The Courage Playbook. Gus Lee

1.6 Gary's Tier 4 Table

TIER 4 KEY INFO	TIER 1 WORST I COULD DO	TIER 2 ALMOST WORST	TIER 3 SHORT‐TERM RESULTS	TIER 4 THE BEST POSSIBLE
BELLA CRUZ	Don't lay off staff & don't tell the boss	Lay off people & try to get boss fired	Worry, bad‐mouth the boss & hope for the best	?

Figure 1.7 Bella's Tier 4 Table

      Reader, in which Tier are you, right now? Check your space.

	TIER 1	TIER 2	TIER 3	TIER 4
MY IDEAL CORE
ME, RIGHT NOW

Figure 1.8 My Tier 4 Table

      Gary and Bella said they felt the strong tug of Tier 1 or 2 options. Seeing them laid out in front of them helped them decide to not go that way. They said that they hoped they wouldn't do Tier 3. Neither was ready to guess at a Tier 4 action.

“That's okay,” I said. “First, the tool shows us how fear affects our decisions. Second, it invites us to practice not impulsively giving in to fear and anxiety in decision making. In Step Three, we'll see what Tier 4 options look like and begin practicing them.”

Before we finish Step One with the Mindfulness Pivot, let's stretch and breathe. Try to breathe slowly and deeply. Fill the diaphragm and let your belly push outwards. James Nestor found that inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth is best for normal breathing.¹⁰ We'll see that breathing in this methodical way also reduces tension and uncertainty. (I've just paused writing to breathe and stretch.)

      When Gary cajoled, punished, and played Tiers 1–3's reactive game of carrot‐and‐stick, he became mired in a protracted war of wills with Dr. Bellevue. Gary saw he couldn't control Aiden's behaviors.

      But he could first improve himself.

      Gary had experienced the Tier 4 Mindfulness Pivot. It's the radical shift from spending your precious energy on anger and fear to instead calmly correcting the self.

Psychologist Dr. Seth Gillihan finds that our fears inflate discomfort into existential threats.¹¹ As Gary feared Aiden, Bella Cruz had given her energy to counting the reasons for failure and her terrible personal risks. Each had developed the habit of being anxious about having anxiety and fearing the fact that they had fears; they'd doubled their suffering to create a constant, negative, and troubled mindset. Bella's Mindfulness Pivot happened when she saw the reality that she and her department were doing well, that she could survive a disrespectful boss, and that she had endured far worse. She realized that anxiety and worry weren't helping her or her children, and that she could stop giving in to her unrealistic fears.

      That pivot becomes real when we consciously and systematically recognize and then stop negative reactions to pressures and stress. That is our next step.

Notes

      1 1. “Courage Quotes,” Goodreads, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/courage?page=6/. Accessed November 11, 2021.

      2 2. “Reduce Screen Time,” National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, NIH, https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/wecan/reduce-screen-time/index.htm. Accessed August 21, 2021.

      3 3. Edward R. Laskowski, M.D, “What Are the Risks of Sitting Too Much?” Mayo Clinic, August 21, 2020, https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/sitting/faq-20058005. Accessed June 7, 2021.

      4 4. Aryana Chitnis, “The Science Behind: Your Conscience,” Thesciencebehind.net (Oct. 9, 2020), https://www.thesciencebehind.net/post/the-science-behind-your-conscience. Accessed July 5, 2021.

      5 5. A liberal reinterpretation of a quote by author Robert Gilbreath, author of Escape from Management Hell (Penguin, 1993).

      6 6. Daniel H. Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, (Riverhead, 2009), p. 59.

      7 7. “Does Fear Motivate Workers—Or Make Things Worse?” Wharton Management, upenn.edu, December 4, 2018, https://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/fear-motivate-workers-make-things-worse/. Accessed June 7, 2021.

      8 8. Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence (Little, Brown, 1997).

      9 9. “Moral,” Lexico, the Oxford English Dictionary, https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/moral. Accessed October 24, 2021. See also, “Moral,” Merriam‐Webster Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/moral. Accessed October 24, 2021.

      10 10. James Nestor, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art (Riverhead, 2020).

      11 11. Dr. Seth J. Gillihan, “Why Every One of Your Fears Is a Lie,” Psychology Today (January 1, 2020), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202001/why-every-one-your-fears-is-lie. Accessed June 7, 2021.