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The History of Troilus and Cressida


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the limbs.

        ULYSSES. Give pardon to my speech.

          Therefore 'tis meet Achilles meet not Hector.

          Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares

          And think perchance they'll sell; if not, the lustre

          Of the better yet to show shall show the better,

          By showing the worst first. Do not consent

          That ever Hector and Achilles meet;

          For both our honour and our shame in this

          Are dogg'd with two strange followers.

        NESTOR. I see them not with my old eyes. What are they?

        ULYSSES. What glory our Achilles shares from Hector,

          Were he not proud, we all should wear with him;

          But he already is too insolent;

          And it were better parch in Afric sun

          Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes,

          Should he scape Hector fair. If he were foil'd,

          Why, then we do our main opinion crush

          In taint of our best man. No, make a lott'ry;

          And, by device, let blockish Ajax draw

          The sort to fight with Hector. Among ourselves

          Give him allowance for the better man;

          For that will physic the great Myrmidon,

          Who broils in loud applause, and make him fall

          His crest, that prouder than blue Iris bends.

          If the dull brainless Ajax come safe off,

          We'll dress him up in voices; if he fail,

          Yet go we under our opinion still

          That we have better men. But, hit or miss,

          Our project's life this shape of sense assumes-

          Ajax employ'd plucks down Achilles' plumes.

        NESTOR. Now, Ulysses, I begin to relish thy advice;

          And I will give a taste thereof forthwith

          To Agamemnon. Go we to him straight.

          Two curs shall tame each other: pride alone

          Must tarre the mastiffs on, as 'twere their bone.

      Exeunt

      ACT II. SCENE 1. The Grecian camp

      Enter Ajax and THERSITES

        AJAX. Thersites!

        THERSITES. Agamemnon-how if he had boils full, an over,

      generally?

        AJAX. Thersites!

        THERSITES. And those boils did run-say so. Did not the general

      run

          then? Were not that a botchy core?

        AJAX. Dog!

        THERSITES. Then there would come some matter from him;

          I see none now.

        AJAX. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then.

                                                              [Strikes

      him]

        THERSITES. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel

      beef-witted

          lord!

        AJAX. Speak, then, thou whinid'st leaven, speak. I will beat

      thee

          into handsomeness.

        THERSITES. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness; but

      I

          think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a

          prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red

      murrain

          o' thy jade's tricks!

        AJAX. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.

        THERSITES. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me

      thus?

        AJAX. The proclamation!

        THERSITES. Thou art proclaim'd, a fool, I think.

        AJAX. Do not, porpentine, do not; my fingers itch.

        THERSITES. I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had

      the

          scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in

          Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest

      as

          slow as another.

        AJAX. I say, the proclamation.

        THERSITES. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles;

      and

          thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at

          Proserpina's beauty-ay, that thou bark'st at him.

        AJAX. Mistress Thersites!

        THERSITES. Thou shouldst strike him.

        AJAX. Cobloaf!

        THERSITES. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a

          sailor breaks a biscuit.

        AJAX. You whoreson cur! [Strikes

      him]

        THERSITES. Do, do.

        AJAX. Thou stool for a witch!

        THERSITES. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no

      more

          brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinico may tutor thee.

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