man,” he said. “I liked you a lot. You have something elusive, something…”
“Clownish,” I suggested.
“No, no,” he shook his head. “You have charisma, attractiveness that are drawing people to you. You will always look better than your partner. Always. That is your trouble.”
“Will you order me to disfigure my face?” I got angry.
“No,” he said with a sigh. “I understand your frustration. I forgive you. You should understand, young man, I am trying to comfort you, to explain that you have not been accepted due to the fact that you are too extraordinary personality. And they, “he waved in the direction of the selection committee, “need the gray mass, the clay, from which they will sculpt same gray people like themselves. You do not fit. You are special. Who are your parents?”
“I am an orphan, who has grown up among the homeless children,” I replied. “Now I work as the red-haired clown in the circus Chapiteau.”
“You have manners of an aristocrat,” he smiled. “You made you final speech so wonderful that I wanted to get up and bow. Let me shake your hand.”
I held out my hand. He shook it with both hands and ran away, having whispered that fortune would smile upon me. It became easier for me. I wanted to make something sort of clownish. I whistled loudly, slid down the railings, and pushed the front door with my foot. A gaggle of girls flew in different directions with a deafening screech. I bowed them and walked away.
“That’s it. I am done with academies!” I decided.
“Maybe, you should try again.” Lele asked hesitantly.
“No way,” Charles cut short.
“I understand everything from the first time.”
“That’s for sure,” she smiled.“Bebe and I have never had such a smart disciple, and we will never have. Why do we need new disciples if we have Benosh?”
“Why don’t you have children?” he asked.
Lele waved away, grabbed an empty bucket and ran out of the show-booth.
“Ah, I am such a dummy. I forgot to warn you not to talk about children,” Bebe knocked his forehead. He closed the door, took a stack of yellowed photographs from the box, and handed them to Charles.
“This is Lele. She used to be a trapeze artist. The incomparable Marie Kalish was written on the posters,” the voice of Bebe became gentle, his eyes moistened. “Dancing on the wire, flying under the dome of the circus, dizzying pirouettes on the trapeze… She was shining. She was loved. She was admired. Rich gentlemen showered her with flowers and precious gifts. And she loved the stupid redhaired clown Bebe, who was coming out to the circus arena in his down-at-heel shoes and tattered clothes. She loved the clown, whom nobody called by name. No one but Marie did not know that the clown’s name was Michael.”
Bebe sat down on a stool in front of Charles and sighed.
“You have a beautiful name,” Charles smiled.
“Yes. Lele also likes it. The conversation is not about me but about her,” he began to whisper. “Once a rich gentleman appeared in the van of Lele.”
They were talking long about something, and then he opened wide the door, and shouted:
“I will not let it go. You will pay for your impudence.”
Three days later, Lele fell from the trapeze. Someone had cut the harnesses… Bebe got up and turned away to the window. His voice became dull.
“We thought she would not survive. And she…” Bebe turned and wiped away a tear. “She showed all of us up. Lele is a good woman. She is a real fighter, a hero. That’s just… she will never be a mother. We gradually got accustomed to this. Then you came along. Lele proposed to consider you our son. I agreed. Benosh, you are our son. We will not have other children. We are ready to give you everything we have. So you better not let us down, son.”
“I will not let you down, Bebe,” having hugged him, Charles said. They hid the photographs inside the box and sat down by the window.
“Tell me, Bebe, haven’t you thought that the Director of the circus cut the harnesses?” Charles asked.
“Rudolf? No. He is too cowardly, “Bebe shook his head. “Moreover, he is madly in love with Marie. He is still in love. Still madly,” Bebe began to laugh. “Did you think I do not know? I know. I know everything, everything, everything, son. Marie and I have no secrets from each other.”
“I will wash the floor,” Lele said aloud, having opened wide the door. “I am tired of your mess.”
“My dear, the mess should always be in our show-booth, otherwise, it cannot keep its sonorous circus name the Show-Booth,” Bebe said in a good-natured voice. “Leave your bucket, let’s go for a walk among sunflowers. Benosh, will you go with us?”
“No, I will stay and wash the floor. That’s why Lele dragged this heavy bucket,” Charles said. Lele kissed him on the forehead and winked: “Don’t get the drum wet.”
“And then what?” Charles asked, having looked at the bellied drum with polished chopsticks in the corner.
“And then the grenadiers will come and take you to the battle,” she said, leaving.
Then sunflowers, which were in the bucket and exuded a sweet-spicy aroma, appeared in the show-booth. Bebe was peeling seeds, praising the Director, who chose this wonderful place for the circus tent. A field of sunflowers seemed to follow them everywhere. Charles always saw sunflowers in the window of his show-booth. Always…
Lele chose two suits for Charles: light purple and light golden. She ordered to try the golden one first.
“Yes,” she nodded approvingly when Charles came out from behind the screen.
“A lovestruck young man should look like that.”
“Do you think I am madly in love with this girl?” Charles frowned.
“Not madly,” having folded her arms on her chest, she said. “But you are in love. My woman’s intuition have never let me down. Will you say I am wrong?”
“I like Simone,” Charles said. “I like her a lot but… She grew up right in front of my eyes. I was playing dolls with her. I considered her my sister. Yes, yes, yes, she is my younger sister, whom I have no right to love like a man. But…” Charles lifted his hands in dismay, “the trouble is that I cannot cope with my feelings, although I am honestly trying to get rid of them.”
“The trouble is not in this,” Lele shook her head. “Your trouble is that you are trying to destroy the best, the brightest, not thinking about that you are destroying yourself. What for?”
“That’s because I do not want to be responsible for anyone but myself,” Charles replied, having turned to the mirror.
“Well done,” Lele tapped him on the shoulder. “It is easier, free to live like you. Tell me, why do you need this suit then? Why are you going to the house of the banker? Do you want to spank the shameless girl?”
“Lele, you always ask questions that lead me up a blind alley. I am confused, I do not know what to answer,” Charles admitted.
“I prepare you for surprises,” she smiled, having flicked him on the nose. “Go, do not waste precious minutes. Remember, you are a person, worthy of respect. Even Simone said that she owed you, Charles Benosh, a lot.”
“Thank you, Marie,” having kissed her hand, Charles said. She hugged him and pushed to the door.
“I will pay for everything myself. Go.”
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