of changing. I couldn’t pass by fur coats in the store, so I bought a fox fur coat on installment, paying part of the money. The coat was good, leather-based, two-thirds sleeve. But that wasn’t all: I was drawn to the wonderful salon “Etalon,” the best one where my acquaintance worked. Now I will be beautiful, I do this for him with great desire and joy.
I look at myself in the mirror, sitting in the salon chair, and the hairdresser turns me into a beauty.
“Shall we dye your hair some more?” the hairdresser asks.
“Yes, let’s dye it, and choose a conditioner.”
In the evening, Marianna couldn’t sleep; you could see her lying on the couch, watching YouTube trainings and sessions on how to appeal to men. There, a millionaire’s wife talked about what one should be like and how to behave. Well, I’m just a simpleton, I need to be better. I’ve never been like that and never understood such things. Once at sixteen, I put on sunglasses to look fashionable and walked down the street. A young sarcastic neighbor walking by said frankly, “Oh, take them off! Marianna, take them off, for God’s sake!” Apparently, the glasses didn’t fit.
Now I will learn to be beautiful, and I continued to listen to videos on YouTube. There’s so much to know… about luxury watch brands, cars… Marianna listened on YouTube to a dialogue between two relationship coaches, a woman, the same millionaire’s wife, and a prominent figure, psychologist, and expert on women and men. They asked each other questions, sat and looked at each other. Marianna was all attention, analyzing and applying it to herself.
Voices came from the phone screen where the video was being streamed:
“Girl in pink! This concerns you!” Both looked at Marianna.
Marianna looked at the frills of her pink blouse lying on the bed. Is it about me?
“Yes, I’m listening, I haven’t missed anything.”
Then a young man appeared on YouTube and began to talk about how to behave with a girl with a guy, and how cool it is to flirt. It was Lev Vozhevatov, a blogger; it’s interesting to listen to him, just cool. That’s how it goes… Now I’ll listen to Lev until one in the morning.
***
It’s him… It’s definitely him… Alex. Whom I’ve been waiting for my whole life. His eyes, his movements, this is the meaning of life. And now what difference does it make that there’s a wife, it doesn’t matter at all… And Borjka… what’s the difference… The main thing is us, Alex and I. How everything turned upside down inside me… And then I remembered a moment about women, a dialogue with a young beautiful lady. She said then, “Oh, how I want to fall in love, so that everything inside turns upside down, so that peace is disturbed, so that guts are turned inside out.” And that’s exactly what happened to me…
Life-Giving Force
What kind of feeling settled in Marianna? It is joy and happiness. This must be how Adam and Eve felt in the Garden of Eden. Unrestrained happiness of the soul, and it seems nothing else is needed. You want to laugh, dance, sing; this feeling fills you with hot plasma, bursting from your eyes, spreading throughout your body. Marianna reveled in this bliss like opium, because nothing else in life is needed, joy filled every cell of her body. Such joy and happiness I have never known before. Directing myself more and more towards love for him, in the flow of love emanating, I came to this thought:
Yes, this is love for Christ. It’s the same thing. I looked into my eyes in the mirror. What was there… Burning with divine fire, deep, greenish, hot, all-encompassing. A feeling of joyful bliss, like being on drugs. And nothing else is needed, this is the meaning of life, I laugh, rejoice from this love, I want to laugh like a madwoman. Love for a person is love for God, I came to this realization. There is no place for envy, sadness, or melancholy here, only drive, fountains, streams of blissful ecstasy.
This is music… I want to dance, move my body smoothly, merging with the music. Marianna puts on her headphones and for the hundredth time listens to the song from the movie “Return My Love” about Vera: here appears the face of the handsome Stanislav Bondarenko, and Vera herself, they connect eyes; the song carries you away, warms you like a blazing fire, waves run from the music from top to bottom and to the heart, enhancing love with its drug.
Marianna stands in the corridor between the kitchen and the dining room, sees her reflection in the phone: eyes filled with life-giving force.
I wonder if Alex feels this too… Yes, it seems he looked strange in his Facebook3 photos, laughing his head off, and I thought there was madness in his eyes, and the same divine fire in his eyes. Probably, this force has struck both of us. And this feeling cannot be hidden, and it seems the whole of Semivetrinsk already knows that I am in love, that I walk around thin and pale; people might even be laughing at me…
Do You Hear?
I need just a little of your love,
Do you hear?
And allow me to be where your thoughts are,
Breathing!
I will forever be in your thoughts —
Different ones.
And in ordinary days, just for us,
Idle ones.
And as much as fate gives me —
This one,
I want to think of you —
In summer.
And in my thoughts, I’ll be with you
Forever!
And you don’t even know I am —
Somewhere…
Like a Fool
Marianna walks into Alex’s office.
“Oh, good day!” Alex beamed with a smile.
He pulled a new sports uniform for Nikolash from the closet and handed it to Marianna. Preparing for the meeting, she wore her new white blouse with colorful ruffles on the shoulders and front. He’s looking at me now, Marianna notes, I wonder how I look…
Alex squinted and looked at her, at her mouth as she spoke.
“Alright, thank you, I hope it fits him,” Marianna replied.
“Will Nikolash participate in the competition?” Alex asked, squinting his eyes.
“Yes, I hope… he will want to.” But Marianna’s thoughts were elsewhere, and she just gazed at Alex, spellbound, trying to guess what he felt. Alex smiled and lightly touched Marianna’s hand.
A golden fire touched Marianna, running through her body and bringing bliss. Only God could touch like that, with His touch. At least, that’s what Marianna thought. She was nervous and wanted to leave quickly, to run away, yet it was also so sweet to just be near Alex.
After saying goodbye, Marianna left Alex’s office and headed to the bus stop.
“Oh God, how ridiculous I am in these ruffles on my blouse… He looked at me so strangely… I looked silly…” Marianna blushed, remembering the meeting.
“I clenched a crumpled bill,
In my hand swiftly now,
I acted like a fool with you,
During