointment exists. There is for the office a room and lodgings at the Admiralty.”
“And how is one paid?”
“One hundred guineas a year. It is enough to live upon.”
“Like a beggar. It’s a bagatelle.”
“What keeps you for a minute, keeps us for a year. That’s the advantage of the poor.”
“You will have the place.”
A week afterwards, Barkilphedro was installed at the Admiralty.
There is one thing: people are ungrateful. Having received so many benefits from Josiana, Barkilphedro had naturally but one thought – to revenge himself on her. When we add that Josiana was beautiful, great, young, rich, powerful, illustrious, while Barkilphedro was ugly, little, old, poor, dependent, obscure, he must necessarily revenge himself for all this as well.
Barkilphedro was an Irishman who had denied Ireland. This man was full of malice.
What was Barkilphedro’s age? It is difficult to say. The age necessary for his project of the moment. He was old in his wrinkles and gray hairs, young in the activity of his mind. He was active and ponderous; a sort of hippopotamus-monkey. A royalist, certainly; a republican – who knows? A Catholic, perhaps; a Protestant, without doubt. To be For is a power only on the condition of being at the same time Against. Barkilphedro practised this wisdom.
What was Barkilphedro? That meanest and most terrible of men – an envious man. Envy is good stuff to make a spy.
Barkilphedro had other qualities. He was discreet, secret, concrete. He was liked by those whom he amused, and hated by all others. He felt that he was disdained by those who hated him, and despised by those who liked him. He restrained himself. He was indignant. To swallow everything was his talent.
He was kind, prompt, easy, amiable, obliging. Never mind to whom, never mind where, he bowed. Barkilphedro’s body was obese and his face lean. A fat bust and a bony countenance. His nose, long, sharp, and flabby, nearly met his mouth. Patience, temperance, continence, reserve, self-control, amenity, deference, gentleness, politeness, sobriety, chastity, completed and finished Barkilphedro. In a short time Barkilphedro took a foothold at court[28].
Besides the queen, Barkilphedro secretly worked, influenced, and plotted upon Lady Josiana and Lord David. Barkilphedro became a necessity. Many great people honoured him with their confidence.
Josiana reposed such confidence in him that she had entrusted him with one of the keys of her apartments, by means of which he was able to enter them at any hour. This was in fashion in the seventeenth century. It was called “giving the key.” Josiana had given two of these confidential keys – Lord David had one, Barkilphedro the other.
BARKILPHEDRO IN AMBUSCADE
To find the vulnerable spot in Josiana, and to strike her there, was the imperturbable determination of Barkilphedro. But how? That was the question.
With Barkilphedro the ground was Queen Anne. Barkilphedro approached the queen, and so close that sometimes he fancied he heard the monologues of her Majesty. How did the queen feel towards the Duchess Josiana? Did she wish her good or evil?
Here was the problem. Barkilphedro set himself to solve it. Divers chances served Barkilphedro.
Anne was, on her husband’s side, slightly related to the new Queen of Prussia. One day, in the presence of Barkilphedro, Anne asked the ambassador some question about this Drika.
“They say she is rich?”
“Very rich.”
“She has palaces?”
“More magnificent than those of her sister, the queen.”
“Whom will she marry?”
“A great lord, the Count Gormo.”
“Pretty?”
“Charming.”
“Is she young?”
“Very young.”
“As beautiful as