of a trouble clenched.
***
When I sat in the train, to me it became very sad. This grief gnawed from within, eating black holes. I did not want to leave again and to look at the disappearing cities. But it was especially sore, from smiles of passersby of people. At that moment I thought: «And what for me happiness? Whether I am happy? What expects me where was not yet?» I knew the answer – it inspired fear, desire to hide, or in general to disappear. But cargo of the truth which to me was provided did not allow to stop. Forces was enough only for getting it together, and again to run.
In a compartment, together with me, the woman by sight sat years of forty. I knew what needs to be waited a little before everything begins. Its brown, average length the suede coat, fitted quite volume forms tightly. As soon as we started, her hands with bright red nails were run on buttons. The coat swung open and the heavy body fitted by the thin burgundy sweater and black trousers which are made narrower to a bottom was released. I caught this sweet, such familiar smell which I at once noticed at the station, began to smell absorbed fleshes.
This woman heaved a deep sigh all the time whatever she did. Its light short curls jumped up at the movement. Especially without paying to me the attention, chewing Mars chocolate bar, she smacked the lips from pleasure. My stomach foully began to hum, and having ceased to watch the stranger, I having rummaged around in the to a traveling bag, from an inside pocket, got a pack of salty peanut. Such food for breakfast, obviously did not suit me, but the choice was not therefore continued to chew. The woman grinned, having noticed a bag in my hand. I pretended that it does not concern me, and looked in a window. In a compartment it was warm, but I did not want to take off a coat, so it seemed more safely. The neighbor heaved a deep sigh again, leaned against a wall, sitting on the lower bed, as well as I, she closed eyes, and in a few minutes lingeringly snored. Having used it, I touched her hand lying on a knee, and the dense white veil filled my eyes. The woman discontentedly moved, but did not wake up.
The rehouse me as if pictures of a kaleidoscope, rushed all moments of life of this stranger. Her hard, but cheerful childhood, misunderstanding of adults, girlfriends, quarrels, the first guy, kiss, dates and wedding. I saw and understood how I lack all this. Being transferred to pipe dreams, I noticed strange changes not at once. The woman was only twenty six years old: beautiful, harmonious and very proud. It, from smiling, light-haired, with big blue eyes of the little girl, turned into sad, irritable creation. Further the hospital, and several operations followed. Something constantly began to disturb this woman, paints one by one were replaced. And here it one, a divorce, depressions, the conflicts at work. Everything became more dark, and is more dark, tightening me together with it. I sharply felt this darkness. It was necessary to be chosen together with it from there, otherwise we will die. And I looked for this door for what we could keep, but the woman began to rest, shout. She painfully seized to me a hand the long red nails, is so strong that from superficial wounds blood which a drop fell in blackness under us filtered. Something left frightening darkness, hairy and small, it nestled on a leg of this woman and looked at me. His tiny muzzle of scarlet color, with black eyes, the open warped mouth, and full of long awful teeth, in several rows, rapaciously smiled and having bitten through a leg of the poor thing, with loud laughter escaped back. The woman having shouted in horror, uncoupled the hands from mine, and fell backwards. From her leg as if a number of soldiers, after the little monster, began to run out spiders.
The sound stood ringing, such that stuffed up ears. The women’s shout which sounded from below – revived me as, I could not move for the chilling horror which held down my body. Having bent, I had to seize strong hands to the woman who was left almost without leg from which spiders still appeared. Its blue, with whole an eye saucer, expressed the endured mix from pain and fear, now it was ready for everything is to be chosen if only from here. Without hesitating seconds, I that there are forces, pulled the woman on itself that she could rise and lean the elbows on my shoulders. Her mouth as if at fish, opened, was closed while we went it is unknown where. The fact that we were surrounded by outer darkness was strange, but I perfectly saw myself and the woman. We went and went, shoulders, tired, painfully ached under weight of a burden. The blond curly head, silently shook, and the remained whole leg, was dragged for the poor thing in a halfbent state. I knew, it is not the end yet, someone obviously played with the fate of this person. Only who!? It also frightened most of all.
Chapter 5.
Not to see – another
Having become exhausted, I stopped to have a rest. The woman still did not raise the head and did not publish a nizvuk. But me weak heart beat was heard therefore I still dragged it on infinite darkness. This woman be dead, I would not be here. Having recovered the breath and having looked around, I decided that it is time to take some measures. Having taken away a hand with bright manicure from the shoulder, it was necessary to me, this rather big woman, to shake slightly in order that her nprivest in feeling. It slightly opened eyes and raised the head.
– I need your help. – Accurately I said and the blond head shook aside. Without knowing, what does it mean, but hoping for consent, I ran the released hand over her forehead. I needed to understand that or who holds it here, and to try to pull out from dark paws, live and safe. The woman opened eyes which immediately began to shine, and ran here and there. Her wide big face became suddenly yellow, and from a mouth white foam went. Two voices, opposite women’s and low men’s, at the same time said:
– To you not to take away it. It is ours.
«Well, is not present! Not today, children!» – I Told in thoughts and, having swung from all force hit the woman in a breast. The person from yellow turned into violet-gray, but I knew that I do everything correctly so far. Foam disappeared as well as appeared that gave a little hope to me. Heart stopped fighting for several seconds, and later, again began to sound quietly and measuredly. From my palm, on all body of the stranger, gold threads ran up, only now I did not take away, and gave. Each thread was poured by bright light, pulsing under my pressure. That heat that I took away in the morning from the young man, had to be enclosed in a body of the woman who soared predo me. Strength of the man will last for her only for few years therefore as soon as it came off my hand, I having immediately picked open wounds on a wrist, pressed a finger to them to take a little blood. Then put three bloody end to that place where there was just my palm, and connected them starting with the last. Blood immediately disappeared, confirming closing. Now remained behind small, saved by me, has to find a way from darkness forever to leave it. But I saw it earlier, and, having thrown back a hand with bright manicure, dragged slowly wakening woman to a thin strip of light. There were cases worse as then, I did not know what I am capable of and how to help poor souls.
The veil from my eyes fell and I returned to a compartment again. Having taken away the scratched hand from the sleeping woman, I sat down on the place where the peanut pack still alone lay. Gathered a handful iskory began to chew. Now hunger became intolerable, I was absolutely empty. And this emptiness pressed on me. Having tightened closer a bag and having got, all from the same inside pocket, a small round pocket mirror, I attentively considered myself. After each exhausting fight for soul, my body and the person suffers minor changes, today there were couple of scratches and a little reddened eyes. But even it did not spoil my person with the gentle flush, black bottomless eyes framed with long dense eyelashes with slightly raised tip of a nose and bright chubby lips. There passed five years, now I am the matured twenty-three-year-old girl. In seventeen, I only began to learn myself real. In eighteen to apply everything that learned in practice. And further – to live with this baggage and to drive about across all Russia. Sooner or later, this travel will end and I, at last, will understand who I am such. For now I am a wanderer.
The woman, opposite to me began to move, opened, then rubbed eyes, and having finally woken up, with astonishment looked at me. I soothingly smiled, she to me in reply; and we continued to go, indifferently.
Chapter 6.
Remember