with their patients. Customers like to feel special. People paying you want to believe you aren't just competent, but that you actually care about them and their issues.
While we've seen very few law students come out of school as empathetic lawyers, we've seen a few who are naturally programmed this way. As you start your career, try to practice empathy by thinking deeply about what motivations people have that you can't see on the surface. Do research on your colleagues and clients and construct a narrative of what might be driving their behavior instead of simply writing them off. As you get good at this, you'll have much better relationships and feel much about your decisions when you actually do decide to deem someone an idiot, because let's face it—they are out there too. And always remember, clients and partners are like icebergs; what you can see is only a fraction of what they have going on below the surface.
One last word on empathy. Remember the three types that we discussed above? Cognitive, emotional and compassionate? Realize which one you are using and feeling. Cognitive should always be turned on, as it's the only way to really be on the same “playing field” as someone else. Emotional is much less voluntary. You can't choose to feel another's emotion. If you live your life being a regular emotional empath, you may find yourself feeling burdened by other people's issues. Imagine if you internally carried every client's issues as your own. That is a surefire way to burnout. Similarly, if you apply compassionate empathy to every issue, there will be a lot of people thinking, “I didn't want you to fix my problem. I just wanted you to listen.” This last point can be very relevant in close personal relationships as well. Note that high amounts of emotional and compassionate empathy seem to go hand-in-hand with successful criminal defense lawyers. The bottom line is that some of this analysis will depend on what area of law you pursue; fortunately, our guest chapters dive into this by chosen professions.
We empathize that this section is a bit deep and for some of you, not the easiest or most enjoyable read. Remember, if you don't identify with being empathetic, or do see yourself this way, but you tend to get busy and forget to be empathetic, it's okay. We believe that you can work and practice to get better. And remember, you just got through one of the densest sections of this book and we are just getting started! We didn't leave the punchline for last, rather as a filter for the rest of the book. Go stretch your legs, pet your animal companion, grab a drink, or watch Tiger King 2 for the second time and we'll move onto the other core concepts of lawyering that we promise won't be nearly as thick.
Listen First, Talk Second
Listening first is a really good habit to acquire as a lawyer. It's tough to screw up if your lips aren't moving. In fact, very good litigators use the fact that most people don't like silence to carve up their adversaries during depositions. It's also a marvelous way to practice empathy and make people happy. Clients and bosses like to feel heard and the best method to facilitate this is for you to not talk. There are two different ways to approach this concept: listening out of necessity and listening as a strategy.
Listening out of necessity is listening when you are trying to get all information and facts on the table so that you may best analyze a situation. Consider this similar to reading the facts of a case before you dig in on what you think the outcome should be. While email dominates much more than it did 20 years ago, most major conversations with clients and colleagues are usually still verbal. One, it's way more efficient, and two, it doesn't leave a paper trail, which can be important for gnarly situations. Note that it's your responsibility to dig out all the facts and issues of a situation. If the client wants to use email, but you think you aren't getting the full picture, pick up the phone. But here's a pro tip: only do this if you have to. Maybe the email suggests that the client is super busy. Again, empathy matters.
Listening as a strategy is also very important. This is the situation where you've “been there, done that” and you know what's coming. Why not butt into the conversation, look smart, and solve the problem? If you work for a law firm, you just saved the client two minutes of billings! And, if you are in New York at a top firm, this savings is roughly equal to three nice Avery IPAs in Boulder, Colorado (if you thought there would be no math in this book, we apologize). The problem is the client feels like you didn't listen, and no one likes this feeling. Think about a conversation where your significant other and you talk over each other. Even if one or both of you were correct, it still doesn't feel good to be unheard.
The smart play is to listen. Listen because you'll get more relevant data. Listen when you think you already know it all because maybe there is a twist in the facts you aren't considering. Even if you are 100% “in the know,” listen because it makes you look good, compassionate, and thoughtful. Listening builds trust. Listening makes you at least appear calm.
Ask Questions
Okay, you've mastered empathy. And you've listened correctly. The client, boss, or whomever is thinking, “Wow, this person is really mature and put together for a junior lawyer!” Now what? It's time to talk. You have a choice: Do you start with recommendations and analysis, or do you ask questions? Our advice is the latter.
It is rare that someone gives you all the data you need to solve a problem. Very rare, in fact. Our experience suggests that if you think you have all the data you need, it's because you aren't thinking broadly enough about the issue at hand or are missing something. If questions initially don't come to mind, we suggest you look inward and ask yourself, “What am I missing here?” Remember, if it is that simple, they wouldn't be asking you.
The question could be as easy as asking the senior law firm partner, “When do you want this done and how many hours do you want me to allocate to this?” It's amazing to us how few junior attorneys ask this question. The question seems basic, but the response is super important. If you are late on the project, the partner and client are angry. If you bill an unexpectedly high number of hours, then it's even worse.
We've said this before and we'll say it again: don't fall into the trap of feeling like you have to prove your intelligence by jumping too quickly to conclusions and advice. No one expects you to be like that from day one out of law school so don't fall for the false assumption. Do a quality job in the time allowed and get it right. Nothing is worse than screwing up a project and having to do it again. Remember, you're unlikely to outsmart the senior lawyer the vast majority of times.
There is one more way to look at our point. Remember the most famous Hollywood lawyers and detectives? The ones who are famous for “always winning?” Think about how much time the dialogue is them asking questions, versus them stating conclusions.
Always (Usually) Give Advice
Let's take a mental check here. Empathy? Got it. Listening? Yep. Ask questions? Got this one, too. The last core concept is the idea that you should always give advice.
Wait…What?
You should be thinking, “Wait. How do I always give advice when I'm fresh out of school and don't really know what I'm doing?” Most junior lawyers focus on this question and decide not to give advice. They tell the client, “I'll get back to you,” or they wait two days to return an email and frustrate the person who sent the communication. This also applies to getting back to bosses and senior lawyers.
Let's put this another way: you start at your law firm billing out at $300 to $600 an hour and you've just spent 20 minutes on the phone with a client. While you've done a good job with the other three core concepts, you get done and say, “Thanks, I'll get back to you.” From the client's perspective, this is what they are thinking:
1 I just spent $100 to $200 and got nothing. Not even a morsel of an answer?
2 Did they hear what I was telling them?
3 Why am I paying for someone who doesn't know anything and then will have to go the partner and double bill me?
4 Why can't I get a more experienced lawyer who can help me?
These