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Twelfth Night; Or, What You Will


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What kind o' man is he?

        MALVOLIO. Why, of mankind.

        OLIVIA. What manner of man?

        MALVOLIO. Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.

        OLIVIA. Of what personage and years is he?

        MALVOLIO. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy;

      boy;

          as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codling when 'tis

          almost an apple; 'tis with him in standing water, between boy and

      and

          man. He is very well-favour'd, and he speaks very shrewishly; one

      one

          would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.

        OLIVIA. Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.

        MALVOLIO. Gentlewoman, my lady calls. Exit

        OLIVIA. Of what personage and years is he?

        MALVOLIO. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy;

          as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codling when 'tis

          almost an apple; 'tis with him in standing water, between boy and

          man. He is very well-favour'd, and he speaks very shrewishly; one

          would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.

        OLIVIA. Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.

        MALVOLIO. Gentlewoman, my lady calls.

ExitRe-enter MARIA

      OLIVIA. Give me my veil; come, throw it o'er my face;

          We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

Enter VIOLA

      VIOLA. The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

        OLIVIA. Speak to me; I shall answer for her. Your will?

        VIOLA. Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty- I pray you

          tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her.

      I would be loath to cast away my speech; for, besides that it

      is

          excellently well penn'd, I have taken great pains to con it.

      Good

          beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very comptible, even to

          the least sinister usage.

        OLIVIA. Whence came you, sir?

        VIOLA. I can say little more than I have studied, and that

          question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give me modest

          assurance if you be the lady of the house, that I may proceed in my speech.

        OLIVIA. Are you a comedian?

        VIOLA. No, my profound heart; and yet, by the very fangs of malice

          I swear, I am not that I play. Are you the lady of the house?

      OLIVIA. If I do not usurp myself, I am.

        VIOLA. Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself; for

          what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. But this is from

          my commission. I will on with my speech in your praise, and then

          show you the heart of my message.

        OLIVIA. Come to what is important in't. I forgive you the praise.

        VIOLA. Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.

        OLIVIA. It is the more like to be feigned; I pray you keep it in. I

          heard you were saucy at my gates, and allow'd your approach

          rather to wonder at you than to hear you. If you be not mad, be

          gone; if you have reason, be brief; 'tis not that time of moon

          with me to make one in so skipping dialogue.

        MARIA. Will you hoist sail, sir? Here lies your way.

        VIOLA. No, good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer.

          Some mollification for your giant, sweet lady.

        OLIVIA. Tell me your mind.

        VIOLA. I am a messenger.

        OLIVIA. Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver, when the

          courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.

        VIOLA. It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture of war, no

          taxation of homage: I hold the olive in my hand; my words are as

          full of peace as matter.

        OLIVIA. Yet you began rudely. What are you? What would you?

        VIOLA. The rudeness that hath appear'd in me have I learn'd from my

          entertainment. What I am and what I would are as secret as

          maidenhead- to your cars, divinity; to any other's, profanation.

        OLIVIA. Give us the place alone; we will hear this divinity.

          [Exeunt MARIA and ATTENDANTS] Now, sir, what is your text?

        VIOLA. Most sweet lady-

        OLIVIA. A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it.

          Where lies your text?

        VIOLA. In Orsino's bosom.

        OLIVIA. In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?

        VIOLA. To answer by the method: in the first of his heart.

        OLIVIA. O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more to say?

        VIOLA. Good madam, let me see your face.

        OLIVIA. Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate

      with my face? You are now out of your text; but we will draw the

      curtain

          and show you the picture. [Unveiling] Look you, sir, such a

      one I

          was this present. Is't not well done?

        VIOLA. Excellently done, if God did all.

        OLIVIA. 'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.

        VIOLA. 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white

          Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on.

          Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,

          If you will lead these graces to the grave,

          And leave the world no copy.

        OLIVIA. O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give out

          divers schedules of my beauty. It shall be inventoried, and every

          particle