Parenting with pleasure. How to become a happy parent and enjoy it. Andrei Isaev

progress.

      – Living in society, the child needs to learn to communicate with themselves and those around. For a child, the experience of being alone trains the state of complete concentration. This is important because a child gradually learns to control themselves, their internal mental, emotional processes. But being in society, on the other hand, contributes to the ability to concentrate on the external.

      Chapter 2. “I can do anything!” (Optimism)

      “And if I fail?” John asked. “You can always try again,” dad replied.

      Optimism is how we explain to ourselves what is happening around us. The habit of explaining events in a certain way is formed in childhood. Around the age of seven, a child develops their own style.

      What do an optimistic child and a child prone to pessimism say about reasons for unfortunate events?

      1. An optimist is sure that everything can be changed. A pessimist does not have such confidence (“Oh no, what am I going to do now?..”)

      2. An optimist thinks that a failure is isolated and accidental. A pessimist is sure that failures happen to them constantly and everywhere. (“It’s always like this with me!”).

      3. An optimist attributes a trouble to the circumstances. A pessimist constantly blames themselves for any trouble. (“It’s all because I can’t do it”).

      Adults play an important role in fostering optimism. First of all, always strive to tell the child the truth. Even if the truth is adjusted to the child’s perception, it is honest.

      Give the child the opportunity to cope themselves with all tasks that they can manage on their own. Let them try, let them fail, but if you feel that they can do it, let them do it on their own.

      Be mindful of your words and actions. If you want your child to become an optimist, you will have to become an optimist yourself! Only forward, only optimistic statements.

      How, if ever, to criticize the child

      Weigh all your comments on the scales of reason. Remember that exaggerations and unnecessary emotions can deprive the child of the desire for change. However, complete abstinence from comments weakens the will to correct mistakes.

      Try to give your criticisms optimistically. Point out specific and fixable things.

      Below are some examples of bad and good critique:

      “Michael, what’s wrong with you? You’re always messing around!” and “Michael, you’re messing around today. I don’t like it.”

      “Ann said you were crying the whole time I was gone. What a crybaby you are!” and “Ann said you cried the whole time I was gone. Were you sad without me?”