as the teller had promised, the ticket price had remained the same. Tonya breathed a sigh of relief as she completed the transaction and studied the two ordinary-looking tickets that had been given to her. When traveling to America, citizens of the former Soviet Union were required to purchase a round-trip ticket to ensure that they would eventually return to their country of origin, but as Tonya studied the intricately printed wording, she thought of her own plans.
Finally, Tonya spotted a light post with a large concrete slab and hurried there to rest herself. She felt as if all of the tension that she had been crippled with for the last week had been taken off of her. Not far from the entrance to the train station, a wind ensemble played pop music from the 1970s. It was so cheerful and energetic that the contrast between the sounds of the music and the players’ surroundings was ironic.
Next to the sidewalks, beggars begged for anything that you could give them, food or money. The pavilion was constructed simply, and underneath it vendors sold many items, from secondhand shoes to homemade clothes. There were also shirts, jackets, hats, and any other item that a person might need. Pedestrians walked around with troubled expressions on their faces, some with frustration, and others with hopelessness and emptiness. Most of them were wearing clothing that was ready to be thrown out. With “perestroika” even the streets in the town were neglected. The sidewalks were filled with papers and trash. Inside the train station cashier window, cockroaches roamed freely. Some of the people standing in line told Tonya that at night one could see rats jumping from the wall.
While Tonya was taking this all in, one musician in the band met her eyes and smiled, winking at her as if to say, “Keep your head up.”
Tonya was crying as she took in the people around her. She was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. She felt happiness that she finally possessed two tickets to America, but she felt sadness and love for all those around her, just strangers, but still close to her heart. She felt so much connection with them, her countrymen and countrywomen. The scene of the band against these surroundings reminded her of a painting, “Feast during Plague.”
Tonya also felt fear for what she had done with her travel passport. The visa for Vlad had been denied. Tonya had swallowed her pride and spoken to a consulate member, begging for an approved visa for her son. She told him her life story through her tears, in hopes that he might have some compassion for her situation. She explained to him that she was not leaving the country for her sake, but for the sake of her two children. Although Daniel was not traveling to America as well, Tonya was confident that by being in the “land of freedom,” she would swiftly bring Daniel over; besides, the task of paying back his mother and brother’s tickets fell upon his shoulders.
The consulate member confided to her that he was powerless to do anything. He told her, “You cannot imagine how much money the Ukrainian government pays to the consulate to purposely deny visas to young citizens. The government does not want anyone to leave the country. They consider children to be their future.” Then he looked at Tonya attentively and said, “I remember one case similar to yours when the consulate mistakenly didn’t mark the travel passport as ‘Denied.’ When the family arrived in America, they simply let them go through because the mistake wasn’t their fault.”
Tonya’s ultimate decision was to alter her visa. She did it on the street, just after she walked out of the embassy. She did it quickly because she was afraid that she would have second thoughts and change her mind. She was afraid that her current bravery would fail her, so she acted with haste. It was easier than she imagined it would be. She only had to erase a simple cross mark that denoted who would accompany her on the trip, but she was not sure that it would help her make it through the checkpoint before boarding the airplane. Should she tell her boys what she had done? She had too much on her mind, too much tension to let herself be relieved with tears…
When Tonya returned home, she told Vlad to get ready for a trip and to keep it a secret from everyone. She was anxious to see and talk to Dan, who was at his workplace. Dan had barely gotten over the threshold when Tonya ran over to him and asked him to help her with something in the cellar. He looked very tired and glanced at her with surprise, but she let him know that it was urgent. When they got to the cellar, Tonya told him about her trip to Kiev and about the changes that she had made to her passport. He appeared frustrated and did not know what to say, but his mother needed his approval to go ahead with her plan.
After a minute of silence he answered, “If it was your first instinct to do it and you did it, maybe it was the right thing to do.”
They both understood that there was no other option, no other chance, and decided to risk everything. Dan agreed with Tonya’s decision not to tell Vlad about the fraud. Vlad was always a very obedient child, and this knowledge would be too large a load to put on his shoulders.
Twelve days before their departure, Tonya wrote an absence note for one week to the school of music where she had worked as a piano teacher. She also let the counselor at Vlad’s school know that he would not be in school for a few days.
The train departed late in the evening on September 28, 1992. It was the 22nd anniversary of her sister’s death. Dan was helping to carry two suitcases that Tonya had prepared for the trip. There were sets of clothes for both warm and cold weather, a book with music, two forks, two spoons, one pot, two pillows, blankets, a couple of sheets and pillowcases. Besides those possessions, Tonya had only $150 in her wallet.
The train slowly arrived at the platform and then stopped. It was time for them to say their goodbyes.
Tonya hugged Dan and said, “Stay strong. Take care of yourself. I hope we will see you soon.”
Dan took Vlad by the elbow, guiding him away from Tonya, and whispered something in his ear.
“What are you whispering about?” asked Tonya.
“Nothing important,” answered Dan as he hugged Vlad.
They held each other for a long time, as if they had foreseen that they would not see one another again for many, many years…
After arriving at the airport, they discovered that they still had three hours before departure. A series of flashbacks brought Tonya to a different time in her life….
She was back at her high school graduation with her two closest girlfriends. The girls in the inseparable trio were the only ones crying from a sudden, instinctual understanding that the best part of their lives was coming to a close. Never again would they be able to spend so much time together; never again would they be so young and carefree….
She was crying and begging her mother to let her audition at a nearby college for music. When her mother finally relented, with her father’s intervention, Tonya left home with her mother’s final words ringing in her ears: “I hope you never pass the exams and get rejected.” Contrary to her mother’s “curse,” Tonya was accepted after a second interview of playing for an instructor, well before the entrance examinations, and with the instructor’s most sincere compliments.
The instructor, Ludmila Innokentievna Ivanova, had graduated from the Moscow Conservatory and proudly claimed herself the artistic granddaughter of Rimski-Korsakov. (Her teacher at the Moscow Conservatory was a direct pupil of Rimski-Korsakov). She therefore wanted her pupils to be proud of being the great-grandchildren of Rimski-Korsakov. Ludmila Innokentievna had been a second prize winner of the International Piano Competition in Warsaw as a sophomore at the Conservatory. Two years of studying with her gave Tonya the mastery of piano that would have otherwise cost others a lifetime of learning.
Tonya and the other students understood that they were lucky to have Ludmila Innokentievna as a teacher. It was no secret that a master such as Ludmila Innokentievna would not come to Siberia for any reason other than the fact that the salary was higher there than in any other part of the country. Teachers were thus able to improve their financial situations by going further north. Ludmila Innokentievna had the privilege to have as many students as she wanted; however, after a few months, the work took its toll on her. She had no patience for