they circle back, I don’t see how the slaverunners could possibly spot us.
My legs and feet are cramped from sitting, it’s gotten much colder out, and I’m freezing. I can see by Bree and Rose’s chattering teeth that they’re freezing, too. I wish I had blankets or clothes to give them, or warmth of some sort. I wish we could build a fire – not just for warmth, but also to be able to see each other, to take comfort in each other’s faces. But I know that’s out of the question. It would be far too risky.
I see Ben sitting there, huddle over, shaking, and remember the pants I salvaged. I stand, the boat rocking as I do, and take a few steps over to my sack and reach in and pull them out. I toss them to Ben.
They land on his chest and he looks over at me, confused.
“They should fit,” I say. “Try them on.”
He’s wearing tattered jeans, covered in holes, way too thin, and dampened with water. Slowly, he bends over and pries off his boots, then slides the leather pants on over his jeans. They look funny on him, the military pants of the slaverunner – but as I suspected, they are a perfect fit. He zips them up wordlessly as he leans back, and I can see the gratitude in his eyes.
I feel Logan looking over at me, and I feel as if he’s jealous of my friendship with Ben. He’s been like that ever since he saw Ben kiss me back at Penn Station. It’s awkward, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I like them both, in different ways. I’ve never met two more opposite people – yet somehow, they remind me of each other.
I go over to Bree, still shivering, huddled together with Rose, Penelope in her lap, and I sit beside her, drape an arm over her and kiss her forehead. She leans her head into my shoulder.
“It’s okay Bree,” I say.
“I’m hungry,” she says in a soft voice.
“Me too,” Rose echoes.
Penelope whimpers softly, and I can tell she is hungry, too. She is smarter than any dog I’ve ever met. And brave, despite her quivering. I can’t believe she bit Rupert when she did; if it weren’t for her, maybe we all wouldn’t be here. I lean over and stroke her head, and she licks my hand back.
Now that they mention food, I realize it’s a good idea. I’ve been trying to avoid my hunger pangs for way too long.
“You’re right,” I say. “Let’s eat.”
They both look at me with eyes wide open in hope and expectation. I stand, cross the boat, and reach into one of the sacks. I take out two large mason jars of raspberry jam and hand one to Bree, unscrewing it for her.
“You guys share this jar,” I say to them. “The three of us will share the other.”
I open the other jar and pass it to Logan, and he reaches in with his finger, takes a large amount, and puts it in his mouth. He breathes deeply with satisfaction – he must have been starving.
I hand it out to Ben, who takes one, too, then I reach in and scoop a fingerful and place it on my tongue. I get a sugar rush as the raspberry fills my senses, and it is quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I know this is not a meal, but it feels like one.
I seem to be the keeper of food, so I head back to the bags and take out what’s left of our cookies and hand one to each person, including myself. I look over and see Bree and Rose happily eating the jam; with every other fingerful, they give Penelope one. She licks their fingers like crazy, whining as she does. The poor thing must be as hungry as we are.
“They’ll be back, you know,” comes the ominous voice beside me.
I turn and see Logan sitting back, cleaning out his gun, looking at me.
“You know that, right?” he presses. “We’re sitting ducks here.”
“What do you propose?” I ask.
He shrugs and looks away, disappointed.
“We never should’ve stopped. We should’ve kept going, like I said.”
“Well, it’s too late now,” I shoot back, irritated. “Stop complaining.”
I’m getting tired of his gloom and doom at every turn, getting tired of our power struggle. I resent having him around, as much as I appreciate him at the same time.
“None of our options are good,” he says. “If we head upriver tonight, we might run into them. Might ruin the boat. Maybe hit floating ice, maybe something else. Worse, they’d probably catch us. If we leave in the morning, they can see us in the light. We’d be able to navigate, but they might be waiting.”
“So let’s leave in the morning,” I say. “At the crack of dawn. We’ll head north and hope they circled back and went south.”
“And what if they didn’t?” he asks.
“You got any better ideas? We have to head away from the city, not towards it. Besides, Canada’s North, isn’t it?”
He turns and looks away, and sighs.
“We could stay put,” he says. “Wait it out a few days. Make sure they pass us first.”
“In this weather? If we don’t get shelter, we’ll freeze to death. And we’ll be out of food by then. We can’t stay here. We have to keep moving.”
“Oh, now you want to keep moving,” he says.
I glare back at him – he is really beginning to get on my nerves.
“Fine,” he says. “Let’s leave at dawn. In the meantime, if we’re going to stay the night here, we need to stand guard. In shifts. I’ll go first, then you, then Ben. You guys sleep now. None of us have slept, and we all need to. Deal?” he asks, looking back and forth from me to Ben.
“Deal,” I say. He’s right.
Ben doesn’t respond, still looking out into space, lost in his own world.
“Hey,” Logan says roughly, leaning back and kicking his foot, “I’m talking to you. Deal?”
Ben slowly turns and looks at him, still looking out of it, then nods. But I can’t tell if he’s really heard him. I feel so bad for Ben; it’s like he’s not really here. Clearly, he’s consumed by grief and guilt for his brother. I can’t even imagine what he’s going through.
“Good,” Logan says. He checks his ammo, cocks his gun, then jumps off the boat, onto the dock beside us. The boat rocks, but doesn’t drift away. Logan stands on the dry dock, surveying our surroundings. He takes a seat on a wooden post and stares into the blackness, his gun rested on his lap.
I settle in beside Bree, wrapping my arm around her. Rose leans in, too, and I wrap my arm around them both.
“You guys get some rest. We’ll have a long day ahead of us tomorrow,” I say, secretly wondering if this will be our last night on earth. Wondering if there will even be a tomorrow.
“Not until I take care of Sasha,” Bree says.
Sasha. I almost forgot.
I look over and see the frozen corpse of our dog at the far side of the boat. I can hardly believe that we brought her here. Bree is one loyal master.
Bree gets up, silently crosses the boat, and stands over Sasha. She kneels down and strokes her head. Her eyes well up in the moonlight.
I walk over and kneel down beside her. I stroke Sasha, too, forever grateful to her for protecting us.
“Can I help you bury her?” I ask.
Bree nods, still looking down, a tear falling.
Together, we reach down, pick up Sasha, and lean forward with her over the side of the boat. We both hold her there, neither of us wanting to let her go. I look down into the freezing, dark water of the Hudson below, waves bobbing.
“Do you want to say anything?” I ask, “before we let her go?”
Bree looks down, blinking away tears, her face lit up by the moonlight. She looks angelic.
“She