Let It Be So. A Book About Unconscious Human Behavior. Rauf Kuliyev

case, you know that it’s «my» baby and the ego prevents the expression of genuine love for the child. But when you bring up an adopted child, the ego no longer works so much, because you already know, that this is «not my» kid. In this case, you have more chances to experience the true love without any impurities. And it, of course, pushes you into awareness. You receive a great opportunity to taste a presence.

      I get incredible enjoyment from these games

      When I play with my daughter on the sofa something important happens to me at these moments. Her every move generates some response in me. She likes to walk and jump on the couch. When she’s doing it, I get so much enjoyment out of it. No, it’s not pleasure, but real joy. Even if she walks on the couch and doesn’t touch me, the vibration through the sofa still reaches me and brings me the same effect. Something arises in my body, and I get incredible enjoyment out of these games. I am present in this moment, and I know that I am the initiator of that experience. It all starts with me.

      For many people, it’s tough to communicate with their children, and this is like torture for them. Yes, of course, they try to hide their feelings, but they are not very good at this because you can see it even with the naked eye. Periodically, I also feel some resistance in me while playing with my daughter. It happens because of my unconsciousness. As soon as I enter a state of presence, contact with my baby becomes joyful for both of us. And now I don’t force myself and don’t say: «I have to play with my child.»

      In this case, I already feel enjoyment. I begin to delve into every word of my child, and she doesn’t complain anymore. It seems that I have come in contact with her. But when I’m not present, my daughter see it and start to complain about this. Children always dissatisfied with the fact that you’re sleeping. When you are not present, you haven’t contact with your baby, and we can say you sleep. All resistance arises when you are in that state of consciousness. Of course, the kid is not satisfied, and he wants you to be with him and not somewhere else. The child constantly seeks your attention.

      In our family, I mainly walk with my daughter. Once my wife took Sonia, and they went to the playground. When after walking they came home, my wife said to me: «How can you sit there with her so long? How do you do that? It’s so hard to wait for her!» I smiled because I knew what she was talking about. I knew that it must be hard for her. Unconscious people make tremendous efforts to walk with their child, but all they need at that moment is attention. You need to become present, and then your walking turns to the enjoyment.

      When people don’t look at me, I get nervous

      When I walk down the street, I sometimes notice following: if people don’t pay attention to me, if they don’t look at me when they pass me, then something in me begins to resist that. I spontaneously start feeling some negative energy in me.

      And now I ask myself, what can it be? Is it something that comes from the depth, from me or is it something superficial and selfish? Maybe is it my ego that wants to look at him? Or is it the universe in me which needs continuous attention? It’s an unpleasant feeling, and that’s why I’m inclined to think it’s my ego.

      So when I feel something like that, it probably means that I am unconscious at the moment. I need to be more alert and have to focus on the present moment. At the same time, I shouldn’t isolate myself or keep away from people. I have to keep on watching people, but now I need to do that more deeply. I should see myself in them and then this negative energy will no longer prevail in me, and I will get joy from this watching.

      What makes me choke

      When I start choking while eating it means that my mind generates too many thoughts at this moment. I often find myself on this, when I sit at the table with my family and eat or drink something. It happens when I escape from reality. When I start thinking more than usual while eating there is always a risk of choking.

      No wonder in the childhood our parents warned us about this. They consistently told us that we couldn’t eat and watch TV at the same time. At each moment we must do only one thing. Everything is very simple. When I’m eating, I have to concentrate only on food. During meals, I calm down and stop to think of anything and even about food.

      It applies to everything else. Whatever I do, at every moment of my life I need to pay attention only to what I do at that moment. As soon as I move away from that rule, externally this immediately affects the quality of what I do. At that moment I can either choke, fall or do something wrong.

      Before I start doing anything, I need to make sure that I’m in peace. I need to look inside myself and make sure that inside of me there are no disturbances and I don’t care about anything. And then out of this state, I already start doing something. I need to keep that silence. Now, I will never choke while eating. Now I also will never fall while going down the street. Now every action of mine will be right.

      When my relatives get together

      Sometimes my family and relatives get together. The reason we meet usually is some holiday or someone’s birthday. Of course, I’m going to such meetings with happiness, hoping to see the people close to me, to talk to them and have a lovely time.

      At first, everything is normal; just all people are a little shy. All sit quietly and talk to each other. At first, all is good. Some of the guests are a bit shy, but it’s not critical, though many people think differently. And here we start little by little to drink alcohol. Everybody knows that drinking make it easier to communicate, and this is true. After drinking a few glasses it becomes simpler to talk, but the fact is that we lost the quality of communication. Now we don’t get a joy we usually get when we are sober.

      After drinks, we can already talk in a more relaxed way. We believe that now we are in more priority position. Now we talk much more than before. And it doesn’t matter for you what you are saying at this time. Now the more important thing for you – it’s the noise. You start talking loudly and occasionally even yelling. It depends on how much you’ve drunk. Now comes a time when we all just sit and yell at each other.