Peter shared with me when I started working with him: just because you are good at something, doesn't mean you should do it.
Take Darren, one of my earlier coaching clients, who has also remained a good friend. At the time we met, Darren was a portfolio manager at a hedge fund– a type of money management firm that employs higher-risk methods in the hopes of realizing large capital gains. Darren's charter was to get the highest return on the money he managed. As an expert short seller, that often meant betting against a company's success.
On the first day of coaching, he confessed he was sick and tired of shorting Chipotle stock—waiting for a bad quarter or a salmonella outbreak so he could get out of the position at the right time to make money for the fund. That can be a very negative worldview, setting up to strike when others find failure.
We worked through specific exercises and identified what would be meaningful for him. Darren was drawn, in the end, toward working in nonprofit or some sort of service. He wanted the opportunity to do some good. Contribute more, in his eyes. Others would indeed see “good” in betting against an organization—sending a message to an organization that they need to do better. It is one of the tools of accountability. It's not my, or anybody's, role to tell somebody what their definition of “good” is. Rather, it is to foster a discussion—and a partnership—to help them realize what it is for them. For Darren, he identified what would generate more energy and provide more meaning to his day-to-day.
Darren is now a curator for an internationally renowned speaking organization, where he finds innovative and inspiring speakers and puts together the slate for conferences. He gets to spend his time finding guests who can both entertain and enlighten, and then help these speakers prepare the best talk they can possibly deliver.
He had the courage to take a jump, and now he's excited about what he does every day. His daily life is in alignment with his desire to express himself, and he's much happier for it. It was a deliberate and intentional move, informed by conversations and exploration.
What Darren, many other clients, and I, myself, could tell you is that one of the reasons people can be hesitant to examine their lives is that they are worried about what they will learn. There is the risk that you would look at your life and suddenly realize you are on the wrong path completely. Are you going to need to make drastic changes?
These are emotionally charged questions and considerations, and they constitute one of the major impediments that your GPS must navigate around. I've created a step-by-step process where I can help people identify the right questions to ask and what to do with the answers we find. I work through them with clients and it helps them crystalize their ideas about where they are as well as where they want to be. Where they are today and where they want to be tomorrow.
First, I like to dispense with the ideas of life's purpose and your true passion and calling at this stage. The terms themselves, purpose and passion, can be overwhelming; we've assigned a heavy load of cultural baggage to these words. They are incredibly important and valid topics—and are useful—but the expectations that these concepts carry can be paralytic in nature. We often feel intimidated to think that we must unravel our specific life's greatest mystery, when approached with life purpose and passion, and the actual words get in the way of us moving forward. There is indeed a place for them, just not at the start. Instead, let's simplify. Starting from a place of lightness, ask yourself: What do you like to do? What do you need to do? How do you want to spend your time? What are the sorts of results you'd like to see? What impact do you want to have? What do you truly enjoy?
Starting with that line of inquiry tends to leave people excited and energized. They aren't scared of the big, unmanageable questions because we're working with small and manageable steps. They are lit up with the possibilities. They're curiously beginning to see the ways they can develop a life that works for them and that resonates with their innermost values and desires. I observe what happens to my clients as they open to the possibilities with this kind of inquiry. I follow their energy for clues. I listen not only to the words people say, but also how they say them. As a coach, I look for and follow energy. It's the truest indication, signal, of what my clients really want, even if they don't yet have the language to articulate it. Energy may hide. But it doesn't lie.
Do they look me in the eye when speaking? How does their body language change? What about the tone of their voice, their facial expressions, and speed of speaking? As we discuss various topics, they may sit up straighter, relax the furrows in their brow, and maybe even smile slightly. Generally, when I tell my clients what I've seen on this energy trail, they're responsive, intrigued, and inspired toward further exploration. It's a very natural progression, asking questions and observing a client's intuitive answers. Energy is how we express ourselves on the most fundamental and honest levels. What lights you up?
There is one thing that is vital to understand: the change (or changes) you need and want might not be a giant one. Drastic overhaul is not for everybody. You may not need to completely jump industries or change companies—or even roles—to find the sort of transformation that will reinvigorate your existence. Thousands of coaching sessions say drastic change is often not required.
In traditional coaching, the task involves identifying where someone isn't excelling, and finding a way to fix it. But I've found that approach is not a one-size-fits-all. My philosophy of coaching is strongly informed by Positive Psychology. I am not going to focus on what's wrong or “broken.” Positive Psychology looks at what makes people happy, and how to truly enhance quality of life. I've seen that when we play to our strengths, we're not only gratified and more fulfilled, we also accomplish more. We're more successful, and we feel better about it. The key is confidence. When we can tap more into ourselves, it feels natural and effortless. It feels good.
Coaching from this positive angle, my clients and I focus on where they excel and what causes them to feel animated and alive. We then ascertain the concrete changes they can make to help draw more of those positives into their lives. I also use a variety of tools to identify their strengths, innate preferences, and predilections—and we put those to work.
There's a reason I named my coaching company Inflection Point. It's a term from mathematics that shows a single point on an XY-axis where a slope changes direction. The formula of an inflection shows where a line will go, and how its course will change.
Metaphorically, an inflection point is a decisive, catalytic moment that alters the trajectory of a person as an individual, or a business as a whole. That inflection point can be a dramatic one that sends you in nearly the opposite direction from where you were going before. But it can also be a subtle correction, a minor recalibration that brings you more in line with the way you should really be living. We experience inflection points more often than we realize. Probably, at this very moment, you find yourself at an important crossroads from which you can proceed in several directions, each of which could lead to radically different outcomes.
Whether the change is macro or micro, the most important thing is taking that first step toward finding your contribution to the world. This is the path that gives your life meaning.
Your path may be running a Fortune 500 company. It may be going on your own as an entrepreneur and disrupting an entire industry. It could be teaching the fourth grade. It could be performing as a cello virtuoso. It could be to thrive in your current role or excel in one to which you were just promoted. Everyone's answer is going to be a little different. That's the way it should be. The important part is finding what will help you embrace your strengths and develop a position that will allow you to put those assets into play, and make way for your success.
I am passionate about energizing other people's lives. I love being there as clients meet their true selves, and feel their souls stir. This newfound momentum empowers them to use that knowledge as a catalyst to build a rich and satisfying life free of nagging self-doubt and dissatisfaction. My joy is seeing individuals step into their own renaissance, powered by the energy they find within themselves.
It took me decades to recognize the difference between what I should do and what I wanted to do (what really…); moving from clue to clue, I learned