there a better way than sarcastic TV hosts?
Yes.
If only someone had told me a hundred times that it was not my fault. With love and care he would convey to me that I am not to blame for the guy’s betrayal. If I realized that I was responsible for the breakup, that I was the cause, but responsibility is not the same as guilt, then I would cope.
And in the end, do you know what happened? For about another year I tried to bring Dima back in my usual manner, and I succeeded. True, by that time, cynicism towards men had reached the height of my nature, and I went looking for new adventures.
Then I saw a similar situation in several other women.
Tatyana's acquaintance chose the path of living with an alcoholic who beat her, but “loved” her, instead of self-improvement and a happy life.
Anna, a friend, became a debauchee because of her husband, who drank, cheated and beat her.
The stepdaughter abandoned her studies and began to abuse alcohol because of the guy who proposed to her and, according to rumors, also cheated on her. With her, fortunately, the story quickly corrected itself; the right people were nearby, who quickly grabbed her by the hands and pulled her out of the quagmire, which almost sucked her in. Exactly a month was enough to discover the deplorability of the situation and quickly take drastic measures to restore its causality over life.
What have we done? They did not support her, they condemned her actions (not her in any case). She wrote down her harmful actions towards herself and other people, sorted by time, place, form and event, after which she immediately left her boyfriend, an alcoholic gambling addict, and found herself an evening job in an elite organization together with a new decent young man.
If in my time, then at the age of twenty, I knew such technology, I would have been able to avoid a lot of mistakes.
Do you think that I speak in cliches and in a very veiled manner?
True, because censorship doesn't let some things through. If you are especially interested in how to survive the pain of loss, you can find me on Instagram and write. I will be glad to help individually in your situation.
Back to cheating.
What happens when a person is drawn to flirt (and cheating begins with this) with another person?
Let's take a closer look.
What is a weak front?
In my opinion, this has always been a kind of whim.
Well, that is, we are all polygamous by nature and we would all like to have sex with several sexual partners without feeling remorse.
And since man is a highly organized being and has learned to live in society, he is obliged to fulfill the demands of the majority in order to get along with it.
For example, what are the requirements of the majority?
It has been observed that if two people decide to belong to each other, then the presence of a third upsets one of the couple. Very frustrating. So much so that he can kill the other two. Therefore, it was decided that if a couple agreed to live together, then the expansion of their group should be agreed upon by both members.
Infectious diseases also appeared: syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV in the end. Society, trying to protect itself, noticed that many sexual contacts with different people lead to the spread of infection, epidemic. In their powerlessness against this, contraceptives were invented, but not all and not always, unfortunately, save one hundred percent. Therefore, yes, the most correct and competent way invented by society was a serious relationship between two faithful partners.
Another important part that people paid attention to was the frustration of women due to insufficient financial support for themselves and their children while their husband spends a lot of money on his mistress. Such an angry woman is dangerous to society as a whole. And in order to reduce their numbers, the group again requires fidelity and monogamy.
In my opinion, these are the main things that explain the rationality of life without betrayal.
And therefore, betrayal is simply the inability to keep oneself within the framework of a universal agreement.
This may simply be due to ignorance. Then the solution would be to familiarize children from school with the above arguments in favor of being faithful to a partner.
Or a person deliberately spits from a high bell tower on society, on their demands, because he himself is already in the mood for a gun. This is not necessarily adultery. As a child, he could steal sausage from a store, or money from his grandmother’s wallet.
Do you understand?
How to anticipate betrayal and prevent it.
Explore with your partner all the options for why infidelity is bad. Even if it would seem that the elephant understands it, discuss it and don’t regret the time spent.
Well, agree, preferably in writing, what you will do if this happens. There may be different options: an instant breakup, financial compensation, a large donation to the HIV fund, a trip to the doctor to diagnose and treat complications that have arisen, divorce and finding an ideal partner for the spouse who will allow the offended partner not to suffer alone, not to be interrupted by bread and water after a breakup, do not look for a replacement in fear of never finding one.
You know, even though you smile, that this is possible.
My husband cheated on his girlfriend at the age of fifteen. And like a true gentleman, he introduced his best friend to her, who helped the poor girl survive the pain of loss and restore her self-esteem. They got married and were happy.
Well, have you ever thought that this was possible? Yeah. And this, I tell you, would eliminate a lot of problems with cheating.
Because:
A) such a heme…few people want it. You’ll think three hundred times about whether it’s worth sleeping with another woman, so that you can then fulfill the entire list of promises to your partner.
B) when you imagine that your love will immediately leave you FOREVER, the erection disappears. Here it is important to imagine in the “five Ds” all the colors, the sensations of loss, so that it immediately pinches your chest. The genital organ of both women and men responds well to mental pain and experiences. Otherwise, where do you think frigidity and impotence come from?
After that time they didn’t cheat on me again, in any case, if you don’t get too arrogant, then I don’t know about it.
But with my real husband, we did step A and B to make our marriage cheater-proof.
He cheated on his first wife. I cheated on one of my boyfriends. Therefore, given our experience, it was important for us to agree on loyalty to each other.
If we ever interrupt our agreements, we will definitely divorce and find an acceptable replacement in our place.
We are not saints, and the body sometimes asks for another person. Sometimes you have dreams about having sex with another partner. Sometimes a spark will flash like that. Sometimes a thought comes into your head and doesn’t come out for weeks, you imagine yourself as someone else’s wife, how everything would be. And then he lets go.
This happens to my husband too, he doesn’t tell in detail, he just hints that he had a terrible dream with other people’s boobs, and he laughs.
We came up with a way to prevent betrayal if it happens: don’t flirt.
Well, that is, when hormones are raging, when you are physically attracted to someone, do not take any action. Do not communicate, do not meet, do not meet eyes, do not touch, and especially do not joke with the object of your adoration.
After some time, the hormones release, the mind again takes control of the body, you come to your senses, and again you want only your lover.
Am