with someone! If I have one weakness, then it’s sex…»
«I don’t recognise you, Rachel! What I’m hearing, you’re going mad!»
«If there’s one thing I do not need right now, it is a high-and-mighty lecture from my younger sister… What do you know? I happen to be being tormented by hopeless love. Nothing on earth can come close to the bitterness of love rejected. But life goes on. Do you remember how to dance? The second partner changes places with the first, the third with the second… And you dance while you can, whilst you’re young! And live life to the full, whilst you can. But macho men, so untrustworthy and faithless, so depraved… I was depressed, and felt like a right moron, before I realised I had to forget about them! Put them out of my mind. Idiots! They rejected me!»
«I know, you don’t deserve that, Rachel…»
«Yes, I’m unhallowed. I prayed and confessed to all my sins in expectation of a miracle. And Jesus came to me, and he told me that I was the most faithful Christian myrrh bearer Mary Magdalene, and that I was worthy of his love. He gave me a jar of incense, and ordered me to pour myrrh over his legs and to dry it with my hair. Then he pronounced that it was for my sake that he died on the cross and resurrected, to cure me of the Seven Sins…» she nodded her head with certainty, continuing her nonsensical narrative, not letting her sister get in a single word.
«He warned me that my clothes will soon decay, but that my nakedness will be covered by my long hair. I am growing it now, and he said my haggard body will be flown up to Heaven by angels every night for healing.» Erin was silent. She observed the unfolding scene and tried to avoid making contact with those familiar and darkened eyes opposite her, and gradually fought back tears. An indescribable horror gripped her, horror and sorrow. It had finally happened, Rachel had gone mad! And her entire world with it! «What will I say to them when I get home?»
Then she saw something new, something she was hard pressed to believe, Rachel had now begun to grin like an animal. But to her surprise, Rachel asked with sadness and naïveté in her voice:
«You don’t believe me either?» and she burst into tears bitterly. «You don’t believe that Jesus came to see me, a sinner? You’re asking why he is with me, and not you?» and then she suddenly broke out into a disturbing laugh, almost a guffaw, and exclaimed loudly, «It’s because he would never have come to visit the world of believers…»
«Rachel…» Erin was trying all she could to calm her sister down, «you’re acting like a headcase. Sometimes I think you’re only putting on this charade, this ham-fisted farce, just to get back at me?»
«Thank God, you get it at last!» she triumphantly raised her hands to the ceiling. «You had me locked up in here! Shame on you!»
«We had to, Rachel! You‘re ill!»
«You’re the sick ones! You decided to get rid of me… Even our wise father… To whom I’m useless…»
«You’re angry with us?»
«Angry? Don’t ask stupid questions! You’re all long dead to me. As I am to you! You have no place in my life! I’ll never ever forgive you! I’m sick of being goody two shoes!»
«What have I ever done to you, Rachel? Why do you hate me… we’re sisters. For basically your entire life Mum and Dad ran around after you like a child.»
«They never loved me, especially not after you were born. They did nothing but cherish you and pamper you. And for me? Nothing! It made me furious!»
«That’s not how it was, Rachel! Stop it! How could you say that now? Now, with Dad dying. He has cancer!» but the other didn’t raise an eyebrow. She just bit greedily into a juicy, bright red, almost blood red apple, and asked with annoyance, «All you ever think about are yourselves. Did you ever think ever about me? What was I even born for at all?»
«That was God’s will.»
«It was more likely Mum’s and Dad’s sexual craving… And did they ever ask me if I wanted to exist on this earth?»
«A strange conversation. You know what, dear sister, I’ll tell you this, you‘re impossible! What are you trying to achieve here anyway?»
Suddenly she pressed herself up against the back of the armchair, burrowing herself into it, and requested sadly, «I want you to burn my slippers whilst I’m here. Otherwise they‘ll wither and die of lack of attention. And, if you want, you can sleep in my bedroom sometimes. It’s okay… Don’t you love me at least a bit?»
Joy emanated in Erin’s mind: «Hallelujah! Oh Lord, hallelujah! Is this anything less than a miracle?» It was as though there were several different versions of her sister which constantly fought with each other, buckling under pressure at first from the dark side of her, which was evidently more powerful, and then back to the lighter side. In that moment, her face perked up in a long-awaited and promising way, which laid bare the lighter side of her perception of life. This was a very good omen.
«I love you so much Rachel!» she answered joyously, «you’re my sister!»
«But sometimes I think you hate me…»
«Sometimes I really did begin to hate you. But even then I… I did love you. Wait, let me take a picture for Dad…» they hugged, wrapping their arms around one another, and tightly pressing up against each other. «Oh, your hair is caught in my earrings.» Erin, with an embarrassed smile, tried to disentangle her golden ear clip from Rachel’s dishevelled black hair. Rachel, helping Erin to free her hair, exposed her neck, upon which under her locks there was hidden a circular, brown birthmark the size of a small pea, so soft and coquettish. She had doubtlessly driven a few men, even those who had been round the block a few times, out of their minds with it.
«It’s never too late to start again! It’s most important for us to be together, Rachel. A burden has been taken off my shoulders and I’m so delighted. Peace?»
«Hmmm, not sure…» she was still slightly obstinate. «Maybe, but peace will take a while. It’s complicated. Do you remember when I taught those good-for-nothings a lesson in our pub?» Of course, Erin remembered the incident mired in scandal, which led to consequences so serious as to threaten the family business. Rachel had the job of helping the waiters in the pub. The incident occurred on a Friday night, when the pub was filled to the rafters. «Those two new customers, English ones, who placed that order? Remember? Those two little prissy girls did not like our Irish food!»
«I remember, I was serving their table,» thinking back to this incident made Erin feel uncomfortable, «then you came along and never let me get a word in!»
«Those Anglo-Saxons, so high and mighty, too proud to share a drink with me! Paid no attention to me! They were probably content just to be by themselves! Then they threw an off glance in my direction… Refused to pay for their food they wolfed down. Those beautiful pork ribs in gravy to induce drooling… They said they preferred vegetarian food, and demanded a vegetable salad on the house… A little voice inside me told me instantly how to ruffle their feathers…»
«You asked them what they were doing…»
«Yeah, those odious, pathetic penny-pinchers worked as archive rats in the London Museum of Modern Arts, and had come up to Birmingham for a romantic weekend…»
«To this day I have no idea what possessed you to offer them, these experts of modern art, the «masterpiece of culinary art.» How much balls to bring them faeces in the shape of a cracknel biscuit, calling this «dish’ spinach puree. And you happily wished them bon appetit! It’ll be a long time before I will have the strength to torture myself with awful memories like that. How much effort and how many means Dad needed to sort that one out!»
Rachel guffawed provocatively. People near them began to give sidelong looks in their direction. An older woman, a visitor, was listening in, and nodded her