to you.”
“And what if I don’t understand two or three words?” Moosie asked next.
“Then say ‘uh-huh uh-huh’ or uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!” Dreamer explained. “Agreed?”
“Uh-huh,” Moosie said.
“So what don’t you understand now?” Camel inquired.
“I understand everything,” Moosie said, “I just said “uh-huh’ because I understand everything.
Camel sighed deeply, and then continued:
Very well, I propose the use of the mop that we use to wash the floors as the foremast, and for the mainmast the big broom we use for sweeping. But if the application of these measures results in an altercation29 with your parents, I would not wish to suffer any complaints and accusations.”
“Uh-huh,” said Moosie.
“I understand,” Mike added, “don’t worry, nobody will blame you!”
“I merely wished to say,” Dreamer concluded, “that all must be shipshape before we cast off.”
“Of course,” Mike said, “We’ll settle everything ashore, before we’re on the high seas.”
Chapter 5. Captain Wolf
The ship was ready. It had masts, yardarms30, sails and two anchors made out of shoehorns. Mike fitted out two cabins inside the sofa – crew quarters and the galley. Then he built a captain’s bridge and set up the helm there, made from the front wheel of his scooter, which he managed to unscrew.
Food and water were loaded aboard: a jerry can, pots and pans, a tea kettle, salt, sugar, macaroni and bags of rice and flour. Mike brought in lots of canned food – potted meat from his mother’s supplies – a whole twenty cans. He brought along a Swiss Army knife, a compass, matches, a flashlight and a box of batteries too. It would be enough for a long time.
But Mike paid particular attention to weapons. To defend the ship, he requisitioned two cannons from his set of tin soldiers, three antique pistols, a short sword, a sabre, a dagger and a hammer for pounding meat.
All that remained was dividing responsibilities on the ship and setting sail.
“I’ll be the captain!” Mike said, and after thinking about it, added “Does anybody else want to be captain?”
Moosie clearly didn’t want to be. However, once more Camel complicated matters.
“My young friend,” Dreamer said, “The responsibilities of captain of a seagoing vessel require specialized knowledge and the mastery of specific skills. Allow me to inquire – have you ever studied geography, piloting or navigation, either of the terrestrial or celestial variety?31 Do you know how to take coordinates from the sun and stars on the high seas using a sextant and an astrolabe?32 Do you know how to tack33 and how to raise sails? How to…”
“Stop, enough!” Mike answered, “I don’t know how to do any of that yet. Do you?”
“Well,” Camel said, “I have a certain amount of theoretical knowledge. But I have no practical experience. Hence, I would not be in a position to take such a responsibility upon myself.”
“So you can’t!” concluded Mike. “So what are we going to do? Maybe we won’t go on a cruise around the world after all.”
“My young friend,” Dreamer answered, “first of all, I would advise you to find an experienced captain to take command of the vessel.”
Mike said nothing. The idea of finding another commander was clearly not to his liking. But finally he said:
“But where will we find a captain like that?”
“I have already given the matter some thought and I have located suitable material,” Camel replied.
“Material? What do you mean? You want to make a captain?” Mike said, surprised.
“No, no,” Creamer repeated, “I mean somebody that could be captain, if nobody has any objections.”
“And where is this captain of yours?” Mike asked. “We’ve got no captains here in the house!”
“You are sorely mistaken, my young friend!” Camel replied. “In my investigations of our surroundings, I came across a cupboard. Upon examining its contents, I encountered someone that fully satisfies the requirements of our search.”
“Stop showing off how smart you are!” Mike said angrily. “Just tell me – who did you find?”
Dreamer stuck out his lower lip and said nothing. Then he chewed on some invisible saksaul and continued:
“I am not showing off, as you put it, my young friend, I am simply laying out the facts of the situation. If you object…”
Mike started getting angry again, but all of a sudden Moosie spoke up.
“Mike,” Moosie said in a frightened voice, “I think I know who he found! But if it’s HIM, then I’m not sailing with you at all!”
“So who is he?” Mike asked.
Moosie hid himself down in the berthing behind the sofa pillow, stuck out his nose and whispered:
“He’s a WOLF!”
“Who?” Mike asked again. “A Wolf?”
“Yes, it’s a wolf,” Dreamer said, “an old Sea Wolf. Just the person we all need now.”
“Not me! I don’t need a wolf,” Moosie cried, “I don’t want a wolf, I don’t like wolves, I’m afraid of wolves, I’m little white Moosie and the wolf will eat me all up!”
“Calm down!” Mike said. “I remember, he’s an old wolf that lives in the cupboard. You’re the one who asked me to stick the wolf in the cupboard, Moosie.”
“He would have eaten me a long time ago, because I’m little white Moosie!” Moosie snivelled.
“Don’t be silly,” Mike said. “Wolves are dangerous only when they’re hungry. But our wolf is never dangerous, because he’s a sea wolf. And sea wolves don’t eat land moose. I’ll introduce you two now.”
Mike went out to the hallway. The cupboard door creaked, a box grated, and then a hoarse, raspy growl was heard:
“Ten thousand sharks and five points to port! I’ve been sniffing mothballs34 enough for a hundred thousand years to go. Now all moths will die when they hear my name.”
Mike brought Wolf into the room. He was wearing a short green frock coat with shiny buttons and a white sash over his shoulder with a sword hanging from it. Wolf had a black cocked hat on his head and a big curved calabash pipe in his left hand.
When he saw the ship, Wolf cried in a hoarse voice:
“I’ll be deep sixed! What manner of old hulk is that? I swear by Davy Jones35 that she’ll sink before she leaves the harbour!”
“Allow me to observe, my dear sir,” said Camel, “that such expressions are inadmissible in polite society. This ship was built by ourselves, the genial crew. In making such rude observations, you offend all here.”
Wolf opened his muzzle, then closed it, then opened it again and said “eeeeh”. But since words didn’t come to him, he had to close it again. Mike said, helping Wolf out:
“Don’t