(Source: K. S. Kendler, J. Kuhn, and C. A. Prescott, “The Interrelationship of Neuroticism, Sex, and Stressful Life Events in the Prediction of Episodes of Major Depression,” American Journal of Psychiatry 161, no. 4 (2004): 631–636.)
PERSISTENCE: THE DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD
In The Theory of Moral Sentiments, economist Adam Smith writes, “The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from overrating the difference between one permanent situation and another.”
Adam Smith is asking us to take another look at our own situations and probably saying, maybe it's not that bad. Maybe we are overrating it. Maybe this hopelessness, maybe this terrible situation should be perceived differently. He reminds us that a founder has to disturb the peace of society to achieve their outcomes. ”The person under the influence of any extravagant passions, is not only miserable in his actual situation, but is often disposed to disturb the peace of society, in order to arrive at that which he so foolishly admires.”
And he adds that “none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardor which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds …” In the quest of innovation and pursuit of extravagant passions, entrepreneurs can make themselves and others miserable. The mantra of persistence is often chanted at the expense of immense sacrifices. Persistence – a noble virtue – can even become a source of misery.
Persistence was my superpower. But now I've come to understand that persistence is a double-edged sword, and my decision not to take a break, to not take more off my plate, hurt me, my family, and the company. That was the biggest mistake of my career.
– Ryan Caldbeck, CEO, CircleUp 2
FOUR TYPES OF STRESSORS
In a survey on emotional resilience conducted by Jonny Miller and Jan Chipchase, the authors found that four types of stressors play out in a founder's life (see Figure 3.1): those driven by external and very precise events (losing a client, shortage of cash), and others driven by internal and ambient triggers (such as imposter syndrome).
Figure 3-1 Four types of stressors.
Source: Modified from Miller and chipchase 2020
Source: Twitter, Inc.
Although it may not always be easy to identify the source of our misery, such a framework can be a good starting point.
The external ambient stressors, such as noise, lighting, or air quality may be addressed somewhat easily, but ones that rise on the inside – the internal ambient ones – might be much harder to tackle.
In other situations, our feelings give us a glimpse of our deeper challenges. A feeling of prolonged sadness might be interpreted differently. It could be a symptom of current external circumstances, circumstances in which you have abandoned your own well-being, productivity, or self-worth. Or you may find yourself unable to navigate the demanding routine of work. See Table 3.2.
HOW IS THIS THOUGHT HELPING ME?
External stressors will shake us up, for sure. Even going to a social event for founders can create inane conversational pressures. They will not even let you drink your soju in peace.
Table 3-2 Internal Feelings versus External Stressors
| Internal Feelings | External Stressors |
|---|---|
| Sadness – prolonged and heavy | My current circumstances are imposing a cost on me. My desire to seek fitness and well-being is compromised. |
| Loss of interest in all activities | I do not see the value in doing this activity. I am unable to invest time and effort in anything. |
| Weight loss / gain, substance abuse | I am unable or unwilling to invest in my own self. |
| Loss of sleep | My daytime productivity is being traded-off as my cognition seeks a way out of the current crisis. |
| Anger, frustrations | I am unable or unskilled to navigate my way out of the current crisis. My beliefs, thoughts, or skills are inhibiting me from reaching my goals. |
| Worthlessness, guilt | My contributions are not valued. I am not delivering on my social contracts. Imposter syndrome. |
(Source: Table adapted from E. H. Hagen and K. L. Syme, The Oxford Handbook of Evolution and the Emotions, Laith Al-Shawaf and Todd Shackelford, eds.).
Source: Twitter, Inc.
They do not discriminate, and such is life. Yet, how we react matters. The situation may be the same, but those prone to strong emotional reactions can become far more susceptible to depression. The higher the degree to which a person experiences the world as distressing, threatening, and unsafe, the higher is the probability for a depressive episode. When we are subject to frequent fluctuations of our emotional state – anxiety, tension, and social-withdrawal – researchers term it as neuroticism. See Figure 3.2.
So how should we manage our inner states, and reduce the volatility of our emotions?
Dr. Lucy Hone, who lost her 12-year-old child suddenly, transformed her grief into studies on resilience. She describes one of the most powerful tools in building resilience is to ask,”hmmm … and how is this